Follow Through
by snus
Summary: What would've happened if Mark went after Addison instead of waiting at Joe's? This is my own story of how it could've happened. It's my first fic, please read and review. All the characters are involved, but mostly Mer, Der, Addie and Mark. CH16 UP!
1. Love

Chapter I – Love

"_You're still in love with her?"_

The words echoed through his head.

"_You're still in love with him!"_

She heard the words over and over in her mind.

Mark stood up and paid for his drink. He turned to Meredith and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Take it easy with that tequila of yours." He smiled and startedto walkaway from her. Meredith turned to him with curiosity in her eyes.

"Givin' up already?" She said and Mark turned his head and smiled.

"The opposite." He walked out the door and Meredith stared after him. She turned to Joe, who was as surprised as she was.

"Do you really think he's going to get her?" Meredith looked at Joe, and he could see a little bit of hope sparkle in her eyes. Joe gave her a smile and sheconcentrated her look at her empty glass. She kept hearing the words.

"_You're still in love with him!"_

* * *

Mark drove up to the trailer. He saw lights glow in the windows but it was a quiet night. He sat in his car for a while before coming to his senses and got out. He walked up to the door and waited a second before knocking. 

Derek opened his eyes at the sound of the knock He watched as Addison got of her chair and went to the door. He sat up and tried to see from the bed who it was by the door.

"Addison."

Derek knew that voice. He got up to his feet as fast as he could.

"Mark. What are you..." Addison was surprised. But she couldn't say anything more because she felt Dereks' eyes staring at her and Mark.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Derek stood behind Addison with his eyes steadily on her.

"Derek." Mark began, but Addison stopped him with her hand on his mouth.

Derek gave Mark and angry look before turning his eyes back at Addison who had turned to him.

"Derek, could you give us some time to talk?"

Derek saw the pain in her eyes. He didn't understand what Mark was doing there or why Addison didn't kick him out. The thought that they were in love crossed his mind, but he didn't want to believe it. He opened his mouth and looked at Mark, who met his eyes with the same pain in his eyes as Addison. Derek sighed deeply and backed off. He turned away and went back to the bed, waiting impatiently for their talk to be over.

Addison watched him leave them and then looked back at Mark. He gave her one of those smiles. A smile of relief.

Addison went out to the porch and closed the door behind her. She didn't meet Marks' eyes. He sighed and looked away.

"You never planned to meet me at the bar, did you?"

"Mark, we can't do this." Addison looked at him and he could see the insecurity in those eyes.

"You don't want this!" Mark stretched out his arms and meant Derek, the trailer, Seattle.

"You don't know that." She whispered angrily at him before turning away. Mark stopped her by putting his hand on her shoulder. Addison stopped and closed her eyes to stop the tears from coming out. He turned her towards him and he opened her eyes. He saw a tear fall down her cheek. Mark hated tears, especially the ones from the woman he loved. Addison pulled her arm over her face and the tear disappeared.

"I love you, Addison. That tear must mean something. If we can't be together, I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Mark saw how Addison tried to keep away more tears.

"He doesn't love you, and you know it. You need to be happy and come home, with me." He stroke her hair with his hand, and hoped that she could just realize what was best for her. Addison shivered by his words and his curess. And he saw it. He leaned down and kissed her gently. Addison didn't care to pull back. _"Just this kiss."_ she thought and kissed him back with love. Addison pulled back and still had her eyes closed. Mark looked at her with sadness all over his face. Some part of him knew that she wouldn't leave Derek, but all the other parts of him hoped that, just this once, love would be enough.

* * *

Meredith got out of the cab and went to the door. She fumbled with her keys, and by the time she found the right one, Izzie had opened the door and let her in. 

"Hey you." Izzie smiled at Meredith. Meredith muttered something and walked towards the stairs. Izzie wasn't surprised. She sighed and ran to her.

"George!" Meredith stumbled and fell down to the floor.

"She's drunk!" Izzie yelled and then heard George running down the stairs. Meredith turned over and lay on her back. She started to laugh and George and Izzie exchanged confused looks. Then they heard sobbing and they saw that Meredith had gone from laughing to crying. Izzie sighed and helped her up.

"Let's get you to bed." George just stood there. He didn't really know what to do. She looked so sad.

"George! Some help please." Izzie yelled at him and George helped her to get Meredith into bed.

* * *

Derek lay in the bed, his eyes at the ceiling. He didn't hear any argument from outside, which made him think about that love thing again. Which on the other hand made his thoughts go back to the place where he really wanted to be. He turned to his side and looked at the empty spot in the bed. _Meredith..._

Meredith lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. Her friends had left her to sleep, but the sleep didn't want to come. All she could think of was how it had gone for Mark. What _He _was doing right now. She turned to lie on her side and looked at the empty place in the bed. _He.. Derek..

* * *

_

"Just let him go. Come with me." Mark was trying hard to get Addison to come with him. Addison sat in one of the chairs at the porch with Mark standing in front of her. She listened, but didn't want to hear what he was saying. It was too hard for her.

"Leave him!" Mark begged. Addison looked at him.

"He left his love for me, I have to do the same." She got up and started to walk to the door. Mark stopped her, pulled her to him and kissed her. She tried to pull back but he wouldn't let her. She gave up and just tried not to kiss him back. It didn't work that well, so there they were, kissing passionately.

The door opened and Derek stepped out.

* * *


	2. Comfort

**I would like to begin with a thank you. You should've seen the smile on my face when I saw your reviews. As this is my first fanfic ever,I didn'tbelievethat you would like it, but it seems that you did. I will keep going. The chapters are not that long, but there are more to come. Keep on reading and reviewing and I'll keep on writing.**

Chapter II – Comfort

Meredith opened her eyes. The headache struck her and tears ran down her face. That dream kept coming to her, that irritating and wonderful dream.

"_Pick me. Choose me. Love me."_

_At the bar, people walked in and out the door. One girl waited for the right man to walk in. She was drunk. After all this waiting, who could blame her? Her friends thought it was sad and pathetic. Joe looked sadly at Meredith._

"_He'll show up." He said and smiled friendly at her._

"_No he won't." Meredith sighed. She swallowed on more shot of tequila before she walked towards the ladies room. She sat on the toilet seat in a time that felt like ages. After a while, she decided to go home. Her friends stood outside the restroom and pointed at Him when she came out. _

"_He's here."_

_Meredith slowly walked up to him, and he smiled one of those smiles. He looked at her and sighed deeply. His eyes on hers, he kissed her gently._

Meredith sat up with her face buried in her hands. He picked her in the dream. But not in reality. Not here. She got to her feet and went to the bathroom. She washed her face and looked in the mirror.

"I'll be fine." She lied to herself.

* * *

Derek rushed away towards his car, Addison right behind him. Mark sighed and went after him. He had to stop this.

"Derek!" Mark ran up to him and blocked his way.

"Stop this. End this. You love Meredith and I love Addison. Let's just give up this madness and make the one we love happy." Mark wasn't prepared for a punch in his face.

Derek hit him the second time for today, and this time it hurt even more in his hand. But he felt a greater pain in his heart.

Mark shook his head and looked up from the ground at Derek and Addison.

Derek turned to Addison. She opened her mouth to say something but Derek shook his head and got into his car. He drove away, leaving Mark on the ground and Addison crying.

Derek drove fast and after some time, he parked the car and got out. The place he had driven to was quiet and had the most beautiful view over the water. He looked out over it with his hands in his pockets and a sad look in his eyes. Everything Mark had said echoed through his head.

"_..make the one we love happy."_

Derek closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

* * *

Meredith took a deep breath and went down the stairs. She went to the kitchen and fetched a glass of water. She took the opportunity to look if they were short on food, which they were. The house was quiet and Meredith felt like going out for a moment. She took her car keys and her jacket and went to the car. She drove for a long time before she came to the place she had aimed for in the first place.

* * *

In the trailer, Addison helped Mark to a chair. He could see that she was sad. With a sigh he was about to say something but Addison was the first to talk.

"Why did you say those things?" She tried to find something to sew Mark's scar up.

"He hit _me_, actually." Mark was a bit irritated that Derek had hit him twice today, but couldn't really blame him after all.

"I could've punched him back." He mumbled for himself. When he saw that Addison was rying again he got to his feet and walked up to her.

"I can't do this anymore. I know he doesn't love me, I've known everyday since I came to Seattle. But he chose me and we're trying hard to make it work. But all he thinks about is Meredith."

Mark put his hand on her cheek and kissed her on the forehead. She rested her head against his chest and couldn't get her husbands look, when he saw her kiss Mark, out of her head.

* * *

Derek heard a car drive up behind him. He didn't have the curiosity to look up. He just sat there on a bench, his eyes staring into nowhere.

Meredith recognized the car and saw someone sit on the bench. She smiled at first, but then she got scared. In spite of that, she opened the door and slowly walked over to the bench. She swallowed the lump in her throat and hated that the fear had overtaken her ability to talk.

Derek raised his eyebrows when he heard that someone was breathing behind him. He slowly looked up at a scared Meredith.

"Hi." She smiled nervously and looked at him. She saw his face light up and he smiled.

"Hey." He sighed with relief. She walked round the bench and sat down next to him.

"Are you okay?" He looked at her and got a little worried.

"I'm fine. Are you?" Meredith turned to face him.

"Not really." He looked away.

She wondered why he'd left his wife over a view over the water. Derek sighed and looked at her with a sad expression.

"Oh." She looked down and tried not to get to curious.

Derek was thinking about leaving. He couldn't sit next to her without wanting to hold her close. He was about to leave when Meredith got to her feet. Derek looked surprised.

"I have to go." Meredith smiled one of those fake smiles and turned her back on Derek. He got up and looked at her. He didn't want her to leave.

"Meredith." He sighed and saw how she turned around quickly to face his words.

"Yes." She didn't mean to sound excited or hopeful but she couldn't hide it. Derek walked up to her and looked at her with a smile on his face. Meredith saw the smile and felt like she melted inside. But this didn't feel right.

"Derek." She hesitated but Derek cut her off.

"Addison kissed Mark." Derek looked down on the ground. Meredith opened her mouth, but didn't know what to say. That sadness in Derek's eyes was from Marks attempt to get Addison back. The thought that Derek actually was in love with Addison crossed her mind.

"And I don't know what to do." He looked at Meredith who was surprisingly quiet.

"_Friends." _She thought for herself over and over again. After a second of thinking she looked at him with a friendly smile. "Tell me what happened."


	3. Mistakes

**Hi everybody. Thanks for all the reviews, it keeps me going. Sorry if it took so long for me to update, but I'll try and be faster if more of you reviewed. Deal?And by the way, I actually don't have anything planned for this story, I just sit down and write. So if you want to, you could always write some tips that could help. Well, with that said, I should just let you read the third chapter. A lot happens in this chapter, though it's quite short,and maybe some things that some of you don't like, but it'll end upp well in the end, I promise. You'll just have to keep reading and reviewing to get to that point. Hope you like it.**

**

* * *

**Chapter III – Mistakes

Mistakes come and go. Some of them are big and some of them are just a tiny little detail in life. The big ones are not easy to forget, but sometimes those mistakes have to come. You can't live your life without mistakes, but you can try hard not to make them. And when you do make them, you have to find a way out.

* * *

Inside the trailer, clothes lay on the floor. A woman in her bathrobe sat in a chair, her face buried in her hands. Addison sighed and looked towards the bed. Mark walked past her into the bathroom. He started to wash his face and then he looked in the mirror. Two scars, both from Derek's fists. Mark walked out to Addison and looked at her with a small smile and a worried look on his face. 

"You okay?" He bent down and tried to get her attention.

Addison looked up at him and tried to smile a small smile. It didn't really work. Mark stopped smiling and placed both hands on his hips.

"Oh, come on! You wanted this, and you know it, Addison." He pointed at her whilehe talked. Addison looked away from him. Mark turned away from her, andwent to pick up his shirt from the floor. He pulled it over his head and went back to Addison with a frustrated lookon his face. She looked sadly at him.

"This was not good. Not right at any level. In_his_ trailer, Mark! Bad enough that I did it, but in his home. He'll come back and know that something happened." Addison pulled her hand through her hair and sighed. "What have I done?" The last words came out in whisper. But Mark heard them.

"Addison."He took a step closer. Addison got up from the chair and looked at him.

"No, Mark. I will not end this. I'm sure he's going to, but I'm not going to make it worse." Addison thought for a second what she was saying. She had already made it worse. She pushed away Mark, who tried to comfort her by touching her, and went to the bathroom. Mark came after her but she shut the door right in his face. Mark sighed and nodded with understanding.

"I'll wait Addison. When you're ready, and when you both realize that this marriage has fallen apart, I will be here, waiting for the woman I love." Mark put his hand on the door for a moment before picking up all his things and walking out the door. From inside the bathroom, Addison heard an engine start and the sound of the car faded away from the trailer. Tears ran down her face, and she sat, leaned against the wall, in silence.

* * *

Derek looked at Meredith, who looked surprisingly friendly. He had started to tell her some small parts of what happened, but the whole thing ended up with him telling her everything. Meredith listened, but couldn't really concentrate on what he was saying. She didn't understand why she was the one listening to his love problems, but she couldn't just leave him when he was this upset. After all, they were supposed to be "friends". 

They sat close to each other, and Meredith just looked at him when he went on about how he didn't hear them argue and didn't know what was going on. He looked so caught up in telling her that she thought he was going to knock something down. When he was done he looked at her like she had an answer for everything. Derek understood that she didn't have that answer and took a deep breath to calm down. He opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind and looked away. Meredith looked down.

"So.." Meredithlooked at him.".. what are you planning to do?" She didn't know why she was asking when she really couldn't stand just sitting there next to him, but she felt like she had to break the silence between them.

"Actually. I don't know. I have no idea." Derek shook his head and pulled his hand through his hair. His hand fell down on the bench. Meredith looked at it. With some hesitation she put her hand on his. Derek moved to look at her and saw that her eyes were fixed on their hands. She raised her look and met his eyes. Derek squeezed her hand and smiled.

"Thank you for listening. It was nice.. to have someone." Derek's voice wasn't as steady as before. He smiled at her. Meredith noticed and leered at their hands. Why was she holding his hand? For a second she was about to panic, but she told herself that she was comforting him because he was sad and needed a friend. She swallowed nervously.

"I'm a good listener." She gave him a small, but still nervous, smile.

"Yeah." Derek laughed. Meredith pulled her hand back and took help from it to put some hair behind her ear. She leaned back and looked out over the water. Derek watched her and smiled.

"I have a thing for ferryboats." He teased with her. Meredith laughed.

"So I've heard." Derek and Meredith looked at each other. She was near that point of breaking out in panic again. She looked into his eyes and had no idea what was going to happen next.

"Derek." Meredith said it like she wasabout to tell him a big secret.

"Yes, Meredith." Meredith sighed and he smiled at her. Meredith didn't know what she was doing. Something made her think about all their good moments together. And when she thought about those moments she couldn't help herself to hope that it was going to be like that again. Derek looked at her while she was thinking. When she finally showed some movement, he sort of hoped of something to happen, but he didn't know what.

"I love ferryboats."She sighed deeply when she met his eyes once more.Her eyes sought their way to his lips, and suddenly, those words became the turning point for both of them. Derek put his hand on her cheek. She shivered inside by his touch. Derek leaned towards her and Meredith met him half way.

Even if they both knew that this was as wrong at it could possibly get, both of them, in some way, found reasons not to pull away from it. The longing for one kiss was big, and that made their lips meet.

She put her hand around his neck and he put his in her hair. The kiss felt like it lasted forever. Derek was the one to pull back. Meredith, still with closed eyes, let him go. She pulled back her hand from his neck and let it fall down to his chest. She opened her eyes and met Derek's look. He smiled one of those breathtaking smiles, but Meredith looked down and pulled back her hand. The thought of all the wrong things about this kiss struck her. Derek's smile turned into a worried look when he saw her reaction to the kiss. He understood what they just had done meant trouble, he wasn't that stupid, but he couldn't not like it when he had missed everything about her for so long.

"I.." Meredith swallowed the lump in her throat. "I have to go." She got to her feet and started to walk fast towards her car. Derek got up and ran after her.

"Meredith!" He put his hand on her shoulder and made her stop.

"As much as I loved that, I can't.. We can't. You have a wife." She took a deep breath before continuing. "And don't say something like.." She stopped for a second totry andthink of something, but couldn't really come up with anything that soundedgood enough. "Well, I don't know, just don't say it. Go home to your wife, I'm sure she needs you." Meredith looked at him quickly before she walked away again. Derek knew she was right and stopped. He sighed when he saw her get into her car. He saw the tears, the tears that fell down her face. She gave him one last look before she drove away.

* * *


	4. Elevator

**Thanks for all the reviews guys, and thanks to all of you who read the story. This chapter is a long one. I don't really have anything to say, except that it goes up and down all the time. I mean with the feelings and those things. But we'll see what it leads to. Enjoy this one, and remember to review, so that I get the motivation to update. Hope you like it.**

Chapter IV - Elevator

When everything comes down to just one thing.

That thing slips away.

Meredith put her fingers on her lips. That kiss was something she would never forget, though it would be for the best if she did. But as they say, the more you wait, the better it gets when you get it. She drove away from Derek, leaving him with no one. Now just wait, he's the one with a wife. Meredith sighed.

"_A wife."_

She pulled up to her house and stepped out of her car. While she walked to the door, she could hear how someone ran down the stairs inside of the house. She saw through the glass door that it was Izzie, followed by a tremendously tired George, who ran towards her.

"Where the hell have you been?" Izzie looked very upset as she opened the door to yell at Meredith. "We went to your room to check on you, and your bed was empty. Hell Meredith, explain!" Meredith was a bit shocked, but understood why she was this angry. She was tired and whiny, off course she yelled at Meredith at this time. And she had come home earlier quite drunk, so who could blame Izzie for being worried? George by the way defended Meredith, or at least it sounded like it.

"She's a grown up woman, Izzie. Not a child." He turned away from them and shuffled off to his bedroom. He had been worried too, but was to tired to try and deal with it at the moment. Meredith walked in through the door and looked at Izzie.

"You really wanna' know?" Meredith raised an eyebrow at Izzie.

"Bring it on." Izzie placed her hands on her hips and waited. She tried to seem angry, but didn't really have the strength to be it anymore. She put her hand on her mouth to hide a yawn.

"He kissed me." Meredith held back for a second but didn't think it would matter anyway. "Okay, I kissed him back, but he's the one who's married, right?" Izzie sighed and rolled her eyes. Meredith hit her on the arm and tried to make Izzie concentrate.

"Izzie." Izzie looked at her and Meredith watched her carefully.

"Meredith, seriously. I'm tired..." Izzie let out a big yawn and turned away to walk towards her room. Meredith stared. She was a bit confused, first Izzie had yelled at her and wanted to know what had happened, and know it seemed as she didn't care at all. Maybe she didn't, or maybe it was the tiredness that pulled over her.

"Izzie!" Meredith slowly walked after her. "Say something. An advice. Give me something here!" Meredith stopped and waited for her verdict.

"Mer... A kiss is a kiss." Izzie shrugged and went to her room, leaving Meredith to think this one out alone.

* * *

Derek pulled up his car in front of the trailer. He hesitated for a minute before he walked in to his home. When he stepped in through the door, he felt that feeling. Something was wrong. He looked around and walked to the bed. Addison lay on it and stared into nothing. Derek doubted that she was going to argue tonight, as the same for him. It was late and both of them had work in the morning. Derek made himself ready for bed and when he came back from the bathroom, Addison had fallen asleep. Derek went to bed and he thought about that kiss until the sleep flew over him.

* * *

Meredith opened her eyes and looked around in the room. She looked over at the empty place in her bed and sighed. As she was kind of daydreaming, her pager went off. She took a deep breath before she looked at it and ran to the bathroom. Izzie stormed into the room and yelled something about food and the hospital. Meredith couldn't really tell what she said and she actually didn't care at the moment. She pulled a sweater over her head and put on a pair of jeans before she ran out of the room and down the stairs. She grabbed her jacket and car keys and went straight to her car. Finally, Meredith was on her way to the hospital, but she was going to be late.

* * *

Addison and Derek kind of ignored each other; neither of them was ready to talk. Derek walked towards the elevator and Addison took the stairs. Derek sighed and walked in when the doors opened. At the same time, Meredith ran towards just that elevator. 

"Hold it!" She saw how someone held out a hand so that the doors wouldn't close and when she reached the elevator, their eyes met. Derek didn't smile and neither did Meredith. She walked in and let the door close behind her.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd." Meredith mumbled to him.

"No problem, Dr. Grey." Derek knew this game. Pretend to be only professional. It was only about work. Meredith pushed the button to the level she was going to and Derek did it right after her. As hard as they tried to play this game, everyone in the elevator whispered and shook their heads to their intense behavior. The elevator reached Meredith's floor and she ran away. Derek watched her as she ran and wondered when they were going to end this game.

* * *

Meredith ran into Bailey on her way to the locker room. 

"So. Look at this, Meredith Grey decided to show up." Bailey sounded irritated. Behind her stood all the interns. They smiled at her while Bailey pointed at the locker room door. Meredith met her angry look before she ran into the room and changed. After a minute or two, Meredith came out in her scrubs and her white coat. The interns and Bailey had waited and then Bailey started to walk and talk.

"Grey, don't be late next time. And now, a little delayed, rounds. Let's get going, people." She walked away with the interns right behind her. Cristina looked at Meredith.

"Izzie filled me up." She sounded like she knew that Meredith had done something.

"What?" Meredith tried hard to make it sound as she had no idea what Cristina talked about.

"Oh, don't try me. You've done something bad, haven't you?" Cristina smiled expectant and waited for her confession.

"You just said.." Meredith looked at Cristina, and met her shrewd look. Meredith sighed at Cristina's ability to always read when there was something going on. They reached a patient's room and Meredith looked up. There he stood once more.

"_He's everywhere.." _Meredith thought andsighed silently. She tried to ignore him while he had his eyes steadily on her. Izzie watched their suspicious behavior while George introduced the patient. Alex answered Bailey's questions and looked pleased with himself afterwards.

"Good work, Dr. Karev and Dr. O'Malley. Here's Mrs. Kiel's chart. You'll both scrub in on her surgery later this afternoon." Derek gave George the chart and smiled at them and the patient. He started to walk away, but didn't past Meredith. Instead he stopped in front of her.

"Can I talk to you, Dr. Grey?" Meredith looked a little surprised but was about to nod when Bailey cut her off.

"You can talk to _my_ intern after rounds, Dr. Shepherd." Meredith looked up at Derek and met his sad look. She tried not to be affected by that look, so she ignored it and followed Bailey out of the room with the other interns. Derek sighed and started to walk down the corridor with his eyes on the floor. Out of nowhere came Izzie. She grabbed his arm and pulled him aside. Her grip around his arm was firm and she made him stand against the wall while she looked out for Bailey or Meredith. Derek got confused and quite upset.

"What are you doing, Dr. Stevens?" Izzie could hear at his voice that he became upset and was confused. Derek looked at his arm and tried to pull it back, but Izzie warned him with an angry look and started to talk.

"Meredith isn't a thing, a toy, you can play with. Her feelings for you were and still are strong and when you mess with them, who do you think have to clean it up." Izzie didn't really yell at him, she just talked angrily. Derek got frustrated and pulled away his arm from Izzie's grip.

"Dr. Stevens, listen to me.." He pointed at her with his hand but she pushed it away and looked at him.

"No! You listen!" She pointed at him. "When you do things like this, like kissing her in the middle of the night, you destroy her. Either you stand for what you do and what you feel, or you just let her move on with her life. Which in her case, not an easy thing." Izzie looked at his reaction. He just stood there, in shock. Izzie straightened up and nodded at him.

"Dr. Shepherd." She finished and slowly started to run away to catch up with the others. Derek watched her leave. He leaned his head back against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. What was he doing? She was right, and he knew it. He took a deep breath before he walked away. He had to come to conclusions soon, or it would be too late. Around the corner he met Addison, who had a disappointed look in her eyes.

"Addison." Derek didn't like that look. Something was up. It didn't hit him until a second or two that she could have overheard Izzie talk to him.

"Derek." She looked at him and really tried to pierce him with her look and force him to tell her by his own. But after all, both of them were to blame. Especially Addison, she'd actually slept with Mark while Derek had kissed Meredith. But a kiss means a lot.

"Did you.." Derek didn't get the chance to end the sentence. Addison had cut him off by her nod. Derek moved his eyes from her to the floor. Addison saw that he felt bad, but not as bad as she felt.

"I..." Addison began but was disturbed when Derek's pager went off.

"911. I have to go." He met her gaze and saw the sadness in her eyes. He stopped for a moment and sighed. Then he gave her a small smile before he walked away. Addison watched him leave her with the guilt.

* * *

"911" Bailey looked at her interns before she ran towards the ambulance entrance. 

"What do we have?" Bailey looked at the injured woman from ambulance number one. The paramedics filled them in on everything. On the stretcher lay a woman in her late 30's. She had been involved in a car crash and had internal bleedings and a broken arm. Bailey pointed at Izzie and she nodded in response. Izzie ran after the stretcher and the paramedics. Derek met them and Izzie's look. He didn't have time so sort out what it meant, he ran towards the second ambulance. They showed him a 5-year-old girl and told them that she also had been in the car crash. She had hit her head hard in the crash and she bled from one of her ears. Derek nodded when he got the information.

"Let's take her to an ER." He turned his face to Bailey while he ran after the girl's stretcher. "I need an intern Bailey!" Bailey looked around.

"Okay, Grey, you're on it." Meredith hesitated but when she saw Bailey's piercing look, she turned away and ran after Derek and the patient.

* * *

A 5-year-old girl. They'd done everything possible in the ER, and now it was Derek Shepherd's turn to help her. The 5-year-old was prepped up and ready for brain surgery. Meredith entered the scrub room and saw Derek. He looked at her and sighed. He didn't know what he should say to her, but he knew he had to say something. Well, at least it felt like he had to. Meredith put on a cap and went to the sink. 

"You wanted to talk earlier." She didn't look at him, she just started to wash her hands and Derek did the same.

"Uhm. Yes." Meredith leered at him carefully. He seemed nervous and insecure.

"Changed your mind?" She said coldly and took a soap and ripped it up. Derek turned to her. She was nothing like the real Meredith at the moment. She kept it short and insensitive. Some part of him knew that he had himself to blame for the treatment he got from her, but the rest of him just wanted it to stop. He wanted everything to be like it used to, but he had screwed it all up. He looked sadly at her and Meredith wrinkled her eyebrows when she noticed that he just stood there, staring at her. Derek let his glance fall to the floor.

"This may be unfair.." Meredith slowly turned her head to him. "But I have to tell you." Meredith wasn't sure if she should feel confused or nervous. Derek looked at her, right in her eyes. Neither of them moved.

"I don't regret the kiss." Derek looked at her."And I never will, nor all the other moments we've had together. And by that I don't mean to upset you, and I know it's at the wrong time, but I reallywanted you to know" He was serious and Meredith just stared at him, about to drop her jaw to the floor. Derek avoided her look, the look scared him a little. And when that look was on her face, he really regretted that he had said something about it in the first place. But he thought he didn't have any other choice, he wanted her to know. Derek took a soap and ripped it up just to keep avoiding her glare. When she suddenly started to talk loudly and angrily at him, he didn't know what it was leading to.

"That's what you have to say? And it may be unfair?" Meredith got upset. Derek looked up from the sink.

"Hey, take it easy.." She yelled at him and Derek didn't know what she would do next, but he was actually prepared for a punch.

"You..." Meredith pointed at him with her finger. Her body shook by frustration. She walked closer and he stopped wash his hands.

"You don't have the right." Meredith eyes glowed with a blend of anger and pain. A part of her wanted to hit him in his face because of the pain he gave her, but the other part wanted to say the same to him. She hated to be this confused, so she just had to control herself. She stood close to him, but didn't meet his eyes. She gave up and walked to the door. Derek shut his eyes for a second before he opened his mouth.

"Mer.." He turned to her and gave her that sad look again. He hadn't meant to hurt her when he'd said that. To hurt her was the last thing he wanted. The irony struck him hard and fast.

"I'll get you another intern." Meredith said coldly before she walked out of the scrub room. She saw Cristina down the corridor with Bailey at her side. Bailey looked confused when she saw Meredith walk up to them with an upset look on her face.

"Grey.." Bailey was about to say something but saw how Meredith shook her head.

"No. I can't." She turned to Cristina. "Cristina, Dr. Shepherd needs you in OR 3." Meredith walked off. A big smile grew on Cristina's face.

"Alright. Brain surgery." She felt lucky and looked at Bailey, who raised her eyebrows at her. "Don't get me wrong here, I stand up for her. But I mean, wow." Bailey shook her head at Cristina's suddenly happiness and at Meredith's behavior. Cristina walked of towards OR 3, with quick and impatient steps. Bailey sighed deeply before she went after Meredith.

* * *

"Dr. Yang." Derek looked at the intern Meredith had changed herself with. 

"I don't know what you did, but this is great." Cristina started to scrub in and Derek sighed and looked down at the sink. They both got ready and went in to the operation room. Derek took adeep breath and tried to shake off all the feelings that had boiled up in him. He put on his gloves and went to table.

"Let's save this girl's life." The operation began.

Eyes looked down on them. Two of them belonged to Dr. Montgomery Shepherd. Addison sighed when she saw her husband start the operation. She was afraid of the conversation she had before her. How would he take it? She took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair before she walked out of the gallery.

* * *

Meredith shook her head. He didn't have the right, not anymore. Suddenly, Bailey pulled her away on her way to the locker room. 

"What do you think you're doing?" Bailey looked angrily at Meredith who didn't have the courage to meet her eyes at the moment. She didn't answer either. "I don't know what's going on here, but you can't let it get in the way and just leave a surgery like that." Meredith looked up at her.

"Der.. Dr. Shepherd..." She began.

"No, no, no. I didn't ask to hear about your love problems. Just don't let it happen again." Bailey walked away and Meredith nodded for herself. Don't let it get in the way. He could say anything. She could take it. Hopefully..

* * *

"The surgery was a success. Your daughter is going to be fine." Cristina nodded at the five-year-old girl's father. She was as always not in the mood to talk to the patients' relatives, but it was to late. The father wanted to give his thanks to everyone, and Cristina had to be the one who listened. 

"Thank god. Thank you. And that doctor.."

"Dr. Shepherd." Cristina filled him in.

"Yes. Thank him." Derek walked in to the room at that moment and smiled at him.

"I'm Dr. Shepherd. I'm sure Dr. Yang has filled you in on how your daughter is doing. And as for your wife, she's in surgery right now." He tried to keep up the smile and kindness, but his mind wasn't on this matter. He was concentrated on her. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn't drop it. The look on her face. Cristina noticed that something was going on and rolled her eyes.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd. Yes. Oh, thank you for saving my daughter's life." The father threw his arms around Derek and started to sob. Derek was very surprised by the hug. He patted the man's back a little to comfort him, and felt Cristina's eyes stare at them. She smiled with relief when she didn't have to take that hug and left them silently. The father pulled away from Derek and sat down again. Derek smiled and nodded.

"Uhm, no problem." He walked away, towards the elevator.

* * *

Meredith had been sent to the pit as a punishment from Bailey. And she surely felt punished. She walked towards the elevator and stepped in. She pushed the level button and when the doors were about to close, the man she really didn't want to see came through them. Derek looked at her. The elevator was empty except for them. Meredith sighed and looked away when Derek tried to get her attention. He tried to say something but Meredith gave him an angry look. 

"Don't."

Derek took a deep breath. He needed her to listen to what he had to say. He felt as he had to explain once and for all. He reached out and pulled the emergency button. The bell rang and Meredith shook her head with deprecation. Not now.

"Meredith, I never meant to hurt you earlier. That kiss, you, I miss everything about you. And when you listened to my problems, it felt good. That's why I don't regret that it happened. And.." Meredith stared at him with a piercing look.

"Start the elevator.."

"Are you listening to me?" Derek took a step back and saw how Meredith leaned to start the elevator. He stopped her and blocked the button. He took her hand and Meredith knew this was bad. She closed her eyes and shook her head. Derek moved closer to her. Why was he doing this to her? She felt him against her, his smell and his breath made her warm inside. She took a deep breath to remember that smell, and Derek moved even closer. He felt her body against his and he shivered with pleasure when he could smell her hair. They stood against the elevator wall and just looked at each other. Meredith would stay there forever, for once she felt safe and loved, but she couldn't. She closed her eyes to stop the tears from coming and pushed him away. He always made her cry when he tried these things. He sighed while he drew his hand over his face and looked down at the floor.

"This is wrong, bad, and.." She was rembelling.

"Meredith."

"No, Derek. Seriously, what do you think? You come here with your smile, your hair, your eyes and... Just you, all McDreamy-like and I'm hurt, vulnerable. It's easy for you to do this."

"Do what?" Derek looked confused.

"This elevator-thing." Meredith had an angry look on her face but inside she was just hurt. In so much pain because of him. But she knew that the pain wouldn't go away if she weren't with him. Derek nodded at her and was about to start the elevator, but Meredith stopped him.

"My turn to talk." Derek turned his head towards her and wondered if she was going to yell or hit him.

"Everything you do. The looks, the smiles and everything make me crazy. And then you kiss me, which I've longed for for so long, but it doesn't make it much more simple for me. You made your choice. I actually said pick me, but you chose her. And I don't blame you, you wouldn't be you if you didn't try and make it work. But by that, you don't have the right to keep being all Dreamy with me.." She took a deep breath and continued.

"Just stop it. I'm to messed up because of you already, I can't deal with this." Derek sighed sadly and understood exactly what she said. He was after all the one to blame for her pain in the first place. Meredith met his eyes and wondered why everything had to be so complicated.

* * *

At the same time, outside the elevator, a lot of people were angry. 

"What's wrong with the elevator?"

"What the hell.."

"Make it work!"

The chief had tried to calm everyone down while he himself, didn't have a clue on what was happening in the elevator.

"Just calm down, we're doing our best to make the elevator work."

Around the elevator stood nurses, doctors and interns. Bailey's interns stood together next to some nurses.

"10$ it's the Shepherds in there.." Alex nodded towards the elevator doors.

"Dr. Karev." Addison's voice made him turn to her and he met her serious gaze. Izzie looked at George.

"Where's Meredith?" George shrugged and looked around to see if she was close.

In the background stood Cristina in company with Burke. 

"So.. What do you think about a nice dinner tonight?" Burke had his eyes on a chart he held in his hands. Cristina turned to him.

"Yeah.. I.. Well, yes. Sure." Cristina smiled a little before she turned towards the elevator again. Burke smiled at her answer.

Dr. Webber got frustrated and turned to all the people who watched and whispered.

"Hey, this elevator will work in time. Go back to work!"

They glared irritably at him and walked away with slow steps. Burke, Addison and Bailey got back to work. The interns didn't notice that Bailey leaved. Alex turned to an intern that also stayed.

"20$ it's Shepherd." The intern turned to him with a raised eyebrow.

"With who?" Alex looked around.

"Could be a nurse. Or maybe Dr..." Izzie hit him in the head with the palm of her hand.

"Shut up, Alex." Alex looked angrily at her, but understood why she'd hit him. George noticed that Bailey watched them with a piercing look and her hands on her hips. He straightened himself and walked away to her. Izzie took his example and Alex got confused. He met Bailey's look and understood.

"Well, anyways.." He shrugged at the intern and started to walk towards Bailey.

Bailey sighed and shook her head.

"Where's Grey?" She asked while she looked down at the chart she held. No one answered and Bailey looked angrily at them.

"Well, get to work. O'Malley and Karev, surgery with Dr. Shepherd if I'm not mistaking." Alex and George nodded and walked away. But George wrinkled his eyebrows and turned around to look at Bailey.

"Where is Dr. Shepherd?"

* * *

"Okay." Derek looked down. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed. 

"Okay?" Meredith didn't really understand his suddenly statement. Derek took a deep breath.

"I'll stop it. Well, I'll try.. It's just.. When I look at you I can't help myself. Your smile, your eyes." He smiled mildly at her while he talked, but stopped himself. "But okay. If it hurts you, I'll stop. Just stop.." He nodded to confirm what he did at the moment. He was unsure if it was going to work, but he had to try for her sake. Meredith saw the sadness in his eyes and didn't actually want him to stop being Dreamy with her. But it hurt her even more when she realized that she couldn't have him.

"But remember, Meredith. You can always talk to me. Whatever it is, I'll help you." Derek wanted to make sure that despite of everything between them, he was her friend, and he cared a lot about her. Meredith smiled at him.

"I'll remember." She gave him a smile before sheleaned forward and started the elevator. Derek took a step forward and stood beside her. They exchanged looks before the elevator doors opened and they were met by a lot of people just staring at them. The chief sighed and walked up to them.

"What the hell happened?" He had an angry look on his face but Derek or Meredith didn't know what to say. Derek was about to open his mouth but Meredith stepped forward.

"We had an argument. About a patient. Sir." All the people around them heard and sighed in disappointment. After all their waiting, that's what they got for an explanation. They shook their heads in irritation. The chief looked suspiciously from Meredith to Derek. Both their looks meant, "Drop it!" and the chief nodded in response. He understood that this was personal, so he had to drop it.

"Just don't let it happen again." He walked away.

Derek watched him leave and then looked at Meredith. She gave him a nod and a smile.

"Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Grey." Derek smiled friendly at her and turned to walk away. Meredith looked after him for a second before she walked off.

* * *

**Well, that wasn't really a cliffhanger, but I think it was a good way to end this chapter. But it's not over yet. If you have any thoughts, please tell me. And could someone tell me if my english works, beacause I'm a little worried about it. So until next time, please keep reviewing.**


	5. Survival

Chapter V - Survival

A nurse cleaned a square on the board. The chief stood behind her and looked happy. The board was full. Surgeries came and went.

"Nice board, chief." Burke walked towards him from the corridor left to Dr. Webber. Derek walked up to the board.

"Yes, isn't it?" The chief looked pleased. He turned to them and he nodded with a smile on his face before he left them. Derek took a quick look on the board before he nodded at Burke and ran up the stairs. Cristina walked towards Burke with her eyes on a chart she held in her hands.

"I need an intern to scrub in on my surgery. You free?" Cristina looked up at him, and a smile showed on her face.

"Yeah." Burke nodded and started to walk away from the board. Cristina followed him. Meredith walked past them and bumped into Addison. Addison looked at her. The woman her husband was in love with. What did she have, that Addison didn't? Meredith got a little insecure when Addison just stood there and looked at her as she was going to punch her down.

"Dr. Shepherd." Meredith said in a confused voice before she slowly walked away from her. Addison looked down and took a deep breath before she walked off.

* * *

Some of the patients in Seattle Grace survive without complications, and unfortunately some don't. In Derek Shepherd's case, the patient didn't survive. Mrs. Kiel died on the table. Derek never took death good. He pulled of his gloves and looked down at the floor.

"Call it, O'Malley." Derek turned his back at George and Alex.

"Time of death, 19.43." George walked towards the scrub room with Alex right behind him.

* * *

In Preston Burke's case, the patient survived.

"Good work everybody." Burke looked over at Cristina. "Dr. Yang." A smile appeared under his mask, and he walked out of the OR. Cristina went after him to the scrub room.

"Are you off for the rest of the evening?" Burke looked at her and pulled of his cap.

"Yes." Cristina met his eyes. "I'll take that dinner now." Burke nodded and smiled before he left her. Cristina threw away her mask and gloves and walked out of the room.

* * *

"We need to talk." Addison looked at Derek who stood by the nurse's station with a chart in front of him. He looked up at her and saw that sadness once more. He nodded and gave the chart to the nurse behind the counter.

"Let's take it at Joe's." Derek didn't sound to happy about it, and actually he wasn't. But it was also the death of his patient that made him sound sad. This was going to be a long night. Addison smiled a small smile and went after Derek, who walked out of the hospital.

Meredith watched as they left the building together. Izzie looked at her with suspiciousness.

"What happened in the elevator? Come on, Mer. Tell me." Meredith turned to her and smiled.

"There's nothing to tell." Meredith walked past Izzie and went to the locker room. George met an irritated Izzie-look.

"She won't tell us, George." George looked over at Meredith.

"No, I will not. Because there's nothing to tell."

"Oh, you filthy liar." Cristina walked up to her locker. Meredith still smiled and looked quite pleased. She had managed to make her friends curious, and that was always a pleasure.

"Good bye now." She gave them one last teasing smile and then turned to walk out of the room and towards the hospital exit.

* * *

Inside Joe's bar, there are always a lot of people. Sometimes it's quite hard to get a table or a seat at the bar. But the married couple that walked in managed to get a table in a corner of the bar. Addison sat down and Derek went to the bar to order what they would drink for this conversation. Joe looked suspiciously at Derek.

"What's up, Doc?" Derek looked at Joe, while he picked up his wallet.

"We're going to "talk" talk." He sighed. This was tough for both of them.

Addison got herself prepared. She had a reason to be nervous, but she'd put up a plan on what she was going to say. Maybe the best thing would be to bring up his mistake first. Or maybe not. She looked over at Derek, who had his back towards her. He ordered what they were going to drink. Addison sighed deeply and looked down at the table.

Joe looked over at Addison.

"She looks nervous, man." He gave Derek one of their drinks. "I'm tellin' ya, Addison Shepherd never looks nervous." Derek glared at him.

"Thanks for the support." He paid for their drinks. "Wish me luck." Joe smiled and nodded.

Derek got back to his chair and gave Addison her drink. Addison looked away. She didn't dare to meet his eyes. Derek thought she was angry with him. He sighed.

"Well, you heard Stevens earlier, didn't you?" Addison gave him a fast nod in response.

"Yes, I did. And you saw me with Mark."

"Yeah." Derek laughed at the matter of course. He looked down at his glass of scotch. Addison looked at him. She couldn't do this anymore; she just had to tell him right away. She swallowed half her drink and Derek looked at her in shock.

"What are you..?" She cut him off.

"When you left the trailer, me crying and Mark bleeding.." Addison took a deep breath before continuing. Derek listened carefully.

"Something kind of happened." Addison avoided getting to the point, but Derek started to understand what she was saying. Addison swallowed nervously. Here it goes.

"I slept with Mark." Addison put her hands out on the table and told him in a low voice. She tried to be discreet but Derek had already got to his feet. "Derek." She tried but knew it was for no good. Derek gave her a piercing glare and swallowed his scotch. He grabbed his things and walked away. Addison watched him leave, as all the guests in the bar did too. Joe looked from Derek to Addison. He hadn't heard what they'd talked about, so he felt sorry for Addison when he saw her sitting there in the corner by herself. But Addison knew she'd earned it.

* * *

**Okey, so I know this one was very short, and quite pointless. Well, not the end but the first part. But I will update very soon. Maybe today or tomorrow. So hang in there, and keep reading and reviewing please.**


	6. End Up

**Thank you all. I love your reviews! And keep up the good work, it keeps me writing. I don't know how long this story is going to be, we'll just have to see how it ends up. But we're not near the end yet, I think. ****Well, okay. Here's chapter 6. I'm not going to say anything actually. Just read and review you thoughts on this one.**

Chapter VI – End Up

Meredith sat in the kitchen caught up in a book. Izzie came in with George right behind her. She started to look for food and George sat down in the chair next to Meredith.

"Hey guys.." She smiled but didn't look up from her book.

"Mer.." Izzie turned to her.

"Mmm.." Meredith kept reading.

"I thought I made it very clear to you this morning that it was your turn to buy food." Izzie placed her hands on her hips and waited for an explanation. Meredith looked up.

"Oh."

"Oh? Damn it, Meredith. We're hungry!" Meredith nodded and put down her book. You don't want to make Izzie hungry.

"I'll go right now." She ran away to the stairs and got up to her room to put on some more acceptable clothes.

* * *

Derek sat behind the wheel and drove. He's mind was messed up and at the moment he didn't know where he was going. But when he ended up at her house, he sighed and leaned back. "Off course." He opened the car door and went out. He looked at the house and had no idea why he was here. Why would Meredith want to hear about his problems? How could he even think about going to her place. Well, he hadn't been thinking, he'd just ended up here. Maybe he should give it a try, this friend thing he had with her. Maybe he would feel better if someone just listened. Well, he knew how it went the first time, but this was different. At least he thought so. Without making up his mind about it, Derek started to walk towards the door of the house.

* * *

Meredith ran down the stairs and grabbed first her jacket and then her car keys. She looked in to the kitchen and saw that Izzie had started to read her book and George built a house of cards. Meredith smiled a little before she went out the door. She closed it carefully behind her and walked towards her car. With her eyes on the ground she didn't see the man who walked towards her, so she bumped in to him. She dropped her jacket and keys with shock and when she looked up, Derek had already got to the ground to pick up her things. Meredith looked at him while he got up from his knees and gave her the jacket and the keys.

"Hi." Derek didn't smile, and Meredith saw that something was wrong.

"Hi." Meredith was a little confused. "Why are you standing outside my house?" She put on her jacket, still with her eyes on him. Derek looked sad.

"You were the first person I thought of." Meredith pulled her hand through her hair and raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, I didn't really think.."

"Something wrong?" She got a bit worried. He didn't come here for no reason.

"Yeah." Derek put his hands in his pockets and looked at her. He couldn't do this, she didn't need to hear about his messed up marriage. Meredith tried to figure out what was wrong. And why he had come to her.

Derek sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here." He turned away and started to walk to his car. Meredith took a deep breath and went after him. He saw how she ran up to him and he stopped to look at her. She smiled to comfort him, and he, as always, smiled when he saw that smile.

"We're friends. You can talk to me." Meredith wanted to hit herself, why did she do this. It could be about something she really didn't have the strength to listen to. But they had made up their minds on this friendship, they had to help each other. It was stupid, really, but she had to give it a try. Derek thanked her with a smile and opened his mouth to tell her. He had his eyes on the ground.

"She slept with Mark." He raised his look and met her eyes. Meredith was shocked. She would've never guessed that. She didn't really know what to say to him.

"The worst thing is that it was my fault." Meredith shook her head in disapproval, but he just kept going. "I leaved her crying and him bleeding. She was hurt and went to him once again for comfort." Meredith put her hand on his chest to try and get his attention. "I felt something. Something was wrong when I came home, something had happened. But I didn't think of the possibility of this."

Derek started to walk around while he talked. He put his hand on his forehead. Thoughts about everything flew through his mind. He took a deep breath and sat down on her porch. He buried his face in his hands and sighed. Meredith watched him walk around. He looked confused and sad. She knew the feeling. She walked up to him and bent down to look him in the eyes.

"You can't blame yourself for this. It was her choice.."

"What about my choice? I chose her instead of you. And she goes and sleeps with him, _again_." Meredith sat down next to him and looked at him. He met her eyes and smiled once more. "Tell me what to do, Meredith." He sighed and looked away.

Meredith didn't move her eyes from his face. She wanted to say "Love me.", as an answer, but she knew that it would be stupid and wrong. How could she even think about it?

"Well, you could talk to her. Make it work, you know. Or.." She didn't know if it was bad to say the other option so she hesitated. But Derek understood and ended the sentence.

"..leave her to Mark.."

Meredith nodded sadly, though she truly hoped that he would choose the second option. It was close that she said "And take me back." But she stopped herself.

"_Damn, stop thinking about yourself."_

She had had enough of her selfish thoughts, and it was hard to listen to his problem, so she got to her feet.

"I have to buy food." She said simply and smiled friendly at him. She didn't know what else to do. Derek got up and smiled back at her. He knew this was hard for her, and he started to question if their friendship could possibly hold.

"Yeah, okay." He was about to turn around, but he stopped and just looked at her for a second. He sighed and turned around. Meredith knew that sigh way to well. She felt sorry for him for being so alone this night. She hesitated for a second before stopping him.

"Well..." She started and saw how Derek turned his head to her. "I could use some help."

She smiled and walked up to him. He looked surprised.

"Really?" He didn't really know why she did this, but smiled at her and saw how she nodded in response.

"Let's go." She walked to her car and locked it up. Derek looked down at the ground and smiled, still confused. They got into her car and drove away to the nearest store.

* * *

Meredith parked her car and they got out. In the store, Derek walked behind Meredith in silence. She didn't know if he looked at her or if he just walked. She had no idea what had made her take the decision that Derek could come with her. Probably because he looked so sad and lonely, and because she usually enjoyed having him around. But this was quite awkward.

"This one is nice. Tastes good. Very good, actually." They stood by the frozen pizzas, and Derek pointed at one sort while Meredith held another. She smiled, a little surprised what he'd said.

"Really?" Derek smiled back at her.

"Yeah, you should try it." He walked away with his hands in his pockets, sometimes he pulled out one hand to look at something. Meredith watched him walk with curiosity in her eyes. She took the pizza Derek had talked about and walked past him towards the cashier. He followed her with his eyes and steps.

When they got to the cashier, Derek helped Meredith to pack the goods in bags. Meredith smiled a little while she searched all her pockets for her wallet. The cashier started to get irritated, but Meredith couldn't find it.

"Damn it." She had left it at home. Derek walked up to her and smiled friendly.

"I'll take it." He paid the cashier for the goods and when he was done, he grabbed the bags and waited for Meredith to stop whatever she was doing and go home.

Meredith watched him pay and take care of the bags. She smiled at the cashier and went after him. They walked out to the car, and Derek put the bags in the back seat and turned to Meredith.

"Thank you." She said it with belief in her voice, she really wanted him to know she was thankful.

"No problem." He smiled and got into the car. Meredith followed his example but when she sat down, she couldn't stop looking at him. Why did he have to be so damn perfect. Meredith had to bite herself in the lip to get her eyes from him and to the car keys. She started the engine and drove back to the house.

* * *

At the house, Derek helped her once more with the bags. Meredith just showed him into the house and closed the door behind her. He waited for her to go first, so she walked in to the kitchen with Derek right behind her.

"What took you so long?" Izzie turned from the sink and jumped by surprise when she saw a man behind Meredith.

"Dr. Shepherd.." Derek walked up to her and placed the bags on the bench.

"Stevens." George just stared. He wasn't prepared for this. Derek smiled at them both with a little insecurity before he walked out of the kitchen.

"Good night!" Izzie yelled after him. "And thanks!" Meredith glared at her quickly before she leaned over the table and got her wallet. She went after Derek who waited for her in the hall.

"Thank you, Meredith. For being.. friendly." He smiled at her. Meredith searched her wallet after the money she owed him. Derek put his hand on hers.

"Don't. Let's say we're even." Derek actually sounded quite glad when he said that last thing, and Meredith was happy to hear that positive tone in his voice.

"Well, thank you. For the help and.. yeah." She tried just to talk to him but she couldn't do it without gesturing with her hands. She ran her fingers through her hair to calm herself down. Derek smiled.

"Goodnight, Meredith." He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek. Meredith shivered by his lips against her and closed her eyes. Leaning it against her forehead, Derek didn't pull back his head, and when Meredith realized that, she couldn't hold herself. She tried hard, but just couldn't. Derek didn't know what kept his head in that position, but he couldn't move. Meredith turned her face and kissed him. Derek closed his eyes and started to slowly kiss her back. Like he'd wanted this to happen for a long time, which he had. He pulled his arms around her body and she put her hand on his neck. Without thinking clearly at all, and not noticing the four eyes from the kitchen, they backed up the stairs and made their way to her room.

Izzie and George exchanged confused looks after what they had seen.

* * *

**Yep, there it was. Keep reading and reviewing, guys.**


	7. Regret

**Thank you for all your wonderful reviews. What would I do without them? Well, this is chapter 7. Quite short actually, but it's good I think. I don't know what's going to happen. I just take each chapter one by one and see how it turns up. After this, I may have a clue how I'm going to continue, but I'm not sure. So if you have any ideas, please write them. Or maybe it's going to take a long time for me to come up with another chapter, and I don't want to be stuck here. I love writing, but when you don't have any ideas, what are you supposed to do? Well, I'm going to let you read this one before you can go on with reviewing these wonderful reviews and give me ideas on how this story is going to continue. Hope you enjoy. **

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Chapter VII – Regret

When the sun shows up in the morning, there is always at least one thing you regret from the day before. If it's a big mistake you've done, the regret can be all over you the whole day. While small mistakes just disappear from your mind. Sometimes, the mistake was a wonderful thing, and then you just can't regret it, even if you want too.

* * *

Izzie woke up with company. Alex had come over late last night and now slept next to her. Izzie looked at the clock beside her and got up. She hit Alex on the arm to wake him up, but he just turned his back on her and muttered something. Izzie didn't give up, so she hit him in the head this time. At last, Alex made his way to his clothes and dressed. Izzie followed his example and before she made him leave, she kissed him wildly. He smiled and carefully left the house. Izzie walked to the kitchen and started to make coffee and breakfast. 

Regret: Saw Meredith and Derek last night, and they kissed.

* * *

Upstairs, George woke up alone. He got up and dressed. He made his way to the kitchen and watched as Izzie made some breakfast. 

"Good morning, George." Izzie sounded to be in a good mood, and George yawned her in the face.

"Hi." He took a sandwich and some juice from the refrigerator. "When did Alex leave?" George looked down at the sandwich with a skeptic look. Izzie sighed. She had tried to hide that Alex had come over, but George was not to be fooled.

"Some minutes ago." Izzie returned to make her breakfast. George nodded and picked out a tomato from the sandwich and then took a bite. He ate it while he read the newspaper.

Regret: Saw Meredith and Derek last night, kissing.

* * *

Meredith opened her eyes and felt a warm breath in her neck. She turned to him and watched him sleep. At the moment, she didn't care that this was wrong. To have him beside her was what she'd longed for; she didn't want anything to come between. She carefully moved closer to him and took a deep breath of his smell. As she watched him breath in and out, she started to play with his hair and pulled her hand through it. Derek slowly opened his eyes and looked at her. He gave her a beautiful smile and a kiss. Meredith put her hands on his chest and he caressed her arm with his hand. 

"Good morning." Derek said softly and smiled. Meredith smiled and moved her hands up to his neck.

"Good morning." Their voices was low and the moment was calm, until the alarm clock went off. Meredith sighed and rolled over to her bedside table. She stopped the clock from ringing and sat up in the bed. Suddenly she heard someone walk up the stairs, and towards her room. She got to her feet with the sheet around her body and went to her door. Just as Izzie opened the door, Meredith stood in front of her. She got out and shut the door behind her. Izzie wrinkled her eyes at Meredith's behavior and looked at her.

"Good morning." She said with a suspicious tone.

"Hi. What's up?" Meredith gave Izzie a fake smile and tried to seem interested.

"What's up with you and all the sneaking ness? I know McDreamy is in there.

"What? How?"

"Me and George saw, _and_ heard you "sneak" up to your bedroom last night. But Mer, why are you doing this? He's still married." Izzie worried about her, and Meredith heard that in her voice. It hadn't hit her until now how awfully wrong this was. Before, she had just tried to forget it, and enjoy the moment she had with him, but now she realized once more. This was a mistake. Her regret.

* * *

Derek yawned and put on his clothes. He didn't know what happened outside of the room, but knew that he had to wait before he could leave for the hospital. He tried not to be heard in there. He had no idea that Izzie and George had seen him with Meredith yesterday. He sat down on the bed and looked around in the room. He sighed and a sad look came back on his face. This was something he'd wanted for so long and he never wanted to let it go. But he had to face Addison and talk to her. Tell her. Then the ball was in her court, he thought. And he had a feeling that she was going to think that he slept with Meredith for revenge, which was the last thing he would ever do to Meredith. He heard how the door opened, and Meredith walked in to the room. 

"Mer." Derek got to his feet and walked up to her. He put his hand on her cheek and kissed her gently on her forehead. "I really have to leave for the hospital, so we'll talk about this later, okay?" Meredith sighed when he kissed her.

"Was it for revenge?" She looked up at him with pain in her eyes. Right before she had entered the room, she'd told Izzie about what had happened between Addison and Derek. Izzie didn't want to mention it, but she had to. Maybe it was for revenge. At least some part of it. She didn't know what to think.

Derek took her words hard. He opened his eyes wide at her and took a step back.

"Why in the world would you think that?" He was nearly speechless, but Meredith didn't think he could blame her for asking.

"I have to ask, don't I? I don't know what's going on in your head." She walked past him and grabbed a sweater from the floor. Derek looked at her. She was right.

"It wasn't for revenge, I would never do that to you. This was something that happened because I wanted to. And because you wanted it as well, right?" He walked up to her. Meredith turned to face him. She couldn't to this. She had to stop it. And she had to do it now.

"Derek, this was a mistake. Both of us know it, but it just happened. It was like a strong stream you can't stop, you just have to let it go." Meredith took a deep breath. "I'm done. My stream goes in another direction." Derek listened to her complicated metaphor and looked sadly at her. He took a step towards her, but stopped himself.

"So, you're saying you regret it?" Meredith looked up at him and met his sadness and saw that he was confused and didn't know what was going on.

The final answer. She had to lie to him, or he wouldn't let go.

"Yes." Her answer was short and cold. She grabbed a pair of jeans along with the sweater in her hand, before she walked to the bathroom. Derek had his eyes on the floor while she left him. He heard the bathroom door close and he turned his head towards it. He sighed sadly and rubbed his eyes with his fingers. He gave the bathroom door one last look before he walked out of the room. He got down the stairs and out of the house. The car drove away.

Inside the bathroom, Meredith sat with the sheet tight around her and the clothes beside her. She had heard him leave the room and took a deep breath. After she realized what she had done, the sobbing began. She had lied to him just to get rid of him. Why was this so painful, he deserved it. And it was for the best. She had to keep telling herself this, or she was going to drown herself in the bathtub next to her. The sobbing didn't stop and Meredith leaned her head against the door with her eyes fixed on the ceiling.

"_It's for the best.."

* * *

_

**So now,** **give me** **your thoughts. Bring it on. Well, not if they're mean. That's just bad for my writing, or something. Well, please keep reading and reviewing. Bye for now.**


	8. Fall

**Well, here it is. I want to thank all of you who reviewed, and all of you who justread the story, hope you enjoyed it though you didn't review. This chapter took a long time to wright. I had no idea of what was going to happen, but then my best friend Jonathan gave me some ideas, and I started to write. So I want to thank my dear friend Jonathan for his help on this one, and everything else that he'd been doing for me lately. Please enjoy this chapter. I don't even know if you like it, but something had to happen. Now I will just shut up and let you read. And don't forget to leave a review afterwards. Hope you enjoy!

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Chapter VIII – Fall

Derek drove back to the trailer. He had to pick up some things before leaving for work. He went in and threw his bag on the table. A paper flew down on the floor, and Derek looked at it. He saw that it was a letter from Addison; he knew that handwriting so well. He didn't dare to pick it up. He went to the kitchen and took a glass of water. While drinking it, he couldn't stop thinking about what Meredith had said. She couldn't possibly mean it, could she? He found himself staring at the piece of paper on the floor. He felt ridiculous for not daring to read it. It was just a letter. But it was probably the letter that would change his life once more. Derek took a deep breath and turned his back on it. He closed his eyes and put the glass in the sink. Why was everything so damn complicated?

* * *

Cristina sneaked out of the bedroom and in to the kitchen. She had put on one of Burke's shirts and went to take something to drink. She saw all the plates from the day before. A smile suddenly grew on her face. The dinner had been nice, and a very good start. They had actually talked. Maybe about medicine, but they had talked. And she felt nice. She heard her phone ring from the bedroom. She ran in there and heard how Burke let out a groan. She picked up the phone and heard Izzie on the other end. 

"Cristina, Mer has locked herself in the bathroom, and she's not answering." Cristina sighed and ran around to pick up her clothes.

"Kick the door in, Iz." Cristina sighed, like it was obvious that it was the solution.

"What? No.." Izzie was very worried, she didn't know what Meredith was doing. She hadn't seen her since Derek left the house, which was an hour ago. She had at first heard some sobbing, but when she went back to her, it was quiet. Cristina said that she'd come to them, and hung up. Burke watched her ran around in the room

"What's going on?" Cristina didn't have time to look at him.

"Meredith has locked herself in the bathroom, and Izzie wont kick in the door." She sighed and leaned towards Burke and kissed him. Burke kissed her back.

"See you at the hospital." Cristina ran out of the door and Burke leaned back in the bed.

* * *

George walked around in Meredith's room, while Izzie stood by the door. 

"Mer, are you okay?" Izzie sighed when she didn't get an answer. An hour, she couldn't have hurt herself or something could she? George looked at Izzie.

"Maybe we should call him." Izzie stared at him.

"He did this, what could possibly help by him coming here?" Izzie sighed deeply, maybe George was right. "Okay, if Cristina can't get her out of there, then we call him." George nodded and walked up to the door.

"Mer! Talk to us!" They shook their heads, nothing. Suddenly they heard someone ran up the stairs. Cristina sighed when she saw them by the door.

"It can't be that serious." She walked up to the door. "Mer, come out of there." Cristina waited for a minute, before she really got worried. She didn't think it was this serious.

"What happened?" She looked from the door to Izzie and George.

"Derek was here last night. Addison slept with Mark, and he came here for Meredith's support. And the last thing we saw last night, were them, kissing. And this morning, I talked to Meredith before she went in to the bedroom and talked Derek off, and then he left. And since then, well over an hour ago, she'd been in there, not answering to our calls." Cristina tried to open the door.

"Did he hurt her?" She didn't know what else to say.

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, I don't know, she's not responding, is she?" Cristina shrugged and watched how George suddenly picked up the phone.

"We have to call him." George looked from Izzie to Cristina. Izzie nodded, maybe he could help. Cristina shook her head.

"No. That's the last thing we're going to do. We'll have to kick in the door." She said simply.

"You make it sound very simple." Izzie turned to her and placed her hands on her hips. While Cristina argued with Izzie on how they were going to break the door, George watched. He had to do something. Meredith could be hurt. He dialed Derek's pager number fast, and hoped to god that he could help Meredith.

* * *

Derek looked at the letter in front of him. 

_Dear Derek, _

_I know you are very upset with me and that what I did is unforgivable, but could we please talk. I need to talk to you about us. I sleep at a hotel tonight, so I'll see you at the hospital, maybe we can talk after work. I understand if you don't want to talk, but Derek, you can't run away from this. We need to sort it out, even if it means the end of our marriage. Think about it._

_Addison._

Derek closed his eyes and put the letter on the table. He buried his face in his hands and thought about what he was supposed to do. He knew she was right, he had to talk to her. He couldn't run away from this. But the thing he was worried about, was his second mistake. Last night. Both Addison and Derek had done the same things now, kissed the one they care about and slept with them. He smiled at the irony. Done it, but not with your wife. His pager disturbed his thinking. He picked it up from his belt and saw that it showed Meredith's home number. He got to his feet. Why did she page him? He just knew he had to go. He picked up his bag and ran to his car. The engine started and Derek drove towards her house.

* * *

Meredith saw nothing but darkness. Black everywhere. She tried to open her eyes, but she couldn't. She was just so tired. Sounds from the door came forward, but she didn't have the strength to respond. Her cheeks were wet from tears and sweat. Suddenly she heard something crack. She slowly opened one of her eyes, and saw that someone tried to force the door open. Meredith lay in the bathtub with the sheet still around her body. She had sat on the floor for a minute or two, before she tried to get in the bathtub, just to lie down a bit. But she had tripped and hit her head. She'd been out for an hour, and now she felt the headache. She touched the back of her head with her hand and then looked at the palm. Blood. She looked desperately after help but she only heard far away voices. She got scared and started to panic. They were so near but couldn't get to her.

* * *

Cristina pushed George to the door. 

"Try to kick it in." George looked at her with a confused look. "Come on, you're a man."

"Hey." He didn't really know what to do; he hadn't done something like this before. Izzie hushed them and they all listened while someone knocked on the front door. Cristina and Izzie exchanged looks, and then they looked at George. George sighed deeply.

"I had to call him." Cristina stared at him.

"Oh, this is just great." George ran away down the stairs to open the door for Derek.

"O'Malley, what happened?" Derek walked in and looked at George while he closed the door behind him. He started to wonder why George was the one to let him in and why he was so quiet.

"Follow me." George ran up the stairs with Derek right behind him. Derek stepped into the room and met Cristina and Izzie's looks. He wrinkled an eyebrow and then looked at the door to the bathroom. He opened his mouth to say something, but he didn't need to ask. He understood by their worried looks.

"We thought maybe you could.." Izzie began, and Derek had already thrown his bag on the bed and walked to the door.

"Meredith!"

Meredith suddenly opened both her eyes. She heard his voice. What was he doing here? Hadn't he just left? She tried to get up from the bathtub but didn't have the strength. She tried to scream, but the only thing that left her mouth was a groan.

Derek thought he heard something, but she didn't open the door. He took a deep breath. Now he was worried, wondering if something had happened to her. He tried to knock in the door, and he felt how it gave loose. He kept going and after just a minute or two, the door cracked open. Derek met her eyes and saw the tears and the blood in her face. Meredith started to cry, she was scared. She stared at the blood on her hands. Derek went up to her and picked her up in his arms. She leaned against his shoulder and just let the tears coming. Derek put her down on the bed and looked at her head. He saw the scar at the back of it and made sure that it was the only one. Izzie, Cristina and George saw how Derek sat down beside her and held her hand. Meredith looked at him. Derek put his hand on her cheek and smiled with relief.

"You're okay." He confirmed to himself. Meredith put her hand on his and closed her eyes. She felt the warmth from it. She felt safe. The tears kept coming and she was still in panic. Derek tried to calm her down. "Shh.." He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. Meredith took some deep breaths and closed her eyes. A tear fell down her cheek and she started to breath more calmly. He was there beside her. Everything was going to be okay.

* * *

Addison watched him from distance. He looked so worried. She found herself being jealous at Meredith because she was hurt. She shook her head to get rid of those thoughts. How could she even think that way. She heard how Derek and Bailey discussed Meredith. 

"She's going to be fine. She hit her head quite hard, but with the right recovery, she's going to be just fine." Bailey noticed how hard it was for him, and tried to calm him down. Derek nodded and looked at her.

"Okay, good. She's going to be okay." He repeated it to confirm it, and Bailey smiled.

"She's lucky you came to rescue. Like a real friend." She emphasized the last part. Derek looked at her. He understood what she was saying. He acted like he was married to her. But when he had seen her in the bathtub with blood on her face, his heart had jumped. He'd never been so scared. Derek nodded at Bailey and walked off. Bailey watched him leave and sighed.

"Stupid men." She shook her head and walked away.

* * *

Meredith slowly opened her eyes. The first people she saw were her friends. They stood beside her bed and smiled with relief when she looked at them. 

"Hey, you're awake." Izzie smiled and touched her hand. Cristina walked up to her.

"McDreamy actually broke your bathroom door to get you out." She looked impressed. Meredith smiled.

"I do remember that part." Her voice was weak and she felt groggy. She tried to sit up but felt the dizziness. Her friends saw it, and nodded.

"Well, you should rest. We'll come by later." Izzie walked towards the door.

"Thanks."

"You scared us there for a while." Bailey came through the door and picked up Meredith's chart. The interns left the room and Meredith looked at her resident. "You'll be fine. We sewed the back of your head and took some labs, but with the right recovery, you'll be back on your feet soon." Meredith smiled a small smile.

"Thanks." Bailey put back the chart.

"Well, you know who you should thank. He's out there, wandering the halls. Now, don't even think about getting out of that bed before tomorrow." Bailey pointed at her and warned her. Meredith nodded and leaned back in the bed. Bailey walked out of the room and met Derek on her way.

"I heard she's awake." Derek sounded impatient. He wanted to go in there.

"Yes, she is." Bailey was about to say something more, but Derek had already left her. She saw him enter Meredith's room, and she sighed deeply.

Meredith looked up when she heard someone enter the room. She met his eyes and saw the relief in them. He sighed and smiled at her.

"You're okay." Derek walked up to her.

"Yes, I am." She watched as he pulled up a chair beside her and sat down. Meredith looked at him. She remembered when he had walked in to the bathroom and picked her up in his arms. And then his hand against her cheek and the kiss on her hand. She remembered everything about that moment, but after that, the memory was cloudy. "You came to get me." She said silently and looked down at her hands in her knee. Derek looked at her and smiled.

"Off course I did. You scared me, Meredith." Meredith raised her gaze to look at him.

"I was scared to." Derek nodded with understanding and took her hand in his.

* * *

On the other end of the hospital, there was a lot going on. One second Addison was operating, and the second she'd lost it. The nurses in the OR had questioned her and she'd got so angry she yelled with everyone in there. The girl on the table died. Addison threw away her gloves and walked angrily out of the room. The nurses started to clean up in silence. 

Addison walked in to an on call-room and shut the door. It was now she noticed the tears falling down her face. She walked up to the bed and sat down. What was she going to do? She couldn't lose him now. She couldn't let him go. Not just yet. She loved him. Love. But did he love her? Addison wanted to believe it, but wasn't sure that it was very believable after what she'd done now, twice. No wonder he hangs around Meredith. Suddenly the door opened and Izzie walked in. Addison looked up and started to wipe her face free from tears.

"Dr. Shepherd, we need you." Izzie hesitated for a second. Was she crying? Addison cleared her throat and nodded.

"Let's go then." She walked past Izzie and out of the on call-room. Izzie followed her and showed her the way to the patient.

* * *

Meredith looked at him while he checked his pager. Derek stood up and looked at her. 

"I have to go." He really didn't want to go. He wanted to make sure she was okay. He knew she was, but he wanted to be there with her. Meredith didn't want him to leave. But she knew that now that she was the patient, she was going to lay here alone. The doctors had to work. Derek leaned in and kissed her forehead. Meredith closed her eyes with pleasure and watched him leave. But just as he was about to close the door, he turned around, walked up to her and kissed her gently on the lips. Meredith was surprised, but that didn't stop her from enjoying it. Derekslowly pulledaway andlooked at her with his face still near. He cleared his throat. Meredith looked in to his eyes and tried to figure out why he was doing this. Derek opened his mouth, but changed his mind. He swallowed nervously and slowly turned around. Meredith put her hand on his, which still lay on the bed. Sure, it was a great kiss after everything Meredith had been through, but what was he thinking? Derek didn't know what he was doing, after what happened this morning, he'd actually thought that their last moment together had been that fight. He hadn't realized that while their relationship went upside down, he could lose her just like that. So he felt like he had to do this on last thing before that really happened. He looked at their hands and slowly felt her fingers angainst his before he pulled his hand away and went out the room. Meredith was still trying to understand what that kiss was about.

* * *

Alex watched Derek leave the room. He cleared his throat and went in there. Meredith was stillthinking, and Alex slowly walked up to her. 

"Hey." Meredith looked up when she heard him talk and smiled with surprise.

"Alex." She had a little suspiciousness in her voice. "What brings you here?" Alex sat down in the chair beside her bed and leaned back.

"Bailey has put me on so much shit this morning because you guys were late." Meredith smiled. Alex leered at her. "But, I managed. So, how's your head?" He didn't make it sound as he cared, it was just a simple question. But Meredith knew he wouldn't be there if he didn't care.

"Well, I'm doing better, and Bailey says I can be up walking in the morning." Alex nodded.

"I heard about Shepherd breaking your bathroom door."

"Yeah, I passed out and didn't answer, you know. So there he was, breaking my bathroom door." Meredith looked at Alex.

"Well, I should've broke your door if I hadn't been busy running around on Bailey's command."

"I'm sure you had." She nodded at him and heard his pager go off. Alex got to his feet.

"Work to do." He walked to the door and turned his head to her. "See you later." Meredith smiled at the words.

"Sure do." Alex nodded at her and left the room.

* * *

George, Cristina and Izzie sat in the locker-room. George was eating a sandwich and Cristina and Izzie sat on the bench. Izzie broke the silence. 

"I wonder what happened." Cristina and George looked at her.

"What?" Izzie looked at them.

"How she hit her head." Cristina rolled her eyes.

"Well, she obviously slipped."

"How do you know that? Maybe it's more serious.." George cleared his throat.

"You don't think she would actually hurt herself for him?" Izzie sighed.

"I don't know." Cristina looked from Izzie to George. She sighed deeply and got to her feet.

"She's fine now, isn't she? Who cares what happened?" Cristina took her things and went out the door. Izzie and George wrinkled their eyebrows in confusion. Cristina took a deep breath. She couldn't handle this in any other way than denial. When she'd seen Meredith in that bathtub, she had nearly passed out herself. To see a friend in so much fear, was really scary. She kept walking and suddenly she bumped in to Burke. He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked at her. Cristina met his eyes.

"Are you okay? I heard about Grey." Burke saw how she nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She smiled a small smile to confirm it to him, and he let her shoulders go.

"Ok, good. Well, I'll see you later then." Cristina nodded once more and walked away. Burke watched her leave before he went off.

* * *

Derek met Addison in the hallway. They both walked up to each other nervously and Addison was the one to start talking. 

"Are you off?" Derek looked at her.

"Soon. I've got to.." He hesitated, but Addison nodded and smiled with understanding.

"See her." Derek sighed.

"Yeah." He gave her a small smile. " I'll call you, and then we'll talk." Addison met his eyes and nodded.

"Good." She was surprised by his behavior. Yesterday he'd been very angry with her, and now he was willing to talk. She smiled. "See you later then."

"Yes." Derek nodded and walked away. Addison walked towards the exit.

* * *

Cristina walked in to the room and met Meredith's tired eyes. Meredith gave her a smile. 

"Hey." Cristina walked up to her bed and looked at her. Meredith watched her.

"Hey. How's everything out there without me?"

"Well, we manage. I'm going home for tonight. Will you be okay?" Meredith raised an eyebrow, she'd never heard Cristina this way before. She was sad and worried. Meredith moved her hand to Cristina's, which lay on the madras. Cristina squeezed it in hers and nodded.

"Good. Mer, don't ever do this again. You've wakened up some kind of caring person in me." Meredith laughed carefully.

"Okay." Cristina removed her hand and walked out the door. She saw Derek right beside her. They looked at each other before Cristina went home. Derek went in to the room and saw how Meredith had closed her eyes. He carefully closed the door behind him and sat down in the chair next to her bed. Meredith opened her eyes and looked at him. She smiled.

"You should rest. I was just going to.." Derek didn't know what he was doing. If she was going to rest, what was he doing there. Just to look at her would be stupid, but maybe that's what he wanted to do for a while.

"Going to?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"Well. Say good night." Derek got up from the chair. Meredith nodded.

"Yeah, good night."

"I'll see you in the morning. Get some sleep."

"You too." Meredith looked at him and Derek smiled.

"Good night, Meredith." He took her hand in his and smiled at her. Meredith smiled mildly and watched as he leaved the room. She looked around in the room before she turned to lie on the side. She wondered if this hadn't happen, had Derek still turned around and kissed her on the lips earlier. She had to stop this, and move on. Though it was hard, it was the only right thing. She couldn't wait for his marriage to fall apart. She would be destroyed by that time. No, this was it. That kiss had to be the last.

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**Tell me what you think. And if you have any ideas on how I should continue, please write them. I may have something planned, but that won't stop me from taking inspiration from your thoughts. Keep reviewing, guys, it keeps me writing.**


	9. Pressure

**Hey everybody, and thank you all for the wonderful reviews. I'm sorry if it took so long. It's the last weeks in school before the summer so it's a lot to do. And other than that, I had no idea what I was going to write. But from some help from my best friend Jonathan once more, I wrote this. I have no idea if it's any good, so please review after you've read it. Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter IX – Pressure

Derek picked up his phone from the table and dialled Addison's number. He waited two signals before she picked up.

"Hello." Addison sounded as she had been waiting for this phone call. Derek got up from the chair and started to walk around.

"Hey, it's me."

"Oh, hi."

"So, I thought that we maybe should get this over with. Talk, I mean." Derek talked about it while he thought about how he was going to tell her about the night at Meredith's. Addison heard that he was nervous and got a little suspicious.

"Derek.. What's going on?" Derek heard the suspiciousness. He swallowed nervously. Maybe it was for the best to tell her right away. "I hear that's something's going on, Derek. Yesterday you were angry with me, but now you seem nervous about our talk." Addison didn't know if she was being weird, but she had a feeling that something had changed with him since that night in the bar. And she had to ask. Derek took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"I spent the night with Meredith yesterday." Derek opened his eyes and waited for her response. Addison opened her mouth, but was speechless. Derek heard her while she walked around in her hotel room. She sat down on her bed and felt how a tear fell down her cheek.

"Addison.." Derek began, but heard how Addison cleared her throat.

"Oh, Derek Shepherd." She took a deep breath. "You are such an ass. You get angry because of what I did, and then you run away and do the same thing. I can't believe this." Addison slowly shook her head. This was unforgivable. She'd slept with Mark, and then he just goes to Meredith for revenge. "So, was she up for it or did you just fool her?" Derek stopped moving.

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you must've had a reason. Revenge, Derek."

"Addison, it was not for revenge. And I didn't fool Meredith in to nothing."

"So then you did it for _love_ Derek, did you? I'm your wife! Of course you slept with her for revenge. You just don't know it. And you got me, Derek, you've got your revenge." Addison hang up. Derek put down the phone and took a deep breath.

"Damn it!"

* * *

The mornings at the hospital are quite quiet. Some of the doctors who have been on call go home to get their rest or they take a nap in the on-call room. Some comes in to work early and get going with the process of patients and operations. The interns at the hospital start early and when they are about to put on their scrubs, their resident starts to yelling about rounds. 

"Rounds people!" Bailey walked in to the locker room and saw how her interns started to get ready. She shook her head and left the room. Cristina got out to her first, followed by Izzie, George and Alex. They started their rounds as usual, but with one woman short.

* * *

Meredith opened her eyes and didn't really remember where she was at first. But after a second or two it got up to her and she felt the stitches on the back of her head. And she also remembered Bailey saying that she couldn't be up walking until today, so she sat up in her bed, glad about the thought of moving around. She carefully got to her feet and had her hand steadily on the bed. She didn't want to fall again. She slowly took her IV and walked out to the corridor. She looked around and saw all the nurses whom ran around out there. She took some slow steps forward before she heard her friends' voices. 

Bailey and the interns moved towards her. Izzie was the one to see her standing in the corridor.

"Mer, you're up!" They all smiled towards her, but when she didn't react, their smiles disappeared. She stared at them before her knees suddenly gave away and she fell to the floor. The darkness from the day before came over her once more, and the sound of their voices faded away. They all ran up to Meredith's body on the floor, and some nurses followed. They all stood in a circle around her and watched as Bailey and Izzie tried to wake her up.

"What's going on?" Alex turned around and saw Derek at the end of the corridor. All the people around Meredith blocked the sight of her, so Derek didn't see anything. Alex looked back at Bailey on the floor, and she saw Derek too.

"Stop him!" She ordered quietly and Alex walked up to Derek. Derek saw how Alex tried to block his way and stop him from moving any further. But when he looked over Alex's shoulder he could see the hand and a small part of her body on the floor. He couldn't move and an expression of fear showed on his face. Alex saw it and sighed. He didn't know what to say. But it didn't matter, Derek didn't notice him anymore. He saw how a nurse pulled up a stretcher and Izzie and George lay Meredith on it. He watched as they pushed it past him and he saw her pale face and the blood from the back of her head. The stitches had burst when she fell. He was in such a shock he didn't know what to do. He felt empty. Bailey walked up to him.

"She didn't slip last night. Something's wrong."

* * *

Addison stood by the board with the coffee cup in her hand. The chief went up to her. 

"Hello, Addison." Addison leered at him. She was not in a good mood. "Did you hear?" The words caught Addison's attention. She turned to him. It sounded serious. "Meredith passed out this morning. They're running tests to find out what's the problem." Addison nodded. She didn't want to care. She knew that Meredith wasn't the one she was supposed to be angry with, she was supposed to lay all anger on her husband. But a small part of her thought it was everyone's fault, especially Meredith's. The chief watched as Addison angrily drank her coffee. "Well, I should just.." He hesitated, but didn't really want to be in the way for her. So he walked off. Addison drank the last of the coffee and threw the cup in the nearest trashcan. She went to change in to her scrubs when she saw Bailey in the end of the corridor. She walked up to her and cleared her throat.

"Dr. Bailey." Bailey raised her head to Addison and looked at her.

"Yes, Addison."

"How's Dr. Grey?" Bailey shook her head.

"She just passed out in the corridor and her stitches burst. We fixed the back of her head, but we don't know what caused the fall. We're running tests and are about to do a CT." Addison nodded.

"Okay. Let me know." She was about to leave but stopped and met Bailey's look. "He's with her, isn't he?" Bailey met her eyes. Addison understood and nodded. Of course he was. She knew he always sat by Meredith's side, but not by hers. Bailey watched as she walked off in silence.

* * *

The chest slowly moved up and down. Her breathing was normal after that they'd bagged her. She was still out, but she was expected to wake up soon. Her face was pale and she looked so tired. Cristina, Izzie, George and Alex stood in the room and checked her vitals. They waited for the labs to come back and George had booked a CT-scan for her. Cristina couldn't stand the silence. 

"This is madness. We can't stand in here and wait. I have to go cut someone open." She walked out of the room. George sighed and put down Meredith's chart.

"We should go check on the other patients." Izzie turned to look at him.

"What? Meredith is sick, we can't leave her now!" Alex nodded.

"Izzie's right." George and Izzie stared at him.

"What?" Izzie was confused by Alex suddenly statement. George wrinkled his eyebrows at him before he looked over at Meredith. He couldn't stand this either. To just look at her was unbearable. He walked out of the room. Izzie looked at the EKG that was connected with her friend's body. She went up to the bed and took Meredith's hand in hers.

"Hang in there." She smiled carefully and left the room. Alone, in front of the bed, stood Alex. He had his arms crossed over his chest and he leaned against the wall. He didn't move an inch; he just stood there in silence looking at her. The silence was interrupted. The door opened and Alex cleared his throat and went to it. He met Derek's look before he pushed past him.

Derek watched him leave and went in to the room. He was about to turn around when he saw her lie on the bed, but knew he couldn't leave her. Derek took a deep breath and slowly went up to her. At first he just stood there, his hands in his pockets, looking at her. He couldn't help thinking what he was going to do if she disappeared from his life. He would be destroyed, and he had nearly been when he saw her this morning. He looked at her beautiful face, those soft lips and the hair. Her smile and her eyes. He loved everything about her, but he really wanted to see her eyes. His hand touched hers and he held it gently. His eyes closed and he squeezed her hand harder.

"Just open your eyes, Meredith." A look at her eyes would make all the fear go away. He didn't want to loose her. He was afraid of how he was going to end up. No one there to make him smile or no one to take his breath away with a smile. He looked at her face and wondered if she could hear him. He looked over at the door, before he leaned over to her ear. Maybe it was wrong to say things to her know, wrong and unfair, but he had to do it, he had to say it before she may slip away from him again. A soft whisper left his mouth. "I'm sorry it took so long for me to say this, but.." He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. He opened his mouth, but was interrupted before he could say anything more. Derek sighed and slowly turned around when he heard the door open.

George met his eyes and cleared his throat.

"The CT is ready for her now." Derek looked at him and George could see the blend of fear and pain in his eyes. The tiredness as well. Derek nodded carefully. He took a deep breath and looked at Meredith. He squeezed her hand softly and was about to pull his away, when he felt something. Her fingers moved and touched his. It was like she took all her strength in her body to try and respond. Derek turned to her and looked at their hands. He saw how her fingers moved from his fingers to the palm of his hand. He looked up at her face. George looked at the hands and then from Meredith to Derek. She was responding. At that moment, Izzie and Cristina walked in to the room. They saw how Derek leaned forward.

"Meredith, try to open your eyes." He whispered in her ear, and felt a squeeze from her hand. He slowly pulled away her hair from her cheeks and hoped that she would wake up. A cough left her mouth and she slowly opened her eyes. Cristina and Izzie ran up to the bed, and they were the first thing Meredith saw.

"Where am I?" She was weak, and she could barely hold her eyes open. Izzie smiled softly.

"You're at the hospital, remember? You passed out in the bathroom." She tried to slowly get her to remember. Meredith turned her head and met his eyes. Their hands were still holding each others, and no one wanted to let go. Derek smiled softly at her. It was a smile of relief. Meredith saw it, and tried to squeeze his hand once more. He noticed her weak attempt and wondered if she'd heard him earlier. He didn't finish the sentence and wondered if he was going to get another chance to do it. George knew it was a bad time to break the news of her second fall, but they had to fix her before something like this happened again.

"Then you passed out this morning and your stitches from yesterday burst. We ran some tests and now you're up for a CT." Everything came out fast and wrong. Meredith was struck by fear and she tried to sit up, but she felt dizzy. Izzie, Cristina and Derek glared at George when he had said those words.

"Oh." She was a little shocked by the information and met everyone's looks. Derek was the last one she looked at. He looked down at the floor, because he had no idea what to say. "So." She swallowed and took a deep breath to continue. "What's wrong with me?" Her voice was low and weak. But all this scared her, so she had to ask. But as she saw the looks on their faces, she already knew the answer. "You have no idea, do you?" She started to get worried, and looked over at Derek. The smile had disappeared, and he looked sad. She didn't like that look at this time. She sighed and closed her eyes. George cleared his throat.

"We are going to find out." He walked past Derek and loosened the bed's breaks and pushed it towards the door. Izzie and Cristina opened them wide and helped him move the bed. "We have to do that CT now." George sounded very calm, but only he knew he was the opposite. This was hard for everyone, and he tried to hide it. Meredith opened her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. She knew she shouldn't ask, but she had to.

"I'm going to be okay, right?" She looked over at Cristina, but she just gave her a comforting smile. Izzie looked straight forward and so did George as well. Then she moved her eyes to look at Derek. He met them and smiled to comfort her.

"You're going to be fine." He confirmed, though he had no idea if she was going to be. Meredith wanted to believe him, but she didn't.

* * *

Addison picked up the phone. She looked at it and took a deep breath before dialling a number. A male voice answered. 

"Mark Sloane." He sounded impatient and busy. Addison swallowed nervously.

"Hey. It's me." Mark was surprised and stopped everything he was doing. Addison didn't call him that often, so when she finally did, it had to be something important.

"Hey. Are you okay?" Addison nodded a little.

"Yeah. I.." She hesitated. If she said this now, it was no turning back. Mark waited for her to continue. Addison looked around in the on-call room and coughed a little to get more time. Mark noticed that she was hesitating. But Addison knew she had to do this. Her husband was never by her side, and he clearly didn't love her. Mark on the other hand cared about her and loved her. That was what she wanted for her life, to be loved. And if Derek couldn't give her love, why should they even try. Mark cleared his throat to get her to notice that he was still there, and she did. She closed her eyes.

"I'm about to make a decision." Mark nodded. She didn't give him much here but it was always a start.

"About what?" Addison sighed, and felt the tears breaking through.

"He doesn't love me, Mark. He doesn't care, he will never care. Even if both of us were sick, he would sit by her side." The tears ran down her face and she talked fast. Mark heard sobbing between the lines. He took a deep breath.

"Addison." He said to comfort her.

"I've tried. I've tried so hard to make this work. I thought a marriage was to last forever, but I guess I was wrong, especially in my case. Everything went wrong." Addison wiped the tears away with the back of her hand.

"Maybe you married the wrong man. Everyone can make that mistake." Mark said with a low voice. Addison felt insulted at first, and Mark closed his eyes after that stupid comment. But Addison thought about it.

"You're probably right. If it was the right man, it wouldn't be this hard."

"I'll come if you want me to."

"I can't pretend anymore. I have to end this. It's the best for both of us." It was like she didn't hear Mark's offer. But she did, it was just that she didn't want to let go just yet. Mark understood, but he had to stop her from destroying herself for a man that was in love with another woman. "Please come." Addison's voice was low and she begged him to come. She needed someone to hold her tight and comfort her. She needed love. Mark smiled softly.

"Of course I will." Addison took a deep breath and hung up. Mark put down the phone and ran out of the room with his car keys in his hand. Addison lay down on the bed and stared straight ahead. She gave up.

* * *

"What is that?" George pointed at the screen with a confused look on his face. Izzie, Cristina and Alex shrugged and looked over at Derek. By the look on his face, they understood that it wasn't good news. And by his suddenly movement and running out of the room, they got scared. Derek ran up the stairs and towards the chief's office. He met Burke and Bailey on the way, and they made him stop. 

"Hey, Shepherd, why in so much hurry?" Burke asked him. Bailey wrinkled her eyebrows and understood when she met his eyes that it was something about Meredith.

"What's wrong?" Bailey saw how Derek took some deep breaths and calmed down.

"It's an aneurysm. And we have to operate now. Why in the hell didn't you make your interns to do this CT earlier?" Derek yelled at Bailey, and she was a little shocked. Burke stopped him by putting a friendly hand on his shoulder. Derek looked at him.

"Derek, calm down." It wasn't often you heard Burke call him by his first name, but this time it was necessary. Bailey looked down on the floor.

"I.." Derek started. He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. "Why is this happening?" Burke watched him, and Bailey walked up to him.

"I'll tell the Chief. You should get ready for the surgery." Derek stared at her.

"I can't, how could I? I can't cut her brain open." Burke looked at him.

"You're the best one we have, you have to." Bailey walked fast towards the chief's office, while Burke stayed with Derek. "You can do this." He patted Derek's back and walked away. Derek looked down on the floor. He had to operate on her if he wanted her to survive. The question was if he could handle the pressure.

* * *

Mark walked through the doors and up to the nurse's station. 

"Could you tell me where Addison Shepherd is?" The nurse looked up and remembered Dr. Sloane's face immediately.

"I could page her, if you want." Mark shook his head.

"No, I'll find her myself, thank you." He walked away from the nurse, and noticed how she started to whisper to her co-workers. He smiled a little and kept on walking. He saw a lot of patients in rooms, but none of them caught his interest, except for one. He stopped to look at her inside a small room. A nurse went out of there and closed the door behind her. Mark looked around in the corridor to make sure no one saw him, before he went in to the room. Meredith looked up and smiled a small and weak smile when she saw him.

"What owes me the pleasure of seeing you here?" Mark didn't smile; he looked at her pale and tired face and got worried.

"What happened to you?" Meredith sighed deeply and looked away.

"They don't know what's wrong yet. I passed out. Twice." Mark nodded a little and walked up to her.

"I'm sure it's nothing serious. The dirty mistresses have to stay strong."

"So, why are you here anyway?"

"Addison asked me to come." Meredith should've been happy by it, but she didn't show any expression on her face. She was too tired to think about all of that. Mark felt sorry for her. "Well, I hope for the best of my visit. Maybe take a drink or two with my favourite intern." Meredith smiled carefully at him. He put his big hand on hers and squeezed it gently. She looked at him and could notice that he cared.

Derek took a deep breath and looked up when he reached the room. He remembered that body too well. He saw her hand in his and her smile. Without thinking he went in to the room and cleared his throat. Mark leered over his shoulder and smirked a little.

"Well, what do we have here?" He turned slowly and let go of Meredith's hand at the same time. Derek glared at him with his hands on his hips. Meredith looked over at Derek, and saw that he was upset.

"What are you doing here?" Derek's voice was steady and you could hear that he was a bit frustrated, but Mark kept smirking.

"Addison asked me to come." Derek was shocked, and for a second you could notice, but he hid it as fast and kept glaring at the man before him. Mark sighed. "Come on, Derek. You obviously love this woman more than your wife. Just look at you and your reaction when I visit Meredith." Meredith watched as Derek ignored Mark's glare by looking down on the floor. Mark sighed and turned to her. "Get better." She moved her eyes to look at him, and gave him a friendly smile. Mark turned to Derek.

"Derek."

"Mark." Derek's voice was still steady but he didn't sound as angry as before. Mark walked out the door and went on searching for Addison. Derek watched him close the door behind him and then looked over at Meredith. She'd watched him all this time, and couldn't stop.

"Meredith." He started, but she cut him off.

"I heard you." Derek didn't understand.

"What?"

"But you didn't end the sentence." Derek just looked at her. He'd been close to tell her how he felt, but then George had interrupted him. She had heard him, though she was out. Meredith watched as he slowly walked up to her. They had to put that aside for a moment.

"Meredith, we've found the problem." She noticed how he avoided the subject, but didn't care when she heard what he'd said. She waited for him to continue. "It's a brain aneurysm." Meredith stared at him. She slowly started to shake her head, and he noticed how the fear had struck her, just like it had done to him. He took her hand and sat down on the bed. Meredith took a deep breath, and looked away. She knew it could be fixed by surgery, but it was dangerous. Derek looked at her. "I'll fix this. I promise." Meredith turned to face him, and he met her eyes. She hoped with all of her heart that he would.

* * *

"Dr. Sloane?" Alex walked up to him, and Mark turned around when he heard his name. 

"Dr. Karev, nice to see you again. Thought anymore about my offer?" He smiled a little and saw the other interns walk towards him. "And all of you. I visited Dr. Grey earlier. Any news?"

"She's got a brain aneurysm." George said, and you could see that they all were worried. Mark nodded, and understood that Derek was going to be the one to operate on her. He looked at them.

"I'm sorry, but have any of you seen Addison?" Cristina looked at him suspiciously and Izzie nodded slowly.

"I saw her enter an on-call room down the hall." Mark smiled to thank her and walked off. He knocked carefully on the door and opened it. On the bed lay Addison. Mark walked up to her and sat down. She was fast asleep, and was breathing calmly. He saw that she'd been crying. He carefully caressed her hair and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. Addison slowly opened her eyes and met his. She sat up and he gave her a warm hug. For the first time in a long time, she felt loved.

* * *

**So, I was a little nervous about put this one up. It's always hard if you question everything you write. And I don't know if I wrote Mark right. Or Bailey and Burke. All of them. Well, tell me what you think so that I can improve my writing. Thank you.**


	10. Confession

**Hello. I'm sorry it took so long. I had so much to do and I didn't know wat you would think about this chapter. I just wrote it, and well, we'll see what you think. Please review. I really need some feeback, I'm kind of stuck. Thank you for everything. Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter X – Confession

Bailey met the interns in the corridor. She explained that they were in a hurry, and that they had to prep Meredith for surgery as fast as they could. Derek was the one to operate, and Bailey was going to assist him. The interns protested, but understand that it was for the best if none of them were at the operation. It was hard enough for Derek to do the operation. The interns went to Meredith's room, and when they opened the door, they saw how Derek sat in a chair beside her bed and held her hand. Meredith looked at them when they walked in and Derek got to his feet. He had to get ready for the surgery. He met Meredith's eyes, and she saw that he was nervous. She put her hand on his cheek and looked deeply in to his eyes.

"I trust you." Derek was relieved by her words. He took her hand and kissed it gently, before he left the room. Izzie went up to Meredith.

"He's devastated; I can't believe that he's going to do this surgery." Cristina walked up to them, and she was followed by George.

"It's just a simple operation. You're going to be fine." Meredith looked at her, and noticed that she was worried. She saw it in all of their faces, even Alex. Alex smiled when they looked at each other, and Meredith understood that she had all the support she needed.

* * *

They prepped her for surgery, and when she lay on the table, ready for the surgery, Bailey walked in. She smiled a little. 

"How are you feeling?"

"Nervous."

"No kidding." She laughed a little and walked up to Meredith. "He's the best, and though he has strong feelings for you, he's going to work as always." Meredith nodded and saw how Derek entered the operation room. The nurses dried his hands with towels and he looked over at her. He put on his gloves and went up to her. He wanted so dearly to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but she passed out before he could even talk to her.

"What happened?" The panic burst out in the room. Nurses ran around and started to help the doctors. Her heart rate was slowing down and suddenly it stopped. Derek slowly started to shake his head and watched as the nurses and Bailey started to get the paddles ready.

"200! Clear!" They shocked her heart, but nothing happened. "250 clear!" Bailey tried, but couldn't get the heart to start. Derek suddenly took the paddles.

"300! Come on Meredith. Clear!" A slow heart rate showed on the screen, and they all calmed down. The nurses took the paddled and Bailey looked at Derek.

"She's weak." Derek met her look when she said the words, he sighed.

"But if we wait any longer, she could die." Bailey nodded, and understood that he was ready to do this now, and not later.

"Put her down." The operation began and was watched by interns in the observation room. There were doctors too and of course the chief. It was a very good intern in surgery so all of the people in the room held their breaths while the doctor in the OR operated.

* * *

The operation ended. And without complications. Now they just had to wait for her to wake up. No one had seen Derek left Meredith's side since the operation. It had been six hours from the operation, and she was still asleep. All her friends had visited her in turns, but no one could make Derek leave the room. The chief had been understanding and had cancelled his surgeries so that he could stay exactly where he was. Derek looked at her and sighed. He'd done the operation, and it had gone well. Now she lay there in the hospital bed with a calm look on her face. Before he had started the operation it had been complications, and she was weak when they started. There could be a while before she woke up. Derek promised himself and Meredith that he was going to sit beside her through the night. He held her hand steadily in his and looked at the clock on the wall. While he was sitting in there, he had no idea on what was happening in the hospital.

* * *

Izzie ran through the corridors and she was followed by Alex and Cristina. George saw how they ran past him, and didn't understand what was going on. But he ran after them anyways. Izzie reached her goal and they all saw a man on the floor and a man with a gun in front of him. They all backed up when they saw how the man with the gun started to point it towards them. George's jaw dropped when he saw who it was on the floor. He was shot in the leg and in his shoulder. Mark coughed carefully and looked straight up on the ceiling. Addison stood in the corner of the corridor with her face buried in her hands. Nurses and doctors had gathered to see what was happening. Burke and Bailey came running, and stopped next to the interns. Burke took a deep breath and held up a hand to calm the shooter down. 

"You have to let us help him." The shooter shook his head. He had a black coat on him and a hood over his head. You could discern small parts of his face, but most of it was covered up by a black cloth.

"He destroyed me, and made me suffer. He has to make up for what he has done." The man turned to Mark once more and walked closer. Mark closed his eyes to ignore the man's piercing look, but when the gun was pressed against his forehead, he had to look at the man that probably was going to kill him.

"Remember me, Dr. Sloane?" The man revealed his face, and Mark looked away. "Yes, you do remember, don't you?" He leaned in closer. "You killed my wife." He straightened up and looked over at Burke. "He killed my wife. Why should I let you help him?" Burke looked over at Mark, who was getting weaker by every minute. Bailey looked at the man.

"Do you really think this is how your wife wanted you to do this?" The man turned to her and gave her an angry glare. He didn't like her or any of the doctors around him. Addison had tried to help Mark, but she'd been pushed away. Alex stepped forward and Izzie placed a hand on his arm to stop him, but the shooter got interested in what he was doing. He looked at him and Alex met his look.

"If you don't let us help this man, you will be accused for murder and get locked up for a long time. I wouldn't mind, I think you deserve the worst, but think about your life. Do you have kids?" The man stared at him and nodded slowly. He leered at Mark on the floor. "Well, another reason for you to drop the gun and let us help him." Alex stood close to the man, and the man just looked at him. Suddenly he raised the gun to Alex forehead and unsecured it.

* * *

Derek leaned forward and looked at Meredith's pale face and small body. He'd noticed some unusual breathing, but it wasn't dangerous at the time. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. 

"You have to get through this." It was more of a statement for him to keep thinking everything was okay. Her condition wasn't dangerous anymore, but still, every minute she slept he got more worried. She should've woke up by now. He smiled mildly and looked at her. He thought about her smile and her eyesand everything he loved about her. That's when he decided that he was going to do everything possible to get her back, and never let her go again.

* * *

Alex felt the sweat drop from his neck. The gun had been resting on his forehead for a minute or two and the man's hand was shaking. He didn't know if he was shaking of frustration or fear, but all the faces around him held their breath and waited for the shooter's next move. Mark coughed and felt weaker and weaker. Addison looked at him, and saw that the man had his back turned on them. She moved closer to Mark and he noticed her movement. He stretched out his hand to stop her and shook his head slowly. You could see the trace of the tears that had fell down her cheeks. The shooter turned to her. 

"Don't move!" Addison sighed and looked at him.

"Just let us help him!" The man heard the desperation in her voice and started to think. He had begged like that once. And then it had been his love that had been dying. He swallowed the lump in his throat and Alex saw that he loosened his grip around the gun. The man looked down on the floor and let go of everything. The gun fell to the floor and he fell to his knees. The police came running down the hall and saw how Alex kicked away the gun from the man. All the doctors ran up to Mark's body and a nurse fetched a stretcher. The police took care of the speechless man. Addison watched them take him away, and when the nurses started to move Mark, she got back to reality. Alex calmed down and took a deep breath. Izzie walked up to him.

"Why the hell did you do that? You could've been killed." Alex gave her a tired look and walked away. George and Cristina shook their heads when they saw Mark's stretcher disappear around the corner.

"That was too much action for just one day. I need a break." Cristina turned her back on them and walked towards the locker-rooms. George sighed.

"Yeah, that was something. Do you think he'll make it?" Izzie met his look.

"We can only hope." Bailey walked up to them.

"Come on people, we need help on Dr. Sloane's operation now. Stevens scrub in, and O'Malley fetch Shepherd." Izzie followed Bailey and George walked towards Meredith's room.

* * *

Derek sighed deeply and leaned back in the chair. He'd been sitting there for a long time now. He was hungry and needed sleep, but he didn't plan to leave her. He could barely hold his eyes open and had to give up and get some sleep. He would notice when she woke up. When he finally closed his eyes, the door opened and George walked in. Derek looked at him, and George saw that he was very tired. 

"Dr. Shepherd, they need you." Derek sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. A yawn left his mouth and he got to his feet.

"What is it about?"

"The shooting." Derek thought he heard wrong at first.

"What shooting?"

"They didn't tell you? Mark Sloane got shot in the corridor. They got the shooter now, but..."

"Stay with her." Derek ran out of the room and George watched

"In OR 3!" He yelled and Derek ran towards it. He saw Addison outside the scrub room. She sat on the floor, leaned against the wall, with her face buried in her hands.

"What happened?" Addison looked up when she heard his voice and got to her feet. She threw herself in his arms, and he held her tight.

"A man just walked up to him." The sobbing came between the lines and she had to take some deep breaths to continue. "And shot him in the leg and in the shoulder." Derek tried to calm her down, and saw that Bailey came out of the scrub room. She stopped for a second and let Derek comfort Addison.

"Addison, look at me." She let him go and looked at him. Derek saw that she was devastated and he understood. He saw the same fear that he had had when he'd seen Meredith this morning. She loved Mark, and he obviously loved her. "It's going to be okay." She nodded slowly and he gave her a small and comforting smile before he nodded and walked up to Bailey. Bailey led him in to the OR. Now they had to struggle hard to save the victim's life.

* * *

Alex sat on the bench in the locker-room and saw how Cristina walked in through the door. She slowly shook her head at him but he didn't care to do anything back at her. 

"Evil spawn, I can't believe you just walked up to that man. He could've pulled the trigger, and boom." Alex looked up at her while she opened her locker.

"Don't you think I know that? Especially while he held the damn gun to my head."

"Hey, take it easy. It was your choice." Cristina rolled her eyes and closed her locker and held a candy bar in her hand. She sat down beside Alex and took a bite. Alex took a deep breath.

"I don't even know why I did it."

"Figured." Cristina mumbled between the chewing.

"I think..." He hesitated and looked over at Cristina who was chewing all the candy she could get in to her mouth. He sighed deeply and got to his feet. He walked out of the room and left Cristina with her candy bar paper.

* * *

Opening your eyes and meet the light from the white walls and the lamps in the room was an awful thing. Everything was spinning and she thought she was going to fall of her bed. She closed her eyes fast and tried to ignore the headache and the weakness. She heard the sound from the EKG but except for that it was silent in the room. She carefully opened her eyes again and coughed a little. A man walked up to her, and she recognized that face. 

"You're awake." George sounded relieved by her awakening. Meredith gave him a smile and looked around in the room. She had expected to see Derek, but he wasn't there. She felt silly for even think the thought. He'd done his job, now it was up for her to get through the recovery. The door opened and Izzie and Cristina came in to the room. They saw that she was awake and smiles grew on their faces. Izzie went up to her.

"Welcome back." Cristina walked up to the bed.

"At least you still have your hair." Meredith had noticed that underneath the bandage that covered her head there was still hair. "The aneurysm was situated the way that we didn't need to cut your blonde hair of."

"That was kind of you." They heard that she was weak and tired. And though she tried to hide her disappointment of him not being there, they all could see a small blend of sadness in her eyes. She coughed to clear her throat and asked for water. George fetched it and gave it to her.

"How long have I've been out."

"For 7 hours. But it's normal." Izzie confirmed. Meredith gave them a small smile.

"He sat here for 6 of them." Cristina said, and when the words left her mouth, Meredith met her eyes. How could she know Meredith was thinking about him? Well, she always did obviously. It was wrong, but she couldn't help to want him to be there for her. "There was some action when you were out though. A man walked in here and shot McSteamy for killing his wife." Cristina just talked like they were having a lunch. Meredith stared at her in shock.

"Someone shot him?"

"Yeah. McDreamy is operating now." Cristina sat down in the chair beside the bed and put her feet on the bed. Izzie and George sighed at Cristina's behaviour and looked at Meredith. Izzie smiled a little.

"But you're awake. How are you feeling? You scared us there for a while." Meredith looked over at Izzie.

"I'm fine." She didn't mean to say it so coldly, but it just came out. All the information she'd got now was circling through her head. Izzie, George and Cristina exchanged looks and decided to let her rest.

"We'll come back later, Mer." Meredith looked at them and nodded slowly when they walked out the door.

* * *

Derek walked out of the OR and met Addison in the corridor. She tried to figure out how the operation had gone. A small smile showed on his face, and it wasn't one of those sad, comforting smiles. Addison felt how the tears grew in her eyes and Derek walked up to her. 

"He's stable for the moment." Addison smiled behind the tears.

"Thank you." She managed to say. Derek nodded quietly and opened his mouth to say something, but Addison wanted to start.

"I asked him to come."

"I heard."

"Because this, us, is obviously not working. I need love, Derek. And you have already given it away to someone else." Addison tried to say everything she wanted to say as fast as she could, and Derek did understand. "I love you, Derek, but I can't handle this anymore. It can't work, you're already thinking it, and I'm just saying it." Derek smiled sadly at her and nodded.

"I know" He looked at her and tried to figure out what went wrong. But he knew that it was long gone before Mark and Meredith came in to the picture. "At least we tried."

"We did." Addison watched him stand in front of her with those sad eyes. "Goodbye, Derek." She had finally ended it. By those words, it was over. Her marriage was over and she didn't have to pretend anymore.

Derek watched her leave him in the corridor. He nodded slightly and turned to walk away. He met Cristina on the way and he saw that she had something she wanted to tell him.

"Dr. Shepherd."

"Yang."

"She's awake." That was the only words she had to say to him. He smiled a thankful smile.

"Thank you." He walked away from her and towards the room. When he reached it, he saw Addison enter. He stopped and looked suspiciously at her before she closed the door behind her and Derek just had to wait.

Addison walked in to the room and met Meredith's tired eyes. She smiled friendly and walked up to the bed. Meredith didn't understand why she was there, but she could notice that she'd been crying.

"How are you feeling?" Addison began slightly. Meredith hesitated a little.

"I've been better." Addison smiled at the words and Meredith watched as she sat down in the chair next to her. Addison looked down at the floor at first and Meredith thought it was an uncomfortable silence between them. But after a few seconds, she knew she had to say something about Mark.

"I'm sorry about Dr. Sloan." Addison looked up at her and smiled as a thank you.

"Thank you." She took a deep breath. "Meredith, I just want to say I'm sorry. For everything. I came in to your lives and destroyed what you had built up. I've actually never seen Derek that happy since the first years of our marriage. I care for him, I really do. If he's happy, I will be eventually, even though he's not with me. I didn't come here to ask you to love him, but just to tell you that I've never seen him as happy as he is when he's with you." Meredith didn't mean to stare, but when she heard Addison tell her this, she couldn't help it. Addison saw that she was speechless at the moment so she just got to her feet and looked at her. "I hope you get better. Bye, Dr. Grey." She turned around and walked up to the door. Meredith finally stopped staring and opened her mouth.

"Addison." Addison turned around to look at her. "Thank you." She smiled friendly when she heard the words and she heard that Meredith really meant those words. She turned to the door and sighed with relief before she exited the room.

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**Well, here you go. I'll have another chapter up soon. I hope you enjoyed this one. I don't know where I'm going to take this story, but maybe I have to start on a new. I don't know, it feels like I'm kind of making it boring. You decide. Please review your thoughts.**


	11. Cure The Pain

**Hello everybody. God, it has been long. I apologize for my laziness, I just had so much to do on my summer holiday. I've read all your stories. Or most of them. Very nice summer activity I must say. And now at the end of my holiday I thought that I maybe should write some. I don't know if it's any good, it has, as I said, been a while since I wrote last time. But I really hope you're still on to this one. And I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

Chapter XI – Cure The Pain

Bailey looked down in a chart when the interns ran up to her.

"You're very lazy today, people. Now that Grey is fine, we'll go back to our usual work around here. Karev, Addison asked for you. Yang and Stevens, you're with Burke. And O'Malley you're with the other Shepherd and Grey. Get to work." She watched as they walked away to their assignments.

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Meredith stared into nothing. Addison's words echoed through her head. So now what? Was she just supposed to take him back? Well, she wanted to. But he had actually hurt her real bad. How could she know he wouldn't do it again? All these thoughts felt meaningless, but the more she did think about it, the more it made sense. Why should he get her back so easy, when it was he who had lied to her? She let out a small laugh. Who was she kidding? She had longed for him for so long, why couldn't she just give in? She just knew she had to think about it for a while. But she didn't get the chance. Derek walked in to the room and he was met by a staring Meredith. He got a little scared by her look, but then he realized that it was she who was scared at the moment. He didn't know why, but she did look frightened by his entrance. Meredith wanted to fade away. Why did he have to come when she tried to figure what she was going to do? Derek smiled a little but didn't move. He didn't know what Meredith was thinking. All he wanted was to talk, but he couldn't do that if she wasn't listening. Meredith looked at him standing by the door. Then the thought struck her. Why couldn't she just do what made her happy. Okay, he had broken her heart, but now he'd actually saved her life. They were probably even by now. They could work on it, take it slow and start over. But now, she had to leave all of that behind, because right now she didn't want anything else than to just be close to him, let him hold her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Suddenly she started to move and sit up. Derek shook his head in disapproval.

"No, Meredith, you can't…" Meredith already stood up on her weak legs.

"Shut up." Derek was worried. She wasn't supposed to be up walking this early. He watched as she slowly moved towards him, dressed in a way too big gown. Derek didn't know what she was doing and he didn't dare to stop her. Meredith came up to him and stood right in front of him. She smiled a little when she was about to lose her balance and he grabbed her arm to help her. She met his eyes and couldn't stop look at them. Derek watched as she leaned in and kissed him. He gently welcomed her soft lips. Derek pulled away and Meredith looked at him.

"I was meaning to talk to you, but this works too." He smiled cocky. Meredith looked at him and waited for him to continue. Derek changed his cocky look to a very serious one and his eyes were steadily on hers.

"I know I got a lot to say and explain. I thought I was going to lose you today and I nearly did. It got me thinking, and I knew I had to stop this." Meredith got a bit confused. What was he stopping? Was that the last kiss? She pulled away from him and he shook his head. She looked confused, and Derek understood. He just had to say it.

"I love you." It came out like a soft whisper, and Meredith started to feel a tear fall down her cheek. "You're crying." Derek was a bit surprised. Meredith looked down on the floor and wiped out the tears from her eyes. Derek gently grabbed her chin and made her look at him.

"I'm sorry for everything. All the pain I've caused you, I never meant to hurt you. You can't imagine how much it killed me, thinking of how much I hurt you. I want to make up for all the pain I caused. And all I really want is you, Meredith. I've loved you since day one. I stayed with Addison because I thought it was my responsibility, but I understood that our marriage was dead long before that. I tried, but I couldn't love Addison anymore. My heart belonged to someone else." Meredith looked in to his eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. Derek looked at her and wondered what she was going to say after that. Meredith knew he was sorry, and all she really wanted was to forget everything. But the way he had hurt her was not in a way you can just forget. They had to work on it.

"I was done when I met you. I had met the love of my life." She took a deep breath and Derek let go of her while she talked. "You hurt me real bad, Derek, and I can't go through that again." She looked at him. Derek nodded understandingly and waited for her to continue. Meredith hesitated. All the thoughts about, was he worth it, and should I take him back, flew through her head. She had no idea how it was going to work out, all she knew was that she couldn't live without him. "Today, I thought I was going to die." She stopped for a second to wipe out some of the tears that fell down her face. "But then I knew that you could fix it. And you did. You saved my life, and I know that I didn't want anyone else to do that." Derek saw that she had to take some breaths to continue and waited. She tried to calm down. "When I woke up, I was afraid. Not because of the operation, I knew you would fix it, but because you weren't there. I thought I would have to make it through this alone. You're married and I couldn't depend on you being there for me. But then, Addison talked to me." Derek nodded a little and wondered what she'd said to her. "She told me you never been as happy as you are when you're around me, in a long time." Derek smiled, it was true. Everything about Meredith made him happy. He could just look at her and he would smile. Meredith took a deep breath. She didn't even know why she was doing all the talking. But this was what she had to say. "I love you, Derek, and the only time I'm happy is when I'm with you." Derek looked at her and wondered why he had left her in the first time. They had gone through all this for no reason. "No more secret wives?" Derek laughed slightly and shook his head.

"No more secret wives."

"No more lies, Derek. I can't…" Derek put his finger on her mouth.

"Shh…" Meredith stopped talking and looked at him. "I assure you. I won't lie or hurt you again." He smiled mildly and Meredith looked in to his eyes. The eyes and the face of the man she loved. She put her hands on his chest and leaned against his body. She smelled him and never wanted to forget that smell. Derek pulled his arms around her and closed his eyes. He never wanted to let her go again.

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Alex walked in the corridor towards an on-call room. He yawned a little and opened the door to the room. He knew Addison had asked for him, but he was so tired that he needed some rest before it. It was dark in the room, but he saw someone in one of the beds. He noticed the red hair and when he tried to back out of the room again, Addison turned to him and they looked in to each others eyes. Addison sat up and didn't stop looking at him. Alex was kind of scared. He had just planned to take a nap after all the action. Addison was the last person he really wanted to see. He knew she would thank him and wonder why he did it. And he was right.

"Karev."

"Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd."

"More like Montgomery."

Alex didn't hear any sadness about the last part. He wasn't really surprised. He had figured out that Derek and Meredith would find their way back to each other after Meredith's trauma. He wasn't really the type to feel happy for them, and something else about them bothered him. Addison looked at him while he was thinking. He shook his head a little and tried to stop think about it. Addison raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sorry about that." Addison nodded a little when Alex talked again.

"Well, that relationship wasn't meant to be." Addison ran her fingers through her hair. Alex cleared his throat and was about to leave when Addison took a deep breath and looked at him again. "Thank you, Karev. For earlier. You saved his life." Alex had his hand on the door knob and looked down at the floor.

"It was nothing really." He lied and turned to give her one of his fake smiles. Addison was shocked. She didn't understand. She wrinkled her eyebrow and looked at him intensively.

"Why did you do it?" Alex feared that question. Because he hadn't figured it out yet. When he had seen the look in Mark eyes, the blend of fear and pain, he knew he had to do something. He had seen the same look in his childhood and then he hadn't done anything to help. Addison followed his nervous movements with her eyes and waited for an explanation. Alex took a deep breath and met her eyes.

"It was something I had to do." He looked down and turned to the door again. Addison watched as he leaved the room in silence and she wondered why a man wanted to risk his life for someone he didn't know.

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Cristina and Izzie waited for Burke in the corridor. When he came out he was surprised of how tired they looked. Izzie yawned and Cristina tried to look alert but failed. Burke smiled.

"You two look alert. How's Grey?" Cristina and Izzie followed him while he began to walk to the nurse's station. Cristina opened her mouth and Izzie swallowed another yawn.

"She's recovering." Burke stopped and checked the patient's chart. He nodded when he heard Cristina's words.

"Good. We have a lot to do today, so go clean yourselg up and meet me at the OR, Mr Feltch need an operation." He nodded to the nurse who took the chart and then to his interns. He laughed a little when he saw the look in their faces. Cristina sighed and watched him leave..

"I hate when he's in a happy mood." Izzie nodded and they started to walk towards the locker room.

"I know what you mean."

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George knocked on the door before he opened it. He saw Meredith lying in her bed with closed eyes. He was about to leave her when she opened her eyes and looked at him. She smiled a tired smile, but it was at least a smile. George moved towards her and smiled back.

"Hey, George." She sat up and put a pillow under her head to sit more comfortably.

"How are you feeling?" George helped her with the pillow and she smiled to thank him.

"Better. A little groggy."

"Well, that's normal after what you've been through." Meredith nodded and George grabbed her chart and checked her vitals. He leered at her and saw that she looked happy. He turned to her and she smiled. "You look happy." Meredith was a bit shocked by his statement and looked at him. "I mean, it's just nice to see." He explained his statement and went back to the vitals. Meredith understood and looked at her hands.

"Thanks, George."

"For what?"

"For being here. And everyone else. I don't know how I could've pulled through without your help." George put away the chart and sat down beside her.

"That's what family does." He smiled and Meredith leaned forward to give him a hug. George hugged her back and closed his eyes in relief. She was okay.

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Mark opened his eyes quickly of pain. He panicked and tore of his IV and his EKG. He tried to stand but his leg couldn't support his body. He fell to the floor and felt the pain in his arm and in his leg. He tried to support himself with help from the washbowl and his hand but the pain got stronger and he tried with the other hand. The sweat ran in his face and body and he tried to breath through the pain. He helped himself to stand with the other hand and stood weakly on one leg by the door. He looked in to the mirror to the right and walked carefully and slowly up to it with help and support from the wall. He looked at his shoulder and tried to rip of the bandage. He saw the wound for a second before the door opened and Derek Shepherd walked in to the room. Mark saw him in the mirror and Derek met his eyes.

"What gives me.." Mark was weak and you could not only see it, but also hear it. "..the pleasure.." Derek walked up to him and looked at his leg and shoulder. He saw that Mark had tried to tore of the bandage of his shoulder and sighed.

"What are you doing?" Derek looked at him and Mark met his eyes.

"Had to see.." The pain made him dizzy and Derek saw it. He led Mark to the bed.

"The wound? Well, you'll only make it worse. Especially when you walk on your leg." Mark sat down and followed Derek's movement in the room. Derek picked up the IV from the floor and went to the door and called for a nurse to re-bandage Mark's shoulder. He turned to Mark who now had removed the bandage totally. Derek sighed of frustration. Mark looked at the wound.

"Lie down." Derek walked up to him and Mark carefully lay down. Derek looked at the wound on the shoulder and when the nurse came in he backed of and checked Mark's vitals.

"Derek.." Mark closed his eyes for a moment and called for his friend. Derek looked at him and Mark opened his eyes to meet his look. "Can you give me something.." He swallowed and Derek looked frustrated and impatient. "..for the pain?" Mark finished and Derek saw the pain he was in. He looked down in the chart and when the nurse was done with the bandage he watched her leave and walked up to Mark. He put Mark on the EKG and the IV again and Mark just watched him move.

"I'm sorry, Derek." The weak voice made Derek look up at the man in the bed. Mark closed his eyes in pain. As much anger as Derek felt towards Mark, he hated to see anyone in so much pain.

"I'll be right back." Mark shook his head. Derek didn't see it and walked to the door. Mark looked at him.

"Please.." Derek turned and met his eyes. Mark begged for Derek to give him something and Derek walked up to him and looked him in his eyes.

"You're going to be fine, Mark." Mark smiled a weak smile.

"If I don't die.." He took a deep breath. "..of the pain." Derek watched his cocky friend fade away. He wrinkled his eyebrows and looked at Mark.

"Mark." He tried to wake him up but failed. He ran to the code blue button and pushed it fast. "God damn, Mark!"

The code blue team ran across the corridor to Dr. Sloane's room. They ran past another doctor, and she wasn't too happy about seeing which room they ran to. She ran after them but stopped in the doorway and watched as her ex-husband with help from the code blue team tried to get some life in to Mark Sloane.

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**There it was. Not so bad was it?Well, the most of it just came when I wrote, maybe it's good maybe it's not. No one nkows but you, so please read and review and tell me your opinion. Maybe some tips of how I can continue. I'll be happy if you review. Maybe not if it's something mean, but I don't think anyone of you are mean, so, please review. Until next time, bye.**


	12. Life

**Here it is. I have no idea if this is any good, so please tell me. I just wrote and wote and this came up. I hope you all review because it keeps me going. Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter XII – Life

The code team started to get the defibrillator ready. Derek got impatient and pushed away the nurse from the machine. He grabbed the paddles from the young nurse who was shocked by the doctor's reaction.

"Give 'em to me." Derek looked up for a second and saw Addison enter the room. He saw so much pain and sadness in her eyes that he'd never seen before. "Charge, 250!" Addison's eyes begged Derek to save this man's life. Derek nodded a small nod and finally moved his eyes from hers to the paddles in his hands. "Clear!" Mark's body was shocked, but nothing happened to the question mark on the EKG. "Charge, 300!" Derek knew that he had to save this life, both for Mark and Addison's sake, and he knew that he had to save it for his own. "Clear!" And he couldn't forgive himself if he didn't succeed. No sign of a heart rate. Derek clenched his jaw in frustration and looked at the nurse. "Charge, 360!"

Addison stood as paralyzed in the doorway. The only sound she could hear was Derek's voice and the sound of the defibrillator charging.

"Clear!" Though the nurse's was loud and all the people in the corridor too, she could only hear the two things that tried to save Mark's life.

Derek closed his eyes in desperation, but didn't give up. "Charge, 380!"

"Dr. Shep..." Derek gave her an angry look.

"Just do it!" The nurse charged the machine. Derek was ready to shock the body. You could see both his hands shake. His whole body was shaking. He took a deep breath. "Clear!"

Addison felt a single tear slid down her face. A new sound reached to her ears. A sound of a weak heart rate on the EKG. Weak but it was still there. The nurse's in the room was shocked. Derek stared at the body in the bed. The sweat ran down his face and he was still shaking. The young nurse reached out for the paddles and Derek slowly gave them to her.

"Thank you, sir." Derek nodded and looked down at the floor. The code team left the room and Addison walked up to the bed. Derek looked up at her and she met his eyes. He saw the tears and then a smile of relief.

"Derek..." He looked scared and sad. He swallowed and looked down at Mark.

"Tell me when he wakes up will you?" Addison looked from him to Mark and nodded.

"Yeah, okay." Derek took a deep breath and left the room. Addison watched him leave and understood. Though Derek was supposed to hate this man, Mark was still his friend. Addison moved a chair to sit by the bed and slid her hand in Mark's, with her eyes steady on his now normal heart rate.

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Derek walked with heavy steps towards the locker room. He met a nurse and told her to give Dr. Sloane some morphine for his pain. She nodded and looked at him with a strange look. He walked forward and opened the door. He walked up to his locker and reached for a towel. He undressed and went to the shower. He stood there in half an hour with closed eyes. When he was done he dried himself with his towel and put on his spare pair of scrubs. He walked out of the locker room and ran his fingers through his moist hair. Down the hall he saw the chief walk towards him accompanied by Bailey.

"Shepherd!" Derek tried to look at them with a normal look, but was too exhausted. Bailey wrinkled an eyebrow when she saw him.

"What happened to you?" Derek opened his mouth to come with a lie, but the chief stopped him.

"Never mind, Miranda. Derek, Ellis Grey." Derek wrinkled his eyebrows at him.

"What about her?"

"She's sick. The hospital she's in called to find Meredith."

"Why isn't she here?"

"It was closer to that hospital and they said it was an emergency."

"Have you told Meredith?" Derek asked and Bailey cut in.

"No, and if we do she will go there, and in her condition it's impossible."

"She has to know." Derek looked from Bailey to Webber.

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Christina waited as Izzie washed her face.

"I mean, I know a surgery is a good opportunity, but..."

"Oh stop your complaining. Come on." Christina's pager went off and she left the room with Izzie right behind her. "Burke."

"Surgery." Izzie yawned and sighed. Christina rolled her eyes and saw Burke down the hall. He turned to them.

"What took you so long? Go scrub in." He walked past them and Izzie swallowed a yawn. Christina looked at her.

"You in for this?"

"Yeah, yeah..." She swallowed another one and they both went to scrub in.

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Meredith slowly opened her eyes when she heard someone enter the room. She smiled a weak smile and Derek walked up to her. He smiled a small smile back and she wondered why he looked so exhausted and troubled. She tried to sit up and he helped her with the pillows. She hid a yawn with her hand on her mouth and he sat down beside her.

"What's wrong?" Meredith met his eyes and he sighed.

"Meredith, your mother..." Meredith opened her eyes wide and he got her attention alright.

"What about her?" Derek saw that this was going to hit her hard, but he had to make her stay calm.

"Richard got a call from a hospital…" Meredith shook her head and tried to sit up. Derek put his hand on hers. "Meredith, you can't..."

"Don't tell me what I can or can't do." She sat on the edge of the bed and Derek got up and walked over to the other side where she sat.

"You're recovering from an operation, you can't just go." Meredith tried to stand up and Derek grabbed her arm when she was about to fall. She looked at him and felt tears build up in her eyes.

"Let me go, Derek." She fought back when he grabbed her other arm and tried to clam her down. He made her look at him and she couldn't hold the tears back. She looked down at the floor. "How bad is it?" She asked with a low voice. Derek sighed at the question.

"I don't know." Meredith let the tears fall and Derek took her in to his warm and comfortable embrace. "I can't loose her." She said through the sobs and grabbed his scrubs with her small hands. Derek caressed her hair and kissed her forehead.

"I know..." They stayed in this position for a few seconds, and Derek tried to calm her down. She cleared her throat after a while and let him go.

"I have to see her." She pushed past him to get to her IV and with help from the thing it hang on she could walk. Derek stopped her with a caring hand on her shoulder.

"You can't. It's hours from here, and you can't drive in your condition." Meredith stared at him.

"Well you can, can't you?" Derek looked in to her eyes and avoided her question.

"You're too weak, Meredith."

"Well, if you're not driving, I will." She pushed past him and walked with slow but settled steps towards the door. She needed clothes and they were across the hall. She wiped out the tears from her eyes before opening the door. Derek followed her and when she stepped out in the corridor, Izzie, Christina and Burke came walking down the hall. Izzie ran up to Meredith and stopped her. Christina walked up to them.

"Meredith…" Izzie looked surprised and Christina was just angry. She glared at Derek, who to her was supposed to take care of her friend and his patient.

"What have you done now, McShithead?" Derek sighed and Burke walked up to them.

"Dr. Grey, are you feeling better now?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I need to go."

"Why's that?" Burke met Meredith's swollen eyes and then turned to Derek. Derek knew what they all thought.

"It's not me!" Christina turned to look at Meredith. Meredith sighed.

"It's not a big deal. I need to visit my mother. It's just a few hours by car…"

"By car? Are you crazy, Mer? You can't drive now." Izzie stared at her.

"Why not? I'm fine!" Christina looked at her friend and noticed that she was exhausted and tired of all this, and just needed badly to see the mother she never had had.

"I'll drive you." Meredith met her eyes and gave her a relieved "thank you" look. Derek was about to protest, but Christina stopped him, and Izzie helped Meredith to her clothes. "I'll drive her there and she'll visit her mother. And you can take care of your wife and her lover." Derek stared at her. "Which hospital?" Derek answered her question and she nodded. She turned to follow Izzie and Meredith. Burke looked at Derek.

"She'll be fine, Derek." Derek watched as Burke left him and he ran his fingers through his hair.

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Mark slowly moved his fingers and felt a hand in his. Addison felt his movement and looked at him. He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling before he noticed that Addison where there. He met her caring eyes and gave her a smile.

"Thank god." He said with a weak voice. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"Thank Derek." Addison squeezed his hand and Mark seemed surprised. Addison smiled. "He didn't let you go."

"He didn't help the pain."

"He saved your life." Mark looked at her. "You were gone more than 60 seconds, but he didn't give up." Mark looked around in the room to stop a tear from fall from his eyes. Addison let go of his hand and quietly paged Derek. Mark closed his eyes and then opened them to look at the EKG. Addison took his hand in hers again and he looked at her.

"You're beautiful." Addison smiled and looked down at the floor. He grabbed her arm softly and pulled her to him. She moved closer to him and when they were that close that they could feel each other breath Mark leaned forward to kiss her. It was a weak and gentle kiss that lasted long. When Mark pulled away, Addison looked at him and smiled a small smile.

"Thank you." Mark smiled and Addison leaned back in the chair.

Derek reached the room and knocked at the door before her entered. He met Mark's eyes and was relieved, though he didn't show it. Mark didn't dare to say anything, afraid to get a cold response. Addison watched as Derek walked up to the end of the bed and grabbed the chart. She looked over at Mark and smiled.

"I'm gonna go check on a patient, I'll be right back, okay?" Mark looked at her and nodded.

"Yeah, sure. Take your time." Addison nodded and leered at Derek who leered back at her before she left the room. Mark followed Derek's movements while Derek checked his vitals and double checked the chart.

"I'm fine." Derek leered at him. "Thanks to you." Mark tried to read him, tried to tell what he was thinking. Derek put back the chart and put the pen in his chest pocket.

"It was routine."

"Addie said you didn't give up after the routine time." Derek met his eyes and Mark narrowed his. "So I ask myself. Why did Derek do it, if he still hates me?"

"You'll have to figure that one out yourself."

"Not hard. I'm still you're best friend." Derek moved towards the door. "Ever since you moved to Seattle you've never had a friend, and now when you were close to loose me, you realized that the friend you decided to hate, was the only one you had." Derek stopped with his hand on the door knob. Mark watched him as he stood by the door, unable to open it and walk out. "When are you going to stop lying to yourself?" Derek swallowed. "I'm sorry, Derek, but I can't take your crap anymore. Thank you for saving my god damn life, but please save yours. You're in denial. You've always been. And don't drag Addie in to your stupid lie, she'll only end up hurt, again." Derek turned around.

"I've already let her go!" Mark looked at him while the man in front of him screamed. "She's yours, you can have her! If that's all you wanted out of this friendship, then I regret that I cared to save your life." Derek opened the door and left the room. Mark sighed deeply.

Derek stopped outside the door. He turned around and walked in again. Addison saw that and wondered what was happening. Derek cared less to shut the door. Mark looked up when he saw Derek standing in the doorway.

"And you know what? I didn't do anything wrong here! You slept with my wife and betrayed our friendship; you don't have the right to tell me anything!"

"Drop it, Derek. You stopped loving her before I came in to the picture." Addison leaned against the wall outside the room and listened to Derek's response.

"And how in hell do you know that? She told you?" Mark sat up and stared at him.

"No. You did!" Derek stared back at him. "Remember the night you told me your marriage wasn't working? I tried to tell you to work on it, for Addison's sake, but you were messed up as hell." Addison stared on the floor. "Then Addison came to me and we talked. She told me that you were absent. I thought you'd given up. She was sad, and I was there when you weren't.

"Oh, so you slept with her every time I wasn't there?"

"You know that's not what I meant. I talked to her."

"And then what? She was so vulnerable that you took advantage?"

"There were two of us, Derek."

"Yeah, I know, I saw it."

"Yeah, Derek, you saw it. And you ran away. You ran away instead of solving your problems!"

"How could you?" Derek asked in a calm voice while slowly shaking his head. He'd seen Mark as his best friend, and had been truly hurt when he'd seen him with Addison that night. Mark calmed down and looked in to Derek's eyes.

"I love her, and I always have and I always will." Derek felt stupid. He looked down. "I couldn't see her get hurt like that. She was slowly fading away because of the love that you stopped to answer." Derek didn't look up, he stared at the floor. "Remember at your wedding when I gave you the ring and you were so nervous that you dropped it?" Derek slowly looked up. "And we bent down to pick it up and I told you that her heart was with you, and nobody else."

"If you ever drop her heart, I'll help you pick it up." Mark met Derek's eyes and sighed. Derek looked at him. "You were trying to help our marriage?" Addison listened carefully and had already let a tear fall down her cheek. Mark looked at Derek.

"You didn't let her in, Derek. We tried hard to figure it out, but she didn't have the strength. She gave up." Derek slowly shook his head and smiled. "She called me, and cried on the phone. She had found the birthday card and the valentine's day card from Sarah." Derek looked at him with surprise.

"It was a patient who had a crush!" He raised his hands to the air and stared at Mark.

"Still, she thought it was the answer to you being absent. We got drunk and then…"

"I walked in on you." Mark nodded slowly and Derek looked down again.

"Derek…" Derek looked at Mark.

"Don't. I have to…" He cleared his throat and walked out the door. Outside he met Addison's tearful eyes. He stared at her and wondered how long she'd been standing out there. He looked around and saw nurses looking at him and Addison. He saw Bailey staring at him and he heard whispering. He looked back at Addison who avoided his eyes. She waited for him to leave, she didn't have the strength to talk to him and he didn't either. He walked down the hall and past Bailey.

"Dr. Shepherd." He didn't stop walking. Bailey shook her head and looked around. Everybody was staring at Derek. "Get back to work!" Bailey screamed and everyone obeyed the Nazi.

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Meredith sat in her car with a blanket. They were halfway to her mother's hospital. Christina had noticed Meredith shaking after 20 minutes so she'd given her one of the blankets she'd brought. Christina was quiet and Meredith too. It was the best. But Christina couldn't help but worrying that Meredith got worse. Maybe if she pretended to be curious.

"So, are you and McDreamy?" Meredith didn't look at her.

"I don't know. I kissed him though." Christina nodded and felt victory because of starting a conversation.

"Really, well, just make him work hard." Meredith laughed a little and Christina felt relieved. Good, now she could be quiet again. Meredith took her hand over her mouth.

"I think I need to puke…" Christina obeyed and stopped beside the road. Meredith opened the door and puked. Christina looked away. Meredith closed her eyes of the headache she'd got. Christina leered at her when she didn't see any movement.

"Meredith?" Meredith nodded a little and sat up. She took some napkins and dried her mouth. Christina saw that her friend closed her eyes and she saw a single tear fall down her cheek. "Meredith, are you okay?" Meredith didn't open her eyes but shook her head. Christina sighed. She looked at Meredith again and took up her cell phone. "Shit, I'll need to call Shepherd. If he says "I told you so" I will kill him with my bare hands." Meredith opened her eyes and Christina let her dial Derek's cell phone number. Meredith leaned back and closed her eyes again while Christina tried to reach the doctor.

Derek heard his cell phone ring. He sighed and sat up in the dark on-call room. He reached for it on the floor and looked at the number. He didn't recognize it. He sighed and didn't answer. He lay back down and closed his eyes.

Christina looked angrily at the phone. "Shithead." She looked over at Meredith. "Give me your phone." Meredith pointed at her bag in the backseat.

"Bag." Christina nodded and heard that Meredith's voice was getting weaker. She reached for the bag and searched it for the cell phone. When she found it, she dialled the number again and waited for an answer.

Derek heard the phone again, and sighed deeply. "Why now?" He reached for the cell phone and looked at it. When he saw the name he sat up and answered quickly. "Meredith?"

"No, it's Christina, you lazy idiot." Derek sighed at Christina's anger and heard how she opened and closed a car door.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, first she started to shake after 20 minutes and then she puked 5 minutes ago. And now she fucking cries because of the pain." Derek stood up and walked out of the room.

"Where are you?"

"Too far away, Shepherd." Christina heard him walking fast and she sighed. "I got her, just tell me what to do." Christina looked in through the window to see how Meredith was doing. Meredith met her eyes, and Christina saw that she was weak. Derek got to his car.

"She has to lie down, and don't let her freeze. Where are you?" Christina sighed. He was a stubborn bastard.

"Half way to the hospital." Derek nodded and Christina heard how he opened and closed a car door.

"Go to the nearest motel."

"Right and how do you think I could find a motel out here?" Derek searched his car for a map. Christina heard something from the car. She opened the door.

"Christina, I'm cold…" Derek heard Meredith's weak voice.

"Hang on, Meredith." She closed the door and went to the trunk. "You better hurry, Shepherd." Derek found the map and searched for the right road.

"Half way you said?"

"Yes." Christina grabbed the last blanket and closed the trunk. She walked up to the passenger seat, but noticed the puke. She walked around the car and opened the door on that side. "Here, take this." Meredith grabbed the blanket and pulled it over herself. Derek found a motel close by. He told Christina where to go. "Okay, good. And then what?"

"I'll meet you there." Derek started the engine and Christina sighed once more. They hung up and both drove towards the motel.

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**Well, what do you think? I don't know myself. Mark and Derek's fight.. I don't know you tell me. And Meredith being sick. Please tell me what you think. I have no idea if it's good on any level. Please read and review, and help me on this one.**


	13. Choice

**Hello everybody. It's been a while. A very long while. And the reason is because I haven't had a clue what I was going to write. And then the third season started, and I had to watch that, which made it harder to come up with something to write. And then it was school of course. And then I read all this amazing fanfics, which made me hesitate a lot about my own story. It's always like that, you see something very very good, and then you think your own stuff is very very bad. Well, after that I started to write a new story, but I didn't know if that was any good. And after that I started to write a little on this one again, and I realized that I can't know if it's bad if no one sees it. So this is chapter 13. And I hope that you review after you've read. I will keep writing, if I can, and well see how it goes. I just want to say thank you to everyone. All the ones who read, and all the ones who review. And to all the great people who write all the amazing fanfics I've read. Now I will stop writing here, and let you read. I really hope you enjoy it. **

**And just to be on the safe side: I don't own anything. I would want to, but sadly I don't.

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Chapter XIII – Choice

Izzie walked in to the locker room and saw Alex by his locker. She smiled slightly at him and he looked at her. "You okay?" Izzie met his eyes when he asked.

"Yeah. You?" Alex looked over at his locker again and closed it.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Izzie nodded a little and Alex went to the door. George came in through it and Alex pushed past him. George watched him leave and then gave Izzie a suspicious look. Izzie just shrugged and George sat down beside her.

"Heard anything from Cristina?" Izzie shook her head while she grabbed a candy-bar from her bag.

"No. But I think they're fine, they have to be. But Bailey isn't going to be happy about them leaving, and we're going to have to do their work." Just as she said the last part Bailey walked in to the locker room. She stared at them, and both George and Izzie hurried out of there. Bailey followed them to the corridor.

"Now, anyone of you know where Grey and Yang is?"

"Cristina is driving Meredith to see her mother." George said fast and hoped for a mildly response from Bailey. Bailey wrinkled her eyebrows and looked at them. Izzie didn't dare to say anything and Alex just stood leaned against the wall.

"Stupid, stupid. I'll handle that later. Now then, I hope you're up for some work. Karev, you're down in the pit. Stevens, post ops for Dr. Montgomery and George's with Burke." Alex sighed deeply and turned to walk away. Izzie nodded and walked away and George went to catch up with Burke down the corridor. Bailey followed George, and he got a bit scared about it. Burke saw them and smiled at Bailey.

"Miranda?" George stopped and waited.

"Did you now about Yang and Grey?"

"Yes." Burke looked down in the chart he had in his hands.

"And do you know where Shepherd is?" Burke shook his head and looked up.

"No, I don't. If you excuse me. O'Malley." George nodded and followed Burke. Bailey sighed and walked away.

* * *

Cristina drove fast and tried to find the motel. 

"Your McDreamy is an ass." She said quietly. Meredith's breathing had become heavy and Cristina heard it. She looked at her and reached out to take her pulse. Meredith let out a moan when Cristina touched her neck and Cristina noticed her shaking again. The pulse was low and she was feverish. She turned in on a road and then turned left on another one when she finally saw the Pink Motel. She sighed deeply. "You've got to be kidding me." There were pink neon things everywhere. "My eyes." Cristina parked the car and Meredith noticed that they stopped. She turned a little in her seat. "Meredith, wake up." Meredith slowly opened her eyes and looked at her. Cristina sighed once again when she saw those eyes and walked out of the car. She looked over at Meredith one more time, before she left to get a room.

Derek looked at the map. He felt lost, though he was on the right road. He felt like he'd never reach her and that he'd never be able to help her. He should've stopped them. He knew that this could happen, and he knew that when the headache came, it could only get worse. He stepped on it, and drove as fast as he could, only hoping that the police stayed of this road tonight.

Cristina came back and opened the door to the passenger seat. Meredith moaned and pulled the blankets around her because of the cold breeze that came from the outside. Cristina didn't know how she was going to get her friend out of the car. She heard another car park next to hers, but she knew that her luck wasn't that good that it could be Derek already. And she was right. It wasn't Derek, but it was a young man who looked strong. Cristina slowly walked up to him.

"You." The man turned to her and looked surprised.

"Yes?" He sounded scared and Cristina looked at him.

"Can you carry a tiny sick person for me?" The man didn't really understand and Cristina sighed. "My friend is sick and I have to get her inside." He slowly nodded and Cristina thought he was incredibly slow minded. "Can you give me a hand?" She clarified and then he put back the boxes he had in his arms in his trunk and looked at Cristina.

"I can try."

"Good." They walked to her car and the man picked her up. Cristina showed the way to their room and the man carried Meredith there. Cristina fixed the bed and the man put down Meredith in it. Cristina pulled the covering over her friend's body and then took the blankets over that.

"Is she going to be okay?" The man looked at Cristina and she looked from Meredith to him.

"Well know when that damn doctor arrives." She said quietly.

"Should I call an ambulance?" Cristina shook her head.

"No, I'm a doctor, and a good one. So no need for any fake nurses." The man nodded slowly and Cristina looked at him when he still stood there. "Well, thank you for your help, but you can go back to your stuff now."

"Oh, okay. If you need any more help…"

"I will, bye." Cristina followed him to the door and closed it in front of him. She walked up to the bed and checked Meredith's pulse. Weak, but at least not gone, she thought and picked up Meredith's cell phone.

Derek answered and heard Cristina's complaining.

"Try to make her drink something."

"Like tequila?" Derek sighed.

"Water." Cristina went in to the bathroom and tried to find a glass.

"She has a fever." She said in a low voice while she filled a small glass with water. Derek took a deep breath. He knew all this. It often happened when someone leaved their recovery too early, and it wasn't good at all. Cristina got a bit worried when Derek didn't say anything, but she went on with the water. She sat down next to Meredith. "Meredith, you need to drink this." Meredith opened her eyes and looked at the glass of water. She nodded slightly and Christina helped her drink.

"Did she drink it all?"

"No." Cristina placed the glass on the cupboard and stood up. Suddenly she heard a loud sound from Derek's end of the line. Derek honked the horn.

"Move!" Cristina heard he was furious, and she knew exactly why. He wanted to be by her side, and he was scared as hell. She knew the feeling. She wasn't the one who usually did these things but, it was different now.

"Shepherd…"

"What?"

"Don't get yourself killed because of this. Then you won't be able to help her." Derek was surprised but understood what she was saying. He nodded slightly to himself and Cristina heard that he took some deep breaths.

"Thank you."

"No problem." They hung up and Derek kept on driving, but tried not to kill himself on the way. He heard his cell phone again and answered.

"What's wrong?"

"Where are you, Shep?" He heard Richard's voice and sighed.

"Meredith's sick."

"Why did you let her go? You knew this would happen."

"I couldn't stop her, she wanted to see her mother. Cristina drove her and now their on a motel half way to the hospital."

"What? Why didn't they come back? Or drive to her mother's hospital? That's just great…" Richard sighed and shook his head slightly. Derek felt guilty because he had wanted Cristina to drive Meredith to a motel instead of a hospital. But he couldn't change that now. Richard didn't hear any response, so he took a deep breath and understood that Derek was as scared as he was, even more probably. "How bad is it?" Derek was glad he changed the subject.

"Not good. Fever and low pulse." Richard took a deep breath. "I'm there soon."

"Good, Derek. Help her and bring her back here." Derek nodded and they hung up.

* * *

Mark slowly closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Addison looked in on him. She hadn't visited him since she had heard the fight, which everyone at the hospital possibly knew about. The two hot shot doctors fighting about the friendship she had ruined. She hadn't seen it from that perspective before, but she knew it was one of the things that had been ruined by her little affair with Mark Sloan. She walked in to his room and closed the door behind her. Mark opened his eyes and looked at her. She met his eyes for a second, but felt guilty when she saw the sadness, and looked at the floor instead. He wrinkled his eyebrows when he saw that she avoided his eyes, but didn't know if he should say something. Addison sat down in the chair next to his bed and eventually started to look at him instead of everything else in the room. Mark smiled when her eyes met his, but she just looked at him. 

"I'm sorry, Mark." Mark looked questionably at her.

"For what?"

"I didn't realise… The marriage wasn't the only thing I ruined…" Mark understood that she had heard their fight. He reached out and grabbed her hand. She looked down on her lap and closed her eyes. She was tired of all this. Everything that had happened this day had been exhausting.

"You didn't ruin anything." She took a deep breath. "You can't blame this on yourself. There were two of us…" He sighed. "If you should blame anyone, it should be me."

"You know what?" Addison pulled away her hand and stood up. "I'm tired. And you should rest. So…" She cleared her throat and met his eyes. "I'll visit later." Mark watched her leave and then started to stare at the ceiling until he felt his eyelids slowly close.

* * *

"Dr. Bailey!" Bailey turned to see the chief walking towards her. She left the chart in the hands of a nurse and looked at him. "I just thought you wanted an update on Grey." Bailey waited nervously, because he didn't sound that happy about telling what he was about to tell. "It's bad. Derek is driving there now." Bailey sighed. 

"Okay." She looked around, and then saw her interns gathering to listen to what they were saying. "Keep me updated, will you, sir?"

"Yes. Yes, of course." Bailey smiled a little and nodded before she walked up to the interns. They were all curious, but when they saw the serious look on her face they got worried.

"Well, Dr. Shepherd is driving to help Yang with Grey's condition." She tried to tell it smoothly. George and Izzie was about to say something but Alex came first.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Izzie, George and Bailey was surprised by his question, but Bailey just looked at him and was about to answer, when Izzie opened her mouth.

"Why did they let her go? Now she could die because they let her go…"

"Stevens, calm down. She's going to be fine. And we have to keep our patients alive while Yang and Shepherd is helping her. So, get back to work." She watched as they sighed and left to do their work. She took a deep breath and did the same.

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Derek parked the car, and recognized Cristina's car a few parking slots to the left. He called her and Cristina told him which room they were in. When he was on his way up there, he saw a young man standing outside the room. He wrinkled his eyebrows and knocked on the door. The man looked at him. 

"Are you the doctor?" Derek looked at him but didn't get the chance to say anything, because the door opened and Cristina looked at them. He looked at her and then over her shoulder at Meredith in the bed. He pushed past her and walked up to the bed. He put his car keys on the bedside table and sat down next to her. Cristina noticed that the young man that had helped her earlier was standing next to her in the doorway, and she cleared her throat.

"Oh, sorry." He stepped out. "Is he the doctor?"

"Yes."

"Oh, okay… Good. If you need anything…"

"Thank you, but we're fine. Bye." Cristina closed the door and the man walked away.

Derek took Meredith's pulse. Meredith turned a little by his touch and then slowly opened her eyes to look at the man who sat on the bed. Derek looked at his clock and didn't notice Meredith's attempt to meet his eyes.

"Derek…" He turned his head towards her and looked in to her eyes.

"Oh, Meredith…" He put his hand on her cheek and smiled a small smile. Meredith noticed the fear in his eyes and got worried. "You have to drink this." He reached for the glass on the bedside table and then leaned down to the bag he had brought. He helped her drink the water and then he smiled and looked over at Cristina.

"So, what's your big plan?" Derek swallowed nervously and stood up.

"I have the IV with me. And we have to keep an eye on her all night."

"Ok. So, why didn't we get her to a hospital in the first place?" Derek leered over at Meredith, who was listening carefully. Derek hesitated and then looked at Cristina.

"When she's stabilized we'll take her there." He avoided her question and Cristina didn't let it go.

"Well, okay. But why did we have to go to this all too much pink motel first?" Derek turned to her and met her eyes. Cristina saw a kind of panic and fear she never seen before and she understood that he had acted only with those feelings. She sighed. "Great…" She turned around and sat down in a chair by the bathroom door. Derek watched her and felt even guiltier by his stupid decision. Meredith looked at him while he sat down next to her again, and started to take her blood pressure.

"Why did you take me here?" Her question came out like a whisper but both Derek and Cristina heard it. Cristina saw how Derek froze, and she knew all this would make him hesitate and become a very scared doctor, which he already was, but even so. She walked up to Meredith and Derek leered at her.

"You had too lay down and the fever had to go away before we could drive any further." Meredith looked at her and nodded. Cristina nodded and went to sit down in the chair again. Meredith looked at Derek and he was about to put in the IV in her arm.

"Derek…" Derek met her eyes. She was more scared than he was. "I'm going to be fine right? It's just a simple fever… Nothing serious, right?" Derek smiled and nodded.

"You are going to be just fine." Meredith didn't stop to look in to his eyes, and he couldn't look away. And she noticed fear, panic and exhaustion, which didn't match up with her being fine.

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**So there it was. I hope you liked it. Please let me know. Read and review, because it keeps me going. Thank you.**


	14. Back

**Hello again. Just have to say that I adored this week's episode** _"Where the Boys Are"_**. I actually loved it, and it is one of my favorite episodes. Well, this is chapter 14. Thank you everyone who reviewed, and everyone else that read the story. I don't know what you all will think about this chapter, but I will just let you read and review as always. Hope you enjoy.**

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Chapter XIV – Back

A new day in Seattle. But it wasn't as happy and sunny as most people would want it to be. Izzie and George didn't like to sleep in the house while they didn't know if Meredith was alive or not. And they didn't like to be at the hospital and not knowing there either, which was a problem, because nobody knew what was going on at the Pink Motel. Alex sat down on the bench in the locker room and Izzie sat down next to him. He leered at her and cleared his throat.

"Heard anything?"

"No." Their sighs filled the silent room with a feeling of hopelessness. But when the door opened, the all had to sharpen up and see who was in the doorway.

"Rounds, people." Bailey met their eyes and took a deep breath. She left, and the interns followed. They first went to a patient with a brain tumour. The patient was a woman in her thirties, who had her husband by her side at all times. They both looked hopeless, though the husband tried to cheer his wife up by smiling at the doctors who entered the room and at her. A strange looking doctor told them that she was going to operate this morning, and when Alex was the one to answer the most of her questions, he got the case. The neurosurgeon handed him the chart and smiled.

"Welcome to the case, Dr. Karev." She left the room, and Bailey followed. Alex smiled at the patient and watched as the other interns followed Bailey. The next patient was the famous plastic surgeon. George presented the case, and the strange looking neurosurgeon was standing next to him. They all felt strange because of the new surgeon, and didn't really know why she was everywhere. Mark looked exhausted, which he was.

"Dr. Sloan is recovering from gun shot in shoulder and leg, and is supposed to be monitored while on morphine." George ended his presentation. Mark looked around.

"For the pain, not the pleasure." He attempted a cocky smile.

"Dr. Sloan, I am Dr. Garrison, and I am covering for Dr. Shepherd."

"It's nice to see you again Kate." Mark smiled at her and she smiled back.

"It's been a while, Mark."

"Does Addie know you're here?"

"No, I will go find her now. I'll check on you later." She patted his arm gently and smiled widely. Then she smiled at everyone else in the room before she looked over at George. "This case is yours, Dr. O'Malley." George smiled a small smiled and then followed all the doctors out of the room. Dr. Garrison walked away, and Izzie and George watched her go further down the corridor.

"This Dr. Garrison is everywhere." Izzie looked at George when he said this.

"Well, Dr. Shepherd was everywhere. Maybe it's something with neurosurgeons." They shrugged and followed Bailey to the nurses' station.

"Okay, O'Malley you heard Dr. Garrison, you're monitoring Dr. Sloan. Though I don't think he would have any problems, you will keep an eye on him today. Stevens you're with Dr. Burke. Get to work."

"Uhm, Dr. Bailey?"

"Yes…" She didn't sound happy about George asking her something when he was supposed to be off already.

"Have you heard anything?" She sighed and looked at both of them.

"No, and nobody has. I'm sure you'll know when we hear something and until then I want you to do you're jobs. We're short as it is. A new neurosurgeon and short with two interns. Why does everyone have to make my job so hard?" She mumbled the last sentence while she left them standing in silence. They looked at each other and then got to work.

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"Any news, Patricia?"

"No, sir. Only Ellis Grey's doctor called again, and said that she's stable so they confirmed the transport." Richard sighed and closed his eyes.

"Thank you, Patricia."

"No problem, sir. I'll let you know when they get here." She smiled and left his office. He sat down in his chair and heard someone else enter the room. Bailey cleared her throat.

"Chief?" He turned to her.

"Oh, Miranda." He cleared his throat. "How can I help you?"

"Well… Any news sir? I have three very anxious interns and a new neurosurgeon down there, so I was just wondering…"

"No, nothing." Bailey nodded and the silence between them was disturbed by Richard's cell phone. He picked it up and saw Derek's number. He looked at Bailey and she nodded and left the room. He answered and heard a tired voice on the other end.

"Shepherd? What's going on?"

Derek sighed and left the motel room.

"We watched her all night, and the fever is fading away. I think we can drive her to the hospital now."

"Well, you should've gone there in the first place." Derek sighed and nodded.

"I know that. I know, chief. Trust me, I know." Richard heard his exhaustion and felt bad for pushing it.

"Well, okay. Take her here. Ellis is stable, so the hospital is going to transport her."

"Okay. We'll see you soon."

"Good. And Derek?"

"Yes?"

"Good work." Richard tried to make him feel better, but it didn't help. Derek knew he'd screwed up when he hadn't brought Meredith to the hospital directly. He had risked her life.

"Yeah… Ok. I'll call later." They hung up and Derek went in to the room again.

Cristina was trying to keep herself awake, and had been through the night. Meredith was fast asleep and had actually stabilized, though it had been critical at some times.

"Can we finally get out of here?" Cristina stood up and went in to the bathroom to wash her face. Derek nodded.

"Yeah." He walked up to Meredith and sat down next to her. He caressed her hair and that made her open her eyes slowly. The headache was gone thanks to the medicine she had gotten. She looked at him and smiled a weak smile.

"Hey…"

"Hi." Derek smiled, and Meredith yawned a little. "Meredith…" He whispered slightly and Meredith listened to his soft voice while she closed her eyes. "I'm sorry for this. It's all my fault, and if I hadn't been so selfish, you wouldn't have been in so much pain." Meredith opened her eyes and looked at him. He met her eyes and saw the confusion in them. He knew he should explain more, but right know he just had to apologize so that he could go on with the day. Meredith looked in to his eyes.

"But I'm okay now, right?" Derek heard the confusion in her voice and nodded and smiled. Cristina was watching and listening from the bathroom.

"Yeah, you're okay." He got to his feet. "I'm just going to take some air." He turned around, and met Cristina's eyes before he walked out of the door. Cristina walked up to Meredith.

"Hey." Meredith looked at her, while she tried to sit up. Cristina helped her by putting a pillow behind her head.

"Hey…" Meredith answered and looked at the door and then at Cristina, who had put a chair next to the bed and sat down with her feet on the bed. "Where are we anyway?" She wasn't at all cured or anything, and she knew that herself, because she felt the weakness in her movement and in her talking, but if she was going to compare it to the night before, she would say that she felt much better. Cristina laughed a little.

"We're at the Pink Motel. It's a very nice motel, chosen by our one and only Dr. Shepherd." She opened a candy-bar and started to chew it while looking around in the room. "It's not bad actually." Meredith looked at her.

"But I don't understand. Why are we here?" Cristina avoided her eyes. She didn't want to answer that. She didn't know what his reason was exactly, but she was guessing that he had been so scared that he had to be right next to her and heal her because of all his mistakes before. But, it was just a guess. "I… need some air. You know, we've been sitting in here all night without any action, so…" Cristina got to her feet, and Meredith watched as she went to the door. "You should drink something." She said with her mouth full of candy. Meredith nodded, and Cristina left the room. Outside she saw Derek leaned to the wall. He noticed her when she was two steps away, and looked at her with surprise. She watched him closely. "Nice motel you picked." Derek sighed. "I just want to know why. I have my suspicions but…"

"Dr. Yang, we should get moving." He started to walk towards the room. Cristina glared at him. The man from yesterday came walking towards them.

"Hey." Cristina looked at him and then at Derek who had turned around to met the young man once again.

"Oh great…" Cristina sighed and walked up to Derek with an angry look on her face. "He's all impressed with you. Tell him what a great surgeon you are who takes his sick girlfriend to a motel instead of a hospital." She walked past him and in to the motel room. The young man smiled and saw how Derek just stared on to the ground.

"Hi, I'm Neil. I just wanted to know how that girl is doing. I helped carrying her to the room, and that other woman told me not to call an ambulance, because you were coming. So I just wanted to know if she was alright now." Derek looked at him and smiled one of the fake smiles he had learned to give when he really wasn't in the mood.

"She's okay now. Thank you for your help." He nodded and turned around. Meredith saw how he entered the room with a sad look on his face. Cristina was packing the medicine bag and didn't notice him. He smiled at Meredith.

"So, we should get going. I'll drive you to the hospital." Cristina sighed and looked at him.

"No, really, Dr. Shepherd, I think I should do it." Derek looked at her.

"What is your problem?" Derek looked at her, and was trying to figure out why she was this mad at him.

"What is my problem? You jeopardized my friend's life just so that you could satisfy your fear of loosing her again." Meredith was shocked by those words and all the yelling between them. She looked at Cristina with surprise. She had never seen her this upset by such a thing before. "Did you even think about the possibility of death before you chose a motel over a hospital?" Cristina glared at Derek, and had all these things she wanted to say right to his face. Why not hit him a little too. "Or did you just want to heal her yourself? You know, to make up for all the other mistakes you've put her through?" She didn't want to feel like this. All emotional and stuff like that. But she couldn't hide it any longer. She had been scared to death, and then Derek tells her to take Meredith to a motel instead of a hospital, which didn't help. The night was rough, and she had thought that they were going to loose Meredith several times. She could've died, but that wouldn't have happened if she had taken Meredith to a hospital. Now the anger and the fear did all the talking.

Derek looked at her with sad eyes. Everything she said was right. Though he didn't want it to be true, he knew it was. And when he finally heard it from someone else, not just his own thoughts, he realized exactly why he had brought Meredith to this place instead of a hospital. He realized that every word that Cristina stung him with, was absolutely true. Meredith watched him closely, and saw that he opened his mouth to say something. But he changed his mind, grabbed his car keys and met her eyes.

"Your mother is getting a transport to Seattle Grace, so you can see her when you get there." He swallowed, and leered at Cristina. "Call me if you need anything." He smiled fast at Meredith and then turned to face Cristina, who kept on staring at him. She had pushed him down with her words, and though she saw that he was devastated, she didn't regret it.

* * *

"I'm so hungry I could eat a horse, or an elephant. Something big…" George sat down with his tray in front of him. Izzie sat down next to him, and Alex too. They all ate their lunch in silence. George ate all the food he could get in to his mouth, while Izzie and Alex just like poked in theirs. Burke walked towards them, and that was the only time someone looked up from their trays.

"Stevens, Mr. Orson has agreed on surgery. I want you to prep him for surgery in an hour." Izzie nodded and smiled.

"Yeah. Sure, Dr. Burke."

"Good." He hesitated before he left them to silence again. Alex shook his head slowly.

"You get to scrub in, and I get to help the strange new surgeon. She's crazy." George and Izzie stared at him. "What?" They shook their heads slowly and Izzie kept on eating her lunch. George had already eaten up so he began to drink his juice. "I bet Sloan slept with her too." George stared at Alex when he heard those words.

"Just because he knows her, doesn't mean…"

"I think it does." Alex nodded and smiled slightly. Izzie sighed.

"Is that all that fits into your brain, Alex? Sex, and only sex. I think you and Sloan has something in common." Alex laughed a little but stopped and stared over George's shoulder. George got nervous and thought that he had done something wrong.

"What? I haven't done anything…" Izzie followed Alex eyes and saw Derek inside the hospital. Alex got to his feet, threw his tray in the trash and walked in. George watched him leave, and then noticed Derek too. They looked at each other and followed Alex example.

Derek walked towards the elevator, but turned around when he heard someone call his name.

"Dr. Shepherd." Alex ran up to him. "Where is she? Is she okay?" Derek was a little surprised that Alex was the first to ask, but then he saw George and Izzie come up right next to him.

"She…" He hesitated. The interns could all see the sad expression on his face, and held their breaths. "She survived the night." He nodded and gave them a confirming smile before he walked away again. Alex watched him leave and George and Izzie looked at each other.

"She's okay. Meredith is okay." Izzie smiled and nodded. Alex leered at them and then left.

* * *

After changing in to a new pair of scrubs, Derek made his way to the chief. Richard let him in to his office and Derek told him that Cristina and Meredith were on their way there. Richard told him which room Ellis had been taken to, and when they had talked enough, Derek left the room. The sad expression hadn't faded away when he met Addison in the corridor.

"Derek, are you okay?" Derek smiled a small smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He nodded to convince himself, and Addison saw that something was wrong. She put a hand on his arm and met his eyes.

"I heard about Meredith. Is she going to be okay?" Derek looked away but nodded.

"She is." He smiled at her and then walked away. Addison watched him leave, and wondered why he was so sad, when Meredith was going to be okay. But her thoughts about Derek faded when she heard a familiar voice call her name.

"Addison Montgomery Shepherd." She turned around and saw a small dark haired woman in a lab coat coming her way.

"Kate?" Dr. Garrison smiled a wide smile and they hugged when she reached her. When they pulled apart they both were smiling. "I can't believe this? Why aren't you in Chicago?"

"I was just visiting, and then I heard about Mark. And then I was called in to cover for Derek. Where is he anyway?"

"Oh, he's just… We aren't… He had an errand to run." She smiled slightly, and her friend looked at her suspiciously.

"What's going on Addie?"

"Well, it's no Shepherd in my name anymore. And my affair with Mark isn't the only one to blame." Kate was shocked. She had thought Derek and Addison's marriage was the ideal of a perfect marriage. But so much had happened since she left for Chicago.

"I'm so sorry, Addie." She heard her pager go off, and looked at it, before she sighed and smiled at Addison again. "You have to tell me everything. Like old times." She smiled at her. Addison smiled too, and remembered when Mark, Derek, Kate and herself used to be best friends.

"Yeah… I'm just going to check on a patient, and then I'll meet you for lunch, okay?"

"Yes, that would be great, Addie. I'll see you." She smiled and walked away. Addison took a deep breath and started to walk towards Mark's room.

* * *

"Get a gurney!" Bailey told one of the nurses. She walked up to Meredith and Cristina. Meredith took support from Cristina to stand up and tried to look as she was healthy enough to walk in herself. But she felt the weakness in her knees and Cristina grabbed her before she fell to the ground. "Stupid." Cristina just nodded at Bailey and saw how the nurse came running with a gurney. They helped Meredith to get on it, and then walked with her in to the hospital. Meredith was exhausted after the ride here, and of course because of everything that had happened. She fell asleep once again, and was asleep when they put her in her room. Cristina and Bailey left and Bailey stared at her. "Go get cleaned up, we need you to cover the pit." Cristina nodded and ran away to the locker room. On the way there she met Derek in the corridor. He stopped walking and she just looked at him. His expression asked if everything was okay, and Cristina nodded to assure him that Meredith was fine. Her anger against him wasn't gone, but she tried to hide when she saw the relief in his eyes. She looked away and opened the door to the locker room.

Derek didn't know if he was up for a visit at the moment. He couldn't stop hating himself, and knew that that feeling wouldn't get any better if he saw an exhausted Meredith. He started to walk, but didn't get very far. He bumped in to someone around a corner and when he saw who it was he was shocked.

"Derek Shepherd. I heard you had an errand to run."

"Kate? Kate Hughey?"

"Actually it's Garrison now. Got married last year." Derek smiled at her and gave her a warm hug. Kate smiled at him and backed a step to see all of him. She put each hand on his arms and smiled. "You haven't changed much. Except for that sad face. I heard about you and Addie." Derek nodded and looked at the floor.

"It was time. We went through a lot, and it was just time." Kate nodded.

"It's sad though. I thought you two were meant for each other. Even when we were together, I thought that you and Addie were the better match." Derek was surprised and raised an eyebrow at her. She just smiled.

"I didn't know that."

"Well, I didn't tell you. But when I did break it off, you found your happiness with Addie, so I was right." She smiled widely, because she saw how his expression changed when she said that. He nodded and took a deep breath. "But anyway. I saw Mark." She tilted her head. He just nodded it off. Kate took a deep breath, this wasn't going to well. Catching up with him wasn't one of the easiest things. "And I covered for you today, so I think you owe me lunch."

"Really? Well, I actually need to…" He hesitated a little and she looked at him questionably and waited. Derek had to see her. "… see someone first."

"I can wait while you see this someone." She smiled and was about to leave. But she gave him one last glance. "Oh, and Addie will be joining us too. I'll see you later." She leaned up and kissed him on his cheek. Kate was short and had always been the shortest of them. Derek watched her leave, and realized that he really had to see Meredith.

* * *

The door to her room opened and a man walked in. She couldn't see his face but understood who it was by his body. Alex walked up to her bed and saw that she was awake. Meredith sat up and Alex sat down in the chair next to the bed.

"Hey, Alex."

"Hey." He sounded relieved by her voice, and so he was. He had been wondering if she would be talking at all when he got in here, and when she did, he understood that she was fine. "I was just going to see how you were doing. And when you're coming back. Bailey is putting us up with your work." Meredith smiled.

"Well, I can't stay here. These rooms are just too depressing." Meredith looked around in the dark room and Alex eyes were still on her. Meredith met his eyes and saw something in them that hadn't been there before.

"I…" Alex was interrupted by a knock on the door. Meredith hesitated a little when she saw that Alex was disturbed by the interruption, but Alex knew it was for the best.

"Come in." Meredith said, and Alex got to his feet. Izzie and George walked in and smiled when they saw that Meredith was awake.

"Hey, you." Izzie walked up to her and gave her a hug. Meredith made a weak attempt to hug back, but Izzie pulled away. "Oh, sorry, did I hurt you?" Meredith smiled slightly.

"No, it's fine. I'm fine." She leered at Alex, but he avoided her look.

"Good." George smiled at her and sat down in the chair. Alex took a deep breath before stepping forward.

"I have to go. Dr. Garrison goes crazy if you don't obey her." He nodded at them and walked out of the room. Izzie and George watched him leave, and then shrugged.

"Alex has been acting very strange when you were away. I mean, he's only made one stupid sex comment the whole time."

"Really." Meredith looked at them and thought about Alex look when he had been trying to tell her something. She didn't know what it was, but it felt like it was serious. George pager started beeping, so he got to his feet.

"I have to go too. I'll come back later." He ran out of the room and bumped in to Derek on the way. "Sorry, Dr. Shepherd." He smiled slightly and kept on running. Derek kept on walking towards her room and knocked a few times on the door. Izzie looked at the door.

"You get a lot of visitors, huh." Meredith sighed and nodded.

"Yeah, I do. Come in." The door opened slowly and Meredith looked straight in to the visitor's eyes. Derek met hers, and Izzie saw the doctor in the doorway. She got to her feet and smiled at Meredith.

"I will just… you know. I'll see you later." She smiled at Derek, before pushing past him and leaving the room. Derek looked down on the floor and closed the door behind him. Meredith watched as he walked up to her bed with her chart in his hands. He was here as a doctor. Great, she thought and cleared her throat a little while he moved closer. He opened the chart and started to read. He had no idea what he was going to say to her, and Meredith got annoyed by his behaviour. She grabbed his wrist and that made him look at her.

"What are you doing?" Meredith didn't sound angry, it was just a question. Her weak and tired voice made Derek sharpen up. He put down the chart, and Meredith pulled back her hand. He looked at her and she met his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. You can't imagine how much I hate myself for what I did. What I have done. And what I know now is that I don't deserve you. And I never have. You should be with someone who won't hurt you, and who will take care of you no matter what. I want to be that guy, but I realize that I am not. So, I was just going to check on you, because I am your doctor. And that's what I am doing. Being your doctor." He swallowed nervously but didn't stop looking in to her eyes. He attempted a small smile, but Meredith shook her head slowly and took a shaky breath. Derek saw how she began to avoid his eyes, so he took the chart and walked towards the door, trying to convince himself that he was doing the right thing.

"Why?" Her voice was pleading for an answer and he couldn't do anything but stop and turn around. He wanted to hold her in his arms, to say that everything was going to be okay. But he had just said all the things that kept them away from each other, so he couldn't take it back. Meredith tried to read him. She knew he didn't want to do what he had done. But she had nearly died, was he about to leave her to recover by herself. She did have her friends, but he was different. She felt safe in his arms, and that's all she wanted and needed for the time being. "Why are you doing this?" Derek swallowed slightly and walked up to the bed again. He sat down next to her and Meredith looked at him. She tried to hold back the tears, but failed. She was weak and tired, which didn't make it easier to try not to cry. Derek saw the tears, and had done the last thing he wanted. To make her cry. He hesitated, and opened his mouth many times to say something. But he didn't know what to say. His expression was as sad as before, and maybe even sadder. Meredith stared at him, while a tear or two slid down her cheek. "Derek…"

"You have to understand…" Derek tried, but saw how Meredith closed her eyes.

"But I don't. Before, we said we would try…"

"I know, but… I…"

"What? Because you drove me to a motel instead of a hospital?" Derek closed his eyes and shook his head slowly.

"That's not the point. I risked your life to save mine. I jeopardized your life, to make up for everything I have done to you. I wanted to save you, but by making that choice, I took the chance of you dying. And when you add that with everything else I've done… I just don't deserve you, and I can't live with hurting you ever again. I think you should go on with your life. Make a clean start." He attempted a smile once again, but saw how she desperately shook her head.

"I don't want that. I want you. I can't do this without you…" She sat up and grabbed his lab coat with her tiny fists. "I can't…" The sobs and the tears made her body shake. She took a harder grip of his coat, and closed her eyes. "Please." She opened her eyes, just to see his sad and caring ones look straight at her. Derek couldn't stand seeing her small body shake of sobs. He put his arms around her and held her tight. She relaxed a little, and moved her hands to grab his coat while he held her. Meredith didn't want to let go, not ever again. Derek knew he had done the right thing by telling her to start over. But this wasn't the right time to do the right thing. He felt whole when he had her near, and nothing could ever change the fact that he needed her to stay alive.

* * *

**Okay, so. What did you think? As always, I try not to doubt the things I write, but I end up doing just that. But it goes away after a while, especially when I get reviews. I will just keep on writing and just go with it you know. And I'll try to do that as fast as I can, and then update so that you can read and review more. I really hope you like this story overall. Thank you once again for everything. So please write a review and tell me what you think. Until next time, bye.**


	15. Fix It

**Hello everyone. First I want to apologize for my absense. It's been a long time since last time. I hope some of you are still with me. Here's an update for all of you who is still out there, and who haven't gotten tired of waiting. I wanted to update just to let you read something, so I don't know how this chapter came out. But, I hope you enjoy. Read and review. Thank you.**

Chapter XV – Fix It

Her small chest moved slowly up and down, in a calm and regular rhythm. He lowered her body down to the bed again. Her hair fell on the pillow, and the eyes that had let out tears minutes ago were closed. He actually saw tracks of dried tears on her cheeks, which didn't make him fell much better. But he did smile when he saw her peaceful face. He stroke away the hair from her cheeks and just looked at her for a while. After a second or two, he kissed her forehead and pulled the sheet over her before he stood up and grabbed her chart. His lab coat sat irregular on his body, because of her holding on to it so hard. He fixed it and ran his fingers through his hair. Meredith turned in her sleep, and whispered out something. Derek turned his head to look at her and took a deep breath. After a while, he nodded, looked away and turned to leave the room. When he opened the door, he was hit by reality. Nurses running around and the noise made him remember where he actually was. He straightened up and closed the door quietly before he left to meet up with Kate for lunch.

* * *

She squeezed his hand and stood up from the chair. He just smiled. It was probably just the morphine, but she smiled back anyway. It didn't even take a second for him to grab her wrist and pull her in to a deep kiss. She didn't close her eyes because at first she was in shock. But after one second of the kiss, she went with it and her eyes closed slowly. When he finally pulled back for air, she opened her eyes again, and he met them with another cocky smile. She cleared her throat and tried to avoid his piercing glance. She straightened up and he let go of her. She took a deep breath, nodded and turned to leave the room. 

"Addie…"

"What?" She turned to face him. His voice had more of a begging tone, while hers didn't really have any tone at all. She looked at him questionably.

"It's not just the morphine." She knew he tried to flirt, so she sighed deeply.

"Don't even try it, Mark." He laughed weakly, and she left the room with a smile on her face.

* * *

Izzie walked in to the patient's room and smiled at the man in the bed. He smiled back. 

"How are you doing, Mr. Orson?"

"I'm just fine." He didn't sound very sure about what he said, and then he lifted his hand, and both Izzie and the patient saw how it shook. "Just a bit nervous, I guess." He looked from his hand to her. Izzie smiled a comforting smile.

"You made the right choice, Mr. Orson. The surgery is your best option."

"Please, it's Daniel." He smiled and then looked away, while lowering his hand again. Izzie nodded and looked at him. She saw the pain he was in, and couldn't stop feeling sorry for him. Daniel Orson was 26 years old, and was going through a decision if he would have a death threatening operation, or take the chance of dying without it. "Do you think I'll survive this?" He met her eyes, and she nodded at him.

"I do." She nodded, though he didn't look quite as sure. "I really do. Now, I will prep you for surgery." Daniel took a deep breath and nodded. Burke walked in to the room, and smiled at the patient and the intern in the room.

"Daniel, are you ready?" Daniel looked up, and both Burke and Izzie saw the tears in his eyes.

"I don't really have a choice, do I?" Burke leered at Izzie, and then looked at Daniel again.

"You do have a choice, but you chose this. Are you still up for it?"

"Yes, I guess. I…" He met his doctor's eyes, and suddenly he felt safe and sure. He trusted him. "I'm ready." Burke smiled.

"Good, Daniel. I'll see you in the OR. Dr. Stevens." He nodded before he left the room, and Izzie started to get the patient ready for surgery.

* * *

Kate smiled widely at Derek who walked towards her. He smiled too, but his smile wasn't as happy. 

"Hey." He said quietly and put down his coffee on the table and then sat down next to her. Kate looked from the coffee cup to him. He drank from his coffee, but stopped when he saw her look. "What?"

"Aren't you going to eat? A coffee Derek? Last I remembered, you loved food…" Derek laughed a little, and Kate felt victorious in her try to make him more happy-looking. He drank his coffee once more, and then looked at her.

"I'm not really hungry." He smiled friendly, and she nodded.

"Suit yourself." Addison walked towards them with a tray in her hands. She put it down opposite to Derek and sat down. She smiled at them both and then Kate felt the silence flow over them. She knew she had to break it.

"So, this is nice. I can't believe I am sitting next to you two again."

"It was a long time ago."

"And a lot has changed…" Derek said quietly and easily, just to confirm it in some way. Addison and Kate looked at him, and he met their eyes. "Oh, I mean. Well, you know. Our marriage and…" Addison didn't want to bring Mark or Meredith up, so she interrupted him fast.

"And your marriage." She said loudly, and pointed at Kate. Kate smiled.

"Yes. His name is Stan, and he's a teacher back in Chicago." Addison and Kate got caught up with wedding dresses and all that stuff, while Derek just stared in to nothing. Then he heard a pager, and looked at his. Addison was the one to stand up.

"I have to go." She leaned forward and kissed Kate on her cheek. "I'll see you later then." She smiled and left the table with her tray in her hands. Kate looked over at Derek, who looked very distanced.

"Derek?" She put a hand on his hand. He turned to face her, and when he met her eyes he smiled slightly. "Are you sure you're okay? You don't look okay."

"I'm just tired. Long night."

"Yes, tell me about this patient that made you drive for hours." She smiled, and he took a deep breath.

"Well, brain aneurysm. She left her recovery too early, and got a fever. I drove to help the intern, and then we brought her back. Meredith Grey…"

"The Grey? Your Grey?" Derek was surprised. "I've heard a lot while I was here." He smiled and nodded.

"Yeah…"

"So she's the one you left Addison for?"

"It wasn't about her. It was just time. Our marriage was over." Kate nodded slowly. "Now, Kate. I would like to hear the story of your life. Why did you leave?" Kate swallowed, and tried to keep the smile on her face.

"I really didn't want to leave, you know. I loved all of you, but I got a job offer. And my dad made me go. And you knew him; he didn't let me do anything I wanted." She tried to smile, but couldn't really. Derek nodded.

"Where is he now?"

"He died. Two years ago in a car crash. Drunk as always." She attempted another smile, and Derek grabbed her hand. He remembered all the times Kate had knocked on his door, and asked to sleep over because of her father. Sometimes bleeding and with bruises everywhere. Both their pagers went off, and they looked at them. They stood up, and Derek pulled Kate in to a hug.

"It's nice to see you again, Kate." Kate smiled and hugged him back. God, had she missed his hugs. Derek pulled back, and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you later, before you leave." She nodded and they left in opposite directions.

* * *

"He's crashing!" Burke said loudly. Everyone in the gallery froze when they saw how the doctor tried to get life in to his patient. Izzie helped him desperately. 

"Come on, Daniel, you can do this…" She whispered under her breath. Burke shocked his heart and looked at the heart monitor. No change. He tried again, and again. With no change. He sighed and looked at his arm watch.

"Time of death, 13.47." He threw his face mask and his gloves in the garbage and went to the scrub room. Izzie just stared at the body on the table. The people in the OR started to leave, except for the nurses who started to clean up. The people in the gallery left too, and soon Izzie went with their example. When she got to the scrub room, Burke was there. He washed his hands, and looked up at her when she entered. "It was just too much blood. His heart was way too damaged." Izzie nodded slowly and started to wash her hands.

"He was 26 years old, and didn't even get a fair chance to live his life." Burke dried his hands and leered at her. "I'll inform the family." She went to the door.

"Stevens." Burke walked up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. She met his eyes and waited. "There was nothing we could've done." She nodded and opened the door. They left in opposite directions, Burke to an on call room, and Izzie to the waiting room where she was going to bring the news of a dead son to Daniel's parents.

* * *

Meredith sat up in her bed. She grabbed her IV and stood up. Just as she grabbed the bed for support, the door opened and Alex walked in. He saw how she almost fell to the floor because of her weakness, so he grabbed her arm to prevent her. She looked up at him, and smiled a small smile. 

"Thank you, Alex. But I'm fine. I just need to move around…"

"Well, you would've fallen to the floor if I hadn't been checking on you." He raised an eyebrow, and she sighed, sat down again and looked at the floor.

"I just want this to be over, you know. Get on with my life. I have to work. Every day I lie here, I miss out on surgeries and rounds…" She sighed again and looked over at Alex. He nodded understandingly and sat down next to her.

"I could get you a wheelchair." She shook her head.

"I need to stretch my legs." She stood up; stubbornly rejecting Alex help. She grabbed her IV, and started to walk to the door. Her steps were slow and careful. Alex got up, and was about to stop her, when she stopped herself. "Okay, I need to sit down." She turned to the bed and tried to hurry back, because of the dizziness. Alex saw how she sat down and closed her eyes.

"Told you."

"Oh, shut up." He smiled and sat down next to her again. She turned to him, and he met her eyes. "Are you okay, Alex?" He was surprised by the question, and raised an eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just… You were going to say something earlier, and I just got the feeling that it was something serious." She shrugged and looked away. Alex watched her closely. He couldn't say it, because she was with Shepherd, and he was with Izzie. At least he thought he was. It was just about sex though. But he didn't have a chance up against Shepherd here. When he sat there in silence, Meredith turned to face him again. She watched him while he sat there thinking. But without even thinking, and without any warning, he leaned forward and kissed her. Meredith pulled back the second their lips met, and looked at him in surprise. "What was that?" She looked a bit confused and scared, while Alex had no idea why he had done that. It was an impulse stupid thing, and now he couldn't hide anymore. He felt ridiculous. He got to his feet and hurried to leave the room. He left Meredith, who had no clue on what had just happened.

* * *

"Mark." 

"Hello." He came up behind her in a wheelchair, and smiled widely at her. Addison just looked at him. They were in the corridor, only a few feet from his room.

"What are you doing?"

"I am taking a walk. Well, not a walk, because I can't walk. Those beds are very uncomfortable." He smiled again and put a hand on her arm, with the arm he wasn't shot in. Derek came walking down the hall, and wrinkled his eyebrows when he saw the patient wandering the hallways. Addison backed off. He just smiled again.

"You're on drugs. Go to bed." Derek walked up to them.

"Well this is nice." Mark looked at him, and smiled again. He was smiling all the time, nothing except the pain would change that. Derek couldn't help but smile when he saw the man before him. Addison looked at him, and smiled too.

"You shouldn't be wandering the halls."

"Well, doctor, I had to leave that room."

"Really? It's going to be your home, until you learn to walk with crutches." Derek pushed the wheelchair in to the room again. He lend a hand to help Mark sit on the bed, and then he looked at him. "Do you have any pain or numbness in your arm?" Mark watched him closely, but Derek avoided his glance.

"Have you forgiven me?" Derek decided to meet his eyes.

"I'm trying."

"Good." Derek nodded at that statement, and grabbed the IV and hang it by the bed. "No numbness and no pain for the time being."

"Good." He saw how a nurse entered the room and looked at Mark. "I'll come back later. And so will Kate."

"Yeah, you met her?"

"Yes."

"She hasn't changed much…"

"No, she hasn't." Derek confirmed and then left the room. It was hard, this friendship thing. But he had to try. He knew he had to try. Mark had been like his brother, and he couldn't just throw that away.

* * *

"Karev." 

"Dr. Garrison."

"Good surgery, you did well."

"Thank you, Dr. Garrison." Alex nodded and walked away towards the locker room. He met Izzie on the way there.

"Hey Alex." Alex stopped and looked at her with an annoyed look on his face. Izzie got suspicious but walked up to him. Alex leered at her while he kept walking. When they got to the locker room, Alex sat down on the bench. Izzie walked up to her locker, and was surprised when Alex came up behind her and kissed her neck. She turned to face him, with a huge smile on her face. "What are you doing?"

"Meet me in the on-call room."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." He kissed her fast and left the room. Izzie smiled and went after him.

Alex waited in the on-call room. He didn't know what he was doing. He couldn't get Meredith's expression when he had kissed her out of his head. She was confused, and didn't kiss him back. What was he thinking? Why did he kiss her? She loved Shepherd, and that would never change. He had acted on impulse, how stupid was that. The door opened and Izzie walked in. She saw how distracted he looked, and she locked the door before she walked up to him.

"Are you okay?"

"I kissed Meredith." He blurted out. He saw how Izzie's expression changed quickly in to a blend of confusion and hurt. She couldn't believe what he had just said. She frowned and left the room fast. "Izzie!" Alex yelled while watching her walking down the corridor.

* * *

"Derek." She saw the handsome man enter her room. 

"Meredith." He walked up to her, and smiled slightly when he saw her beautiful eyes. Meredith tried to read him. She had begged him not to leave, but she didn't know what he had decided. "How are you feeling?" His soft voice made her smile weakly.

"I'm okay."

"Good." He kept on smiling. "No headache? Dizziness?" She had smiled until that point. The dizziness made her think about Alex, and the kiss. Derek saw how her smile faded, and got worried. "Meredith?"

"No, uhm, no." She shook her head and looked at him. Derek wrinkled his eyebrows a little and met her eyes. "I was just trying to stretch my legs a bit, and I felt dizzy, but I got back to bed." Derek was taken a back.

"You were up walking by yourself?"

"No. Alex was here." She whispered the last part and smiled a confirming smile. Derek didn't really understand why she was acting this weird but tried not to care too much. "He was here…" She nodded slowly. Derek nodded with confusion.

"Okay, that's good. You shouldn't be up walking by yourself because you could…"

"Faint, I know." Derek smiled.

"Good. So unless Alex or someone else is in here…"

"Oh, I don't think he'll be coming back any day soon…" She laughed a sudden laugh, but then she stopped moving. She couldn't believe she'd just said that. And out loud, to Derek. Derek looked surprisingly at her. She met his eyes and panicked. "Because, well, Bailey. And me gone, they all, he just has work to do and the others too and…" Derek put a hand on her hand and smiled.

"Relax, Meredith." She took a deep breath and smiled. Derek smiled too, but couldn't help but wondering what was wrong. "You get to go home tomorrow." Meredith's face lit up, and Derek couldn't stop the smile from growing on his face.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd." She held on to his hand, and he squeezed it gently. The squeeze made her warm inside. The picture of Alex eyes just before he kissed her popped up in her head, which made her take the next move. Suddenly she grabbed his arm sleeve and pulled him closer slowly. She put a hand on his cheek, and felt his hair with the other one. He was leaned over her, and just looked at her while she touched his chest. At last she placed her hands around his neck and slowly lowered his head towards her lips. When they finally met, she was the one with the initiative. She kissed him gently, and he kissed her back, of course. How couldn't he. Suddenly the door opened and Izzie stared at them. Derek got to his feet and cleared his throat. Meredith smiled at first, but then saw the expression on Izzie's face.

"Izzie, what's wrong?" Izzie looked at Derek and then at Meredith.

"Why did you kiss him?" Derek was shocked by this question, and Meredith let out a laugh.

"Well, because, he's Derek…" Izzie rolled her eyes.

"Not him, Alex." Derek shot his look over to Meredith, who didn't know what to say. Izzie stared at her. Derek frowned, and all eyes were on Meredith.

"Derek, it's not like that. Izzie, I didn't kiss him, he kissed me." Izzie looked at her with surprise.

"What? Oh. Well… then... okay." She smiled, slightly embarrassed by this. She let out a small laugh and leered at Derek. "I will just, go then. Yeah… uhm, sorry." She left the room and felt quite bad for bringing that up when they had been kissing each other. Derek looked at Meredith, and she had a serious look on her face.

"He was in here, and then he just kissed me, I didn't kiss him back, I strictly pulled away and then he left and you don't really get to be mad because nothing happened and I wasn't sure what you had decided yet, so if I had kissed him, which I wouldn't, but…"

"Meredith." He walked up to her again.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

"Well, I would've been if you actually had kissed him, but you didn't. You kissed me…"

"I did." She smiled. "And you kissed me back."

"Yeah."

"Does that mean we…"

"It does." He moved closer to her, and had his face close to hers. She looked in to his eyes, and sometimes at his lips. "We're going to make this work."

"We are?" She smiled and felt his breath against her skin.

"We are." He leaned in closer and was just millimetres away from her lips. "Clean start, together. But only if you keep your kisses only for me." He smiled.

Meredith gave him one last glance before she only focused on his lips. Just as they touched her eyes closed, and she was pulled in to a soft kiss.

* * *

**Maybe a bit cheesy to the end, or what do you think? Please review and tell me what you thought. And if you want me to keep updating. Thank you, and I'll be back with an update soon.**


	16. Next

**Hello all of you who are still out there. I'm not surprised if you're not. I'm very slow on updating, and I'm not even sure this chapter is any good. But here it is, I hope someone will enjoy it.**

Chapter XVI – Next

George and Izzie sat at the kitchen table with food in their mouths. A tired and exhausted Meredith stepped in to the room, and looked at them. They swallowed and smiled at her.

"You're awake."

"I am very much awake. Actually, I'm too much awake." She sat down next to George and grabbed his fork. He just looked at her, while she was eating his food. He looked at Izzie for help, but she just smiled.

"We're going to the hospital. Are you going to be okay?" Meredith nodded.

"I'm fine." She took another bite and looked at them. "What?" They looked at her and nodded.

"We'll check on you later." They both stood up and went to the door.

"Have fun." Meredith shouted sarcastically from the kitchen. Izzie rolled her eyes, and then left with George right behind. Meredith let out a loud sigh; maybe she wanted someone to hear it. She shook her head and felt pathetic. She usually never asks for attention but now she actually longed for some. At this time, she hated to be alone. The bathroom and the bathtub was a reminder to her, and if that was going to happen again, she hoped there were going to be someone there just like the last time. Her thoughts flew over to Derek, and she really hoped that she was going to see him soon too, because he was the one that had broken her door and helped her survive. She had had nightmares, where she lay surrounded by blood in the bathroom. And for some reason she was really scared about that dream, because she thought it could happen for real. She felt ridiculous, but what could she do. She sighed again, this time a little lower, and cleaned the table. Meredith steered her steps towards the living room and the very comfortable and not bath-tub-alike couch. She lay down and turned on the television.

"Crap…" She switched through the channels, and made the decision to watch some food program. The guy was quite handsome, she thought, which made her last thought before she fell asleep be about Derek.

* * *

"Okay, people. We have some cases today, as you saw. So let's get to work." Bailey saw how the interns quietly waited for their assignments. "Stevens, you're with Dr. Montgomery, O'Malley with Dr. Burke. Yang, the pit and Karev you are with Dr. Shepherd." Izzie shot a glance at Alex, while he slightly leered at her. You couldn't say that their eyes met, because Izzie avoided his when she saw him look her way. She understood that Derek had requested him to tease, and Izzie thought it was hilarious. But at the same time she wondered what was troubling Alex, because he had actually never seemed to be interested in Meredith. Only her, she thought and leered carefully at him.

Alex scratched his head briefly and tried to ignore the fact that Izzie looked at him. He was nervous about seeing Shepherd, which absolutely wasn't his thing. But this time he had a reason. If Shepherd had found out about the kiss, he would punish him. At least that was what he thought, because Derek and Meredith had always had things that kept them apart, and there he comes, kissing Meredith when they recently had gotten together again. There he was thinking and walking when he surprisingly saw Derek ahead of him. He walked his way to the nurse's station where his boss stood with a chart in his hands. Derek didn't notice Alex's presence, so Alex cleared his throat to get the attention he wanted, which he really didn't want, but needed to get to work. Derek turned to face the noise, and Alex saw how a cocky grin grew on the face in front of him.

"Dr. Karev."

"Dr. Shepherd." Alex answered and met the eyes of his boss.

"Today, if we are lucky, we are going to operate on Susan. She is 28 years old with a brain aneurysm." Alex nodded when he heard the information, and didn't stop his mind from going away to the thoughts about Meredith and her operation. "But it will be no kissing, Dr. Karev, she has a boyfriend by her side." Alex stared at him. Why did Izzie always have to tell? Well, who could really blame her? She was upset, and went to Meredith to ask, and I wonder what Meredith said. He cursed himself and when he met those eyes again, the cocky grin had grown wider. He handed Alex the chart and tilted his head towards the patient's room. "Get her in for a CT, and then tell me about the results." Alex grabbed the chart, and watched the cocky boss walk away from him with victory written all over his face. This didn't make him feel good, surprisingly. Alex felt guilty, and felt as he owned Meredith an apology. And Izzie, of course, if he ever wanted to feed her beast again.

* * *

Addison sat in the conference room and sipped on her coffee. Izzie walked in to the room, and saw a smile on her boss's lips. Addison smiled wider when she saw her intern, and put down the coffee cup.

"Good morning, Stevens."

"Good morning." Izzie's reply was not as happy as Addison's greeting, but that didn't stop Addison from smiling, no it did not. The smile got Izzie to smile, which made it clear to Addison that she must've looked ridiculous. She cleared her throat and left the room with Izzie right behind.

"Okay, so, no questioning my happiness or smiling." Izzie was shocked, but slowly nodded in response. "Our patient is in for her sixth child, and she is very nervous. I think it will lead to a normal birth, but we have to monitor her closely and the child as well." Izzie was lead in to a room with a lot of children, and a gorgeous man who was playing with them. The woman in the bed noticed the doctors and hushed her children.

"Welcome to the playhouse. James, please." The man nodded.

"Who's up for ice-cream?" The children screamed with happiness, and ran out of the room. The woman in the bed smiled at James, and he smiled back. Just before he left the room he noticed Izzie, and actually stopped. Izzie felt very stupid, standing there and just staring in to this man's eyes, when his wife was in the same room.

"Come on, Uncle James!" A small girl came in and dragged James out of the room, and Izzie smiled when she heard the name Uncle. Addison pushed her intern slightly in the side, which made Izzie stare at her. The woman in the bed started laughing. Addison smiled, and Izzie smiled just for the situation's sake.

"This is Laura, and she is about to have her sixth child." Laura smiled widely, and met Izzie's dreaming eyes. Laura nodded, which made Izzie look at her.

"Yes, I understand. All the girls who meet James are that way. Well, you are different though, you haven't even said hello, and still you look like you've met the love of your life." Izzie blushed. This man and this woman had changed her life in only a matter of seconds. The last statement couldn't be true though. She never fell in love with strangers. And she hadn't even said a word to him. But he had met her eyes, and she actually felt some butterflies in her stomach. Laura laughed again, and Addison cleared her throat.

"Dr. Stevens here is going to monitor you and the baby, to see if this have to be a C-Section or not." Laura nodded, and looked more serious than before.

"I understand. Welcome to the team, Dr. Stevens." Izzie smiled at her patient, and then at Addison, who actually gave her a teasing smile back. Stupid, just stupid. Suddenly the children arrived again, and behind them there he was. James swallowed the ice cream in his mouth and wiped away the food from his hands on to his jeans. He stretched out his hand towards her and smiled a beautiful smile.

"Hi, I'm James Forrester." Izzie smiled and shook his hand.

"I'm Isobel Stevens." They had exchanged names, but neither of them pulled away their hands. James squeezed hers slightly and tilted his head.

"Isobel…"

"Actually you can call med Izzie. All my friends do." She wished she wouldn't have said that. But when she saw the man before her nodding and smiling, she didn't regret it.

"Nice to meet you, Izzie Stevens." And there goes the blushing again. Izzie smiled and couldn't move her eyes from his. James was the one to let go of her hand, but he didn't do it in an abrupt way, the opposite, he gently squeezed it and softly pulled away his hand. Izzie heard someone clear a throat and saw how James looked at Laura. Addison actually stared at Izzie, and Izzie met her glare. The tension between James and her must've shown very clearly, because Addison smiled at the patient briefly just before she dragged her intern out of the room.

"Stevens, you have a patient." Izzie frowned, and tried to seem as she didn't know what Addison was talking about.

"I know." She laughed a nervous laugh, and scratched her head carefully. "Shall I proceed then?" Addison actually studied her for a moment, and then decided to nod and smile.

"Yeah, monitor the patient and keep an eye on the baby's heartbeat." Izzie nodded and was about to enter the room again, when Addison stopped her once more with a warning hand on her elbow. "Keep an eye on the patient, not her brother." Izzie gave her a fake glare, and tried once more to seem unaware of what Addison meant. With that, Addison left down the corridor and Izzie stepped in to the room again. James stood up when she entered, which didn't help Izzie from blushing again.

* * *

Alex stepped on to the porch and was about to knock on the door. He had done the CT on Susan, and then gone to Shepherd with the results. Derek told him to take a lunch break and then come back ready for a brain surgery. Alex was a bit confused by the whole situation, first his boss mocked him, and then he gets to operate with him. Anyways, Alex decided to use his lunch break on a special apology. He didn't want Meredith and his friendship to be compromised because of his stupid impulsive move. So here he was, on Meredith's porch, about to knock on her door. He was just going to apologize, so he wondered why he hadn't knocked already. He took a deep breath, and felt the wood under his fist. He heard a sound and then small steps, and when she reached the door, he could see her through the glass. She stopped for a second when she saw him, but opened right after that.

"Hi, Alex. What gives me the pleasure?" She smiled and saw how Alex put his hands in his jeans pockets. "Come on in." She stepped aside, which made Alex enter the house. He waited for Meredith to close the door, and then met her eyes when she turned to him.

"Uhm, I just came to… To say I'm sorry. For earlier, yesterday… The kiss, I didn't know what I was doing." He nodded, and thought that that went quite well for an apology. At least she still smiled.

"Thank you Alex. I just, not that… I just want to ask why? Do you…" Alex smiled nonchantly and shook his head a little.

"What, no. I don't. I just thought you needed comfort, or whatever. It was nothing." Meredith studied him while his look flew around the room and hit every spot except for her eyes. The silence was interrupted by another knock on the door, and then someone entered the house. Derek saw the tension between Meredith and Alex, and he raised an eyebrow when Meredith saw him.

"Hey." She leered at Alex before she went up to Derek and hugged him. Alex felt truly uncomfortable at the moment, and didn't dare to move. Derek's eyes were on him, and Alex felt the glare. Meredith let Derek go, and then saw how he stared at Alex. She cleared her throat. This was awkward. "Oh, uhm, Alex just came to check on me." Meredith didn't come up with any other explanation at the moment, because she didn't feel like telling Derek about the situation just before he had entered the house. Alex nodded slightly and Derek did too. He was a bit suspicious, and who could blame him. Alex kissed his Meredith the other day, and now he was in her house on his lunch break, which he had been given by him. Alex was nervous, and decided to leave.

"I'll catch you later, Meredith." He laid a friendly hand on her arm and then walked to the door. "See you in the OR, Dr. Shepherd." All three of them knew that it sounded weird, but Alex just wanted to get out of there. He left, and Derek smiled a cocky smile at Meredith.

"Did you see how scared he was of me?" Meredith smiled and tilted her head at him.

"Stop that. He's my friend." Derek nodded and smiled.

"A friend that kisses my girlfriend? I have my rights to scare him." Meredith giggled, and then saw how Derek reached out a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. "Hi." Meredith gasped and looked at the flowers. She wasn't much for flowers, but they were from Derek, and they were beautiful. Derek did notice the surprise in her eyes, and leaned forward and kissed her gently on her lips. Meredith was surprised once more and kissed him back and then pulled back.

"Have to put the flowers in a vase." She walked away and Derek sighed. He wanted her, and he wanted her now. Not sex, well of course sex, but she was recovering. Meredith came back with a vase and put it on the living room table. Derek came up behind her and began to kiss her neck. Meredith giggled and turned around to meet his eyes. "I'm recovering from a brain surgery, doctor."

"I know. And that's why I…" He kissed her on the lips, and then smiled a big smile. "…have to take care of you." Meredith smiled and put her arms around him. She just leaned in to his warm body, and smelled him. Derek was a bit surprised, but just hugged her back. He was even more surprised when he heard small sobs from the girl he held in his arms. He frowned and grabbed the small body to look at her. She cried and met his eyes with swollen eyes. "What's wrong?" He tried to see any signs of pain, because then he could fix it. But Meredith just shook her head and kept letting the tears fill her eyes.

"I'm scared, Derek…" She took a shaky breath and wiped away some tears from her cheek. "I'm so scared. The nightmares are killing me." Derek looked at her with caring eyes. She met his eyes, and felt safe.

"Oh, Meredith…" He kissed her forehead and let her lean on his chest once more. He hated to see her cry like this, and he wished he could to something to take her pain away. He could heal wounds, but this was so deep. The sobs slowly faded away and Meredith coughed gently before she pulled herself together. Derek watched as she took a deep breath and sat down in the couch. She looked frightened, and then she put her head between her legs. Derek ran out to the kitchen and found a bucket. He ran back and put it under Meredith's head. He caressed her hair, and heard how she breathed slowly and heavy.

"I feel dizzy." Derek nodded and helped her to lie down. He put pillows under her head, and pulled a blanket over her tiny body. She turned a little, and closed her eyes. Derek grabbed her hand and sat down on the floor next to her head. He heard her mumble something but couldn't understand what it was.

"I'm here, Meredith. Just go to sleep." He kissed her small hand and tried to sit in the most comfortable position that was possible on the floor. Suddenly his pager went of, and when he saw the time he sighed. Time for him to get back to work. He stood up and leaned in to kiss Meredith goodbye. She had fallen asleep, so Derek let go of her hand and left the house, with intention of coming back right after work.

* * *

Izzie smiled and left the room. She was surprised when she was touched by a strong hand on her shoulder, and when she thought it was James, she was even more surprised to see Alex when she turned around.

"Alex…"

"Izzie, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to explain. I understand if you have feelings for Meredith, everyone has." Alex frowned and turned around when he heard someone open the door behind them. James came out and looked at them, especially at Izzie.

"Hey, sorry, am I interrupting something?"

"Yes."

"No." Izzie looked at Alex, but Alex just stared at the new guy. James smiled, and nodded.

"Well, I wondered if I could talk to you Dr. Stevens." Izzie smiled, and thought that James was smart. But Alex didn't go with the whole talk to the doctor thing.

"Sorry, but I'm talking with her for the moment."

"Alex…" Izzie said with a warning voice.

"Oh, okay. I will see you later then, doctor." James walked away, and Izzie watched where he was going so that she could maybe get the chance to talk to him after all. Alex grabbed her and kissed her. Izzie was more than surprised and actually pushed him away. Alex seemed pleased with what he'd done. Izzie just stared at him.

"What the hell are you doing, Alex?"

"I need you to know, that this Meredith thing doesn't mean anything. And tell her that too, she seems to think I have feelings for her or something." Izzie frowned and watched as Alex too walked away. She went after James though. Alex saw it, and sighed when he suddenly bumped in to Addison. The hot coffee she had held in her left hand was all over her, and the chart she had held in her right hand fell to the floor. Alex stared for a second while Addison screamed because of the hot coffee on her skin.

"I'm so sorry. Let me…" He took some towels from a nearby cart, and tried to dry her scrubs. The nurses around them giggled when Alex accidentally touched Addison's breasts, and just because Alex was so lucky this day, Derek Shepherd walked past them when it happened. He stared and Addison grabbed the towels from Alex's hands. Derek met Addison's eyes, and she stared back at him. "I'm sorry, Dr. Montgomery…"

"Well, you should be, Karev." She bent down and picked up the chart, and the coffee mug. Derek walked up to Alex and gave him once again, the cocky boss smile. Addison walked away with her wet scrubs and Alex just gave Derek a glare and walked away. Derek followed Addison and laughed when he saw how wet she really was. "Don't laugh, Derek."

"Why? That was hilarious. I feel sorry for him though. Can't be easy touching his boss's…" Addison hit Derek on the arm.

"Stop that." Addison walked in to the locker room, and was actually followed by Derek. He smelled something was wrong, and that wasn't coffee he smelled. Addison took of her scrub shirt and didn't notice Derek in the doorway.

"Do you have feelings for Karev?" Addison jumped, and tried to cover herself. She thought about all the time they had had sex, and stopped the covering. She shook her head and laughed.

"What? Of course not…" She put on a new shirt and met Derek's eyes. Derek saw sadness in them. He put down the chart he had in his hands and walked up to her. She looked away, and felt Derek's soft hand touch her arm.

"What's going on?" Addison looked back at him, and the sadness was still there.

"Nothing, Derek. Is Meredith alright?" Derek looked at her.

"Yeah, she is. Addison…"

"It's just… I'm lonely, Derek, okay? I'm alone, and everyone seems to have someone… So I'm a little depressed, but it's nothing." Derek watched as she tried to push past him. But he stopped her and pulled her into a hug. A warm hug. Addison hugged him back, and felt the warmth. He was whole again, he was another man. He was happy. She wasn't, but to know that the other part of you had found happiness again was comforting. Derek let her go, and smiled at her.

"You have me, Addie. And Mark. You're not alone." Addison nodded at these words, and cleared her throat before she left Derek alone in the locker room.

* * *

James walked in the corridor when he saw Izzie a few feet away. She smiled a beautiful smile, and he smiled himself. He didn't understand this thing; they hadn't even talked that much. Izzie saw him and smiled even wider, which made him walk towards her. She met him halfway and he offered her a coffee.

"Oh, thanks." She took it with a bit hesitation, and took a sip. James watched her every minute, and the silence didn't seem to bother him at all. Izzie felt the heat from her cheeks, and wondered if he could see that she blushed.

"Do you want to have dinner with me tonight?" Izzie coughed with surprise and smiled. James reached out and wiped away some coffee from her lip. Izzie stared at him, not in an angry way, just by surprise. She nodded slowly and smiled.

"I would love that." James smile grew bigger and he looked at his arm watch.

"Can I pick you up here at, say, seven?" Izzie just nodded at those words, and when James leaned forward again, she slowly closed her eyes and was ready for a kiss. James noticed, but did only kiss her on the cheek at this moment. Izzie smiled at him when he pulled away. "See you tonight then." He smiled back and walked over to his sister's room. Izzie smiled and walked away.

* * *

"Okay, you ready?" Derek and Alex were scrubbing in, and Alex was nervous. Derek could notice, but he understood that it didn't have anything to do with the surgery. Alex nodded, and swallowed. Derek smiled the cocky smile.

"So, can I ask why?" Derek kept on washing his hands, and Alex frowned.

"Why I'm ready?" Derek just let out a small laugh and turned to Alex with his wet hands up in the air.

"No, why did you kiss her?" Alex met his eyes and lifted up his arms. He just stared for a second and then he entered the OR. The nurses helped him to get gloves on his hands and a coat. Derek frowned a little before he followed his intern into his OR.

"Okay, people, let's get going." The surgery started, and at some moments, Alex felt Derek's eyes go from the patient's brain to him and back again. He swallowed nervously and thought about what he could answer to the question he had gotten earlier. Why did he kiss Meredith? He didn't even know himself. At least he told himself that.

* * *

"Good work, everybody. Sew him up." Burke left the OR, and George followed him out. When Burke came out in the corridor, he saw how Cristina walked towards him with fast steps. "Hey, slow down."

"I'm not slowing down, Burke. I've been in the pit forever now. A week I think. I need a surgery." She looked around, and saw how George just rolled his eyes at her statement. She looked back at Burke, who smiled widely at her.

"Well, if Bailey gives you the pit, there's not much I can do." He started to walk, and felt Cristina's presence behind him. He smiled and walked to an on-call room. Cristina wondered why, but not for long. When they entered the room, Burke locked the door behind them, and then pulled her in for a soft kiss. Cristina lost all thoughts about the pit and kissed him back.

"Marry me." Burke said between the kisses, and he said it with passion and with a soft voice. Cristina pulled away and stared at him. Burke rolled his eyes and looked back at her.

"What?" Burke smiled.

"Marry me, Cristina." Cristina kept staring, and didn't know what to say.

* * *

**Okay, so that was chapter 16. And I for one don't really like it, but I'm just trying to end this story soon, because Grey's is moving on, and so should I. I want to write something about what's happening now, so.. We'll see, tell me what you think and I will post the other chapters I've written if you like it. Thanks.**

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